Friday, May 12, 2006
What others think?
What to write, what can I write, with my chaos mind? "Understand" its the main problem for me, even I cant understand me. Nowadays I expect everyone should understand me, I feel that no is listening to me and my mind thinks that I should not talk to anybody. I don’t know how to express what I feel and get rage. I was in dilemma to ask some thing to my parents or others, because when I ask some thing, if they cant do that, I will be hurting them. Or I don’t know if my parents expect me to ask them.
I think you all know how I love my cousin brothers and sisters. I really craving to buy there love (anbu), but my stupid mind doubt, that, there love is real or it comes form sin. I expect this summer with happy mind to enjoy with cousins, but they not even like to come to my house, if I ask them, they are blinking don’t know how to answer. Now my mind realizes that I have mistakenly understood them, I forget to know what they are thinking and how they planed to celebrate their holidays. only Aravind (cousin bro) stayed for a week in my house, now he also gone to his home, after hearing that some relatives has come to his house, and he said it was boaring to stay here. I never got angry on them, when my mom scold them, i ask her to be silent, because i dont like no one to scold them. Yesterday my cousin sister (my Uncle wife) came to my grandma's house, in her school holidays (she was a teacher in Mahabalipuram), I expect at least she will come to my house and stay.
Because of these my concentration was disturbing, what ever I do, it finish in chaos. I was very depress and feeling distress. Really I want a refresh, life is boring, feeling to go some were to a silent and beautiful places (even now also, I think about my cousins, not ready to leave them. I like to take them where every I go, will they understand me). I know that we should not expect, the same thoughts (what ever we think) form others. We can learn every thing, but can we learn what other think? Big question, no!