Fighting with Anxiety

Anxiety and panic attacks have been bothering me for a while now, and I'm finding it difficult to ignore the unwanted thoughts and concentrate on my regular work. I couldn't pinpoint the source of my anxiety because it was a thought or distraction related to my overall existence. I remember how clear my mind was a few weeks ago and how being alone and doing nothing didn't bother me, unlike now, when I wanted to be around someone or watch something active, like street activities or television, to distract myself from distracting thoughts. 

I almost believe it was because I slept less or frequently awoke at night. Until a few days ago, I felt sheepish as I approached midday, and a cup of coffee or tea would perk me up. Yes, I believe it's the reason—my sleepiness was disturbed—that drew me to drowsiness during the day, which may have paved the way for abnormal thoughts, distraction, and anxiety. 

I realized how I was losing sleep, and it was my attendant, who showed up early in the morning to assist my parents in putting me in the bath that was disrupting my sleep. My attendant works in an ortho clinic and has to be there by 9 a.m., so he has to put me to bathe before that, and my usual time of waking up is never less than 8 a.m., and mostly I get deep sleep nearly close to waking up; I have to force myself awake so that he is on time for his primary job. In this condition, I made a night trip while returning from Kodaikanal on February 1. It was a nightmare that took me a few days to become stable. Perhaps this was the source of my confusion.

I checked with the doctor, and he prescribed me a tablet to take at night for sleeping and relaxation (explored on google to know its purpose) for 30 days, but I haven't taken it yet because I'm feeling better now, but I decided to take it if I feel need it. I'm confident I will come out of this dilemma with much-needed sleep (to get clear without taking medicine) and concentrate on my regular activities. Let's see 

Confining!

Stretch your arms,

Embrace as much as you can, 

When you can stretch your arms 

Why do you restrain yourself?

Loving oneself isn't wrong

But rejecting someone who longs!

I try to embrace 

You, slipping out of my grip 

Thinking as I'm imprisoning you

And squeeze you to death.

I know, over-gripping makes breathlessness 

But running away makes you feel the same.

I'm not to hurt anybody 

But trying to live and let others do the same.

Monkeys Returns

Recently, some monkeys invaded our neighborhood again after a long time. We used to live on the backstreet before moving to our current home on the 2nd main road, and we used to see a lot of monkeys doing all sorts of naughty things, but they gradually vanished before we moved. Surprisingly few monkeys occasionally visit our neighborhood and then leave after wandering for a while. 

Similar to the above, some monkeys visited our neighborhood a few weeks ago, and it appeared that they traveled through the congested wires that detract from the attractiveness of our street by hanging on one side of the roadway as they made their way into our street. The image shows how it sat and walked on the wires.

The first couple of photos were taken with the camera, but the rest were snapped with my phone as soon as I spotted them. I couldn't capture any more monkeys since they went behind the trees, and I had already seen monkeys much earlier, so I wasn't interested in photographing them. A few days ago, the monkeys returned, and one of them rushed across our balcony rail, terrifying the dog who was napping on the balcony at the time. 

As I write this, I hear shooing from below the house and from the grocery store next door; possibly the monkeys were attempting to steal bananas from the shop's outside display. 

Linking this post with SATURDAY CRITTERS

Prohibition to Laughing

If there is something unique that belongs to the human race is laughter. Though animals do laugher sometimes like the simian, it's the sense of humor that enriches our human lifestyle. Insisting we love and care and bring happiness to others and relieving stress like us. Life isn't and shouldn't be serious always; to keep it away, laughing is a great gift the human could have. 

(My happily laughing nephew Jeswanth)

They say there is no better medicine than laughter and that laughter is scientifically proven to help release certain hormones and help reduce stress, the leading cause of heart disease. And prohibiting such great cause laughter is an inhuman act and the prevention of natural ways of treatment.  

I think you have now guessed what I am talking about, yes North Korea's ban on its citizens from laughing, drinking, and shopping for 11 days! Drinking and shopping can be secondary, but laughing is a basic sense of being human, and banning it can not be brought within any definition. Simply a foolish act of inhuman. 

There is no wonder the announcement coming from a country ruled by a dictator, although I feel sorry for the plight of the people of that country and would like to condemn this act. What is worse was they also banned crying loud (and moving out the body) if anyone dear to us dies during the 11 days - the mourning period of former Korean leader and father of President Kim Jong Un's 10th death anniversary. 

Laughing is a natural tendency towards anything that moves us in a light-hearted way and an emotion that infects anyone (in good nature) who comes across. Banning laughing is a force you could not implement at all; since crying and laughing have been the only acts child could do, and prohibiting it is quite an offense against natural law and the pinnacle of oppression. I wish the lifestyle of North Koreans changed and they experience freedom from the stubborn kid Kim! lol 

RGB Monday

The Grand Sweets in the neighborhood is one of my favorite restaurants where I tasted crispy dosa and puri once in a while. After the shut down of my favorite restaurant in Chennai - The Woodlands drive-in - in 2010, it transformed into a botanical garden; I had no opportunity to eat at a restaurant until the grand sweet opens its branch in the neighborhood. 

Not all restaurants are wheelchair friendly, and The Grand Sweets isn't an exception, but at least they allow us to eat from the parked car, and when they served from their own plates, it's hot and crispy to causes a desire to eat, which is missed in the parcel. I usually try this restaurant on Sundays, when there is less traffic on the road and space for parking along with the restaurant. 

After the pandemic begins, they allow only for parcels; though it isn't a matter now as I almost avoided going out rather for a short evening walk on Sundays, I miss the flavor. The last I went to the restaurant was for a coffee in perhaps 2019, and I remember it now when I come around a few shots on the restaurant when looking for images to share for RGB Monday. 

There's a textile showroom on top of the restaurant that caught my attention once, showcased colorful sarees on an array. They also have two mannequins wrapped in sarees, and the showroom has a glistening view.

Some random thoughts

What we mostly expect was someone's.

Why do we need to be that guy or girl?

Why should I have the same as someone? 

I don’t want to be the one in a thousand. 

I want to be what I am despite your terms and conditions.

I need my space despite your concern and care. 

My right to be rational shouldn’t be discriminated against or denied just because you are devoted. 

Life is beautiful if you decided to make it one.

Everyone has a troubled life but allowing the emotion to control could derail completely.

Just because someone hurt you doesn't mean everyone you meet is to hurt you.

The same with whom deceive you.

Negativity isn't bad always, just how negative in covid sent relief.

Let the negative ions work against the chance to become covid positive.

Take care, Thank you

சுற்றுப்புற சொர்க்கம் / Ambient paradise

காற்றோடு கவி பாடும் குயில் 

மலரரோடு தேன்  சுவைக்கும்  வண்டு 

கிளையொடு கழைக்கூத்தாடும் அணில் 

கீச் கீச் என்று மாங் குத்தும் கிளி   

அழைக்கும் சைகையில் மயக்கும் மைனா 

மறைந்திருந்து சடசடக்கும் மீன்கொத்தி  

ஆரவாரத்துடன் வந்த தவிட்டு குருவிகள் 

எல்லாம் சேர்ந்து சொர்கத்திற்கு வித்திட்டன. 

translate in eng:

The cuckoo sang with the wind 

Honey-tasting beetle with flower 

A squirrel acrobat with branches 

Mango stabbing parrot shrieks

Myna enchants in the nodding gesture

Kingfisher rattle from somewhere hideaway

Yellow-billed babbler that came with cheers

Altogether,  they sowed to heaven.

Choking Covid and Curfew - 2nd wave!

At the national level, covid is slowly reducing, but still, the 0.2+ million cases per day are too much to say even though it's a great drop from 0.4+ million cases a fortnight ago. The death ratio is at 175 an hour! 

We had really moved into an inconsolable phase of life, with every passing one, destroys plenty on its way and that shore up in their support. People are partially too late in realizing the situation, and we have already lost many and continue to hear the silent/siren cry from the wounds as we entered a nil activity from last night. Tamil Nadu state has gone into a complete lockdown for a week with all essential shops closed, except the provision of milk and medical.

Unswerving lockdown comes to force from today. But what seemed like unleashed yesterday, due to the full-fledged lockdown, the day was made easy for the public to purchase their need for the next week as a plan by the government to reduce the cases of covid. Tamil Nadu currently counts 35,000 daily, which is higher among the states of India. As of now, the north Indian states are decline in cases, and the southern states at rising esp. Tamil Nadu is witnessing the worst. Perhaps there could be some hike in the number of cases in the coming days due to the overcrowded and transmitted Sunday.

I hope we soonly come out of this terrific crisis. But not so without loss of lives and struggles. I see covid is teaching us lessons for a lifetime and provide an opportunity to study the attitude and thinking ability of the people in masses. As we all suffer and confine to home, nature is ready for another backseat ride following last year's lockdown series. Birds began to enjoy this transparent environment from fewer transportations and pollution; there's a lot of cheerfulness in the air, fresh to breathe and inspire in place of tiresomeness felt overall.

I see this particular week as significant in the course of driving covid in our state. But we have no option other than this successful formula (of lockdown) followed worldwide, and I predict our state could nearly take a month's curfew to bring the infection under control. It should be a difficult task for the government as well as the public to balance their financial status, but I wish we take all efforts to bring down the covid to never rise, as we all experienced to the extent of enough.

A word to abort

The Tamil word‘**tha’ is becoming trending. Those who knew Tamil will know what I mean. I don't say that the word has never been uttered in films before. Either that word would be muted or beeped. Or the user of that word will be a negative character, so it will not make a big impact. But when the protagonists themselves using that word become trending.

Actor Surya used that word in Soorarai Pottru, following actor Vijay in Master and G V too uttered the word '**tha' in his upcoming film while expressing his anger. I don't know what that means, but it's definitely an obscene word. Heroes are better off avoiding this as it may affect the growing generation.

I have heard some people speak this word casually, but since words like this come up in the films, it too will definitely affect the younger generation when great actors speak that word. I wish they do not create an "F word" culture in Tamil!

It Rains

It rains as if never going to rain

A trial of the northeast monsoon

Draw trail as if clearing the way

For heavy rain to run down the drain.

 

The day was brighter and sunny

To ever think of raining

Until silvery clouds float in  

To become gloomy and rain.

 

The pitter-patter of rain

Continue its rhyme, wordlessly  

like a kindergarten kid, I

rejoiced singing along the rain. 

The beautiful sunny day in the morning contrary to rain in the evening.

Linking this post with Skywatch Friday

Sunday tale – a trip to Mamallapuram

I got an opportunity or I agreed to take a short distance ride on Sunday, after so long days of not coming out of home – for nearly seven months I held myself inside the home, other than looking out from the balcony. Glad we moved here, to our native house, a year and a half early to the pandemic starts so I have this benefit of watching from the balcony what is not possible in our previous house in backstreet with least activities on road. Lockdown days were quiet and pleasant here, but the relaxations lately made it very noisy. Back to Sunday, we accompanied our extended family for a temple visit in our ancestral town Mamallapuram, as per our family tradition, visiting this goddess temple has been made mandatory when a marriage is fixed.

The busy ECR on Sunday in the shadow of trees. This is part of road beyond Mamallapuram towards Pondicherry.

Yes, my brother’s engagement is fixed at the end of this month and so was this visit. I’m not a believer in god exist but I still accompany my family to temples as long it takes me out or traveling. We hit the east coast road (ECR) early morning but the ride wasn’t fun and comforting as well, as I had to wear a mask all the time even though I pull down to chin often it lacks freeness. I now understand how difficult it must be for those who go to work, wearing the mask all the time and while I couldn’t sit freely, I wonder how tough it is to do tasks with masks!

I couldn’t see any great changes on ECR other than closed amusement parks and tourism and entertaining hubs but the traffic was unusual for the time 6.30 in morning. I saw many cycle riders on the ECR, enjoying the cool morning weather, while quietly pedalling on the left side of the road unlike a lot on motorbikes vrooming and terrifying the other bike/car riders. We extended our ride another 25km from Mamallapuram to visit another family deity temple. Due to the pandemic and lockdown the government has restricted any rituals, so my family simply visited and worshiped the deities in the temples.   

One of the temple is located amid palm trees and farm lands, a km away from ECR main road

I sat in our SUV quite after a year gap, because only last October we left the car for interior tinkering and painting which was delivered only a week early to lockdown in March so I didn’t had any chance to travel or sit in the car. My trip to Amirthi Zoological Park (Vellore) in February happened in my uncle’s car and it’s the only trip I had this year where I drove for a 150 kms. My travel to Mamallapuram on Sunday was a half day trip and our breakfast was brought from a relative’s house there and we returned home by noon for lunch. It was good to travel even it was for a short distance of 70 km but for a travel enthusiastic this gives a bit joy and I hope the pandemic is over soon so that I travel every length.

RGB Monday

I bought a wooden desk organiser from amazon to keep books and other things.  I put some books from recent read and found it colourful to make use for RGB Monday. The blue in the back is a switch box sticker of a truck and the organiser has spaces for mobiles and specs and few other things to hide in bins. The detachable design is strong and sturdy and easy to assemble and disassemble. 

RGB Monday

 

While the farmers were busy washing, and packing carrots in sacks (what you saw in my previous post here) I found this little temple peacefully located adjacent to the activity of farmers, adding quiet to the afternoon.  Leaving back others at  Kukkal lake bank, where we picnicked last year July during vacationing at my uncle’s woodhouse near Kodaikanal, my cousin and I drove down the road from the lake just to see what lies beneath and was pleased to spot this temple in a fresh coat of paint. Google maps mark this as Amman (goddess) temple and I get no details other than that. But I guess it's a popular temple among the village people from an image I saw in google where people throng in average numbers.