Friday, May 12, 2006

What others think?


What to write, what can I write, with my chaos mind? "Understand" its the main problem for me, even I cant understand me. Nowadays I expect everyone should understand me, I feel that no is listening to me and my mind thinks that I should not talk to anybody. I don’t know how to express what I feel and get rage. I was in dilemma to ask some thing to my parents or others, because when I ask some thing, if they cant do that, I will be hurting them. Or I don’t know if my parents expect me to ask them.

I think you all know how I love my cousin brothers and sisters. I really craving to buy there love (anbu), but my stupid mind doubt, that, there love is real or it comes form sin. I expect this summer with happy mind to enjoy with cousins, but they not even like to come to my house, if I ask them, they are blinking don’t know how to answer. Now my mind realizes that I have mistakenly understood them, I forget to know what they are thinking and how they planed to celebrate their holidays. only Aravind (cousin bro) stayed for a week in my house, now he also gone to his home, after hearing that some relatives has come to his house, and he said it was boaring to stay here. I never got angry on them, when my mom scold them, i ask her to be silent, because i dont like no one to scold them. Yesterday my cousin sister (my Uncle wife) came to my grandma's house, in her school holidays (she was a teacher in Mahabalipuram), I expect at least she will come to my house and stay.

Because of these my concentration was disturbing, what ever I do, it finish in chaos. I was very depress and feeling distress. Really I want a refresh, life is boring, feeling to go some were to a silent and beautiful places (even now also, I think about my cousins, not ready to leave them. I like to take them where every I go, will they understand me). I know that we should not expect, the same thoughts (what ever we think) form others. We can learn every thing, but can we learn what other think? Big question, no!

15 comments:

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Jaya Chithra said...

y ya?? so disturbed ?? go to yoga... n relax... don end up in choas ...

WA said...

Jeevan, difficult situation. Holidays are good fun when cousins get together, but unfortunately it doesn't always work out as they feel the urge to meet up with their friends and maybe spend some time with their cousins on the other side of their family too. I do hope Aravind with his cute smile does come back and spend some more time with you during the rest of his holidays. Have fun with your sister in the meantime. Whats the agni nakshatram weather like, presume its very very hot right now? Take care

My days(Gops) said...

jeevan => cheer up man..its life!.we cannot expect peoples to come on our way always...they do hav their own programs...
instead of expecting them to ur place, why cant u go to their place? jst spend a week with them and come back? its easy..

PS:- i realy dun knw ur situation..

Shuba said...

Nice to hear that u r a person who has affection over others...u have rights to like them...but never have expectation ....or expect their reciprocation..learn this life will be more beautiful

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

Aaaha some1 seems 2 b upset... Gud tht u posted abt it in blog.. After few days u r going 2 c this and laugh out...
Its always better if u dont have expectations at al..Expectations r the root cause 4 disappointments...
And dont expect otehrs 2 understand u... Bernard Shaw says "To understand all is 2 forgive all" So who will ever prefer 2 forgive all ;)

Jeevan said...

Jaya Chithra - i was little disturbed, but now i am ok. i will try it, thanks for u r advice. Welcome here:).

Angel - i agree, me too feel the same now. like how i expect, they should have also expect the same from there cousins.
me too hope now (because they have come to my grandma house) they will come to my house soon. I have plans to go out with my sister, this week.
ya the summer is very hot, cant show our head out, going to beach some times in evening to get cool:)

gops - NO gops for me its very hard to stay there. u r right, we dont know what is there plan. lets see.

Shuba - I really craving to get there love, but my expectation is more. :) thanks friend.

Ponnarasi - "Its always better if u dont have expectations at al..Expectations r the root cause 4 disappointments... " i totaly agree, Many times i was disapponted my expecting others. I cant control my mind, so it came out in this blog. Thank you:)

smiley said...

enjoy the company when people are around you and enjoy the company of God, peacefulness and memories of the fun times when no one is there and u r alone

Jeevan said...

Smiley - I used to think my memorial days when i spend happly when i am alone, but it works for short period. I will listern to melodies songs when i was alone, i dont know, but is gives some happyness inside me.

monu said...

hi jeevan
Never doubt anyone's love...
If it is there it is, else it isn't...anyways God gives everyone someone who really loves them..that keeps us all going, i think...
Am sure ur mom loves u a lot!
:)

Keshi said...

Jeevan u have always shown so much love for others bit it ur family or friends or even us bloggers here...so yeah, keep the faith and continue ur loving mate!

Keshi.

Ghost Particle said...

Tne thing about life and communication is that we need the Other person to stop and listen to me, and often the other person is US. What a funny thing, yes its funny, thats why we should stop and laugh and carry on. Life goes on...we need to live it to find out.

Jeevan said...

Monu - i agree with you we should not doubt the love someone shows us. :)

Keshi - Thanks dear friend.sure my love will not decrease.

GP - :)

priyums said...

Sometimes in life when you stop expecting things happen..It is a little secret..So start enjoying your life..have that love for your cousins in your heart. Cherish the good times you had..and once you forget your own anxieties and expectations...they will come.They just might have had some plans..
BTW isnt it nice when people you love coming to spend time with you without you having to call them..! So wait!!!

Jeevan said...

Priyums - its very difficult for me to stop the expectation, but will try to control. your comment made me to think, let's wait.:)