Thursday, August 07, 2008

Life turns normal

Everything seems indifferent, the people, life, things, surrounding, relations, neighbors… but still minds different. Mind wakes in feeling special everyday being together, life with more pleasure, but what thought is ‘sky is blue and those are passing clouds may not cool always’. What makes me shine higher and secure put in slide when life returns normal.

Back from uncle’s place and my native home, getting over all the rituals of great grandmother. Never before it was being very closer with my cousins and our family the days staying with them, off from system and television there is more to chatter and recall memories, and the experience brings more patient and comforts to mind made me lack courage leaving those away. We talked for day and nights, played till bored what gets me out of sorrow. Everyday sights a difference scene from my balcony, the lazy afternoons breezes across moves with chatting and reading books, looking for cousins arriving from schools, and the neighbors visit are some near moments missed for few years. Some difficult moments are when people shook about grandma’s sudden depart come in expressing there memories and her state of presence in mind, even the silence moments relates grandmother’s lose and really it not console her lose. There are few sleepless nights, tears buried inside with some smiles that granny was rested peacefully without more pain and suffer.

She was wished to meet many people when she was alive, but even letting known her desire people refuse allowing there timing to visit her and I suppose to think here what life is then if one can’t turns when they are alive and whatever one do is useless when they passed. To tell simple excuses just like that people, but to be honestly the expression was in anger and hurts more that people not care later they grown and turn back who gives important. I wonder how much people well know by granny, its simple great learning her excess aid in past when people recall it. At same time i feel disturb when there are people too to forgive and forget her care and affection she truly got never turns knowing her last message, and more being away from her last moment when she was lifeless.

I just keep in mind always I never forget the path I came across and people I meet in my life. What the next moment is unknown, the much known are before and near, but moving further like a stranger knowing never before hurts more. I feel it’s useless when talking about the past and not sharing with them the moment they are alive and never express what they are doing is greater and showing affection when they can sense.

Being together with all I wasn’t felt lost of my grandmother; only to return home the loneliness and craving derives. Till last moment I want to extend my stay with cousins as much I become closer with them and at same time I need to comfort my parent handling myself. It is the rite of them tied these days, and thank to what I disbelief helps to understand what is in their mind and I never see my cousin bro request me like that to stay with them together. I was in absent of words to express my stage and I don’t know how to begin which is something I stumble in my life ever. Entering home I was like empty hands, nothing connects to mind and refuse to concentrate at anything with feel of loneliness around. Hope I visit all your blogs soon… and thank you so much for those consoling comments dears.

12 comments:

Priya said...

You said it all beautiful the reality of life.

It takes time to comeout of it but good memories rekindle those and keep us happy.

Welcome back.

vishesh said...

welcome back :) true sometimes when we take a break we realize that we miss someone..

Jeeves said...

Welcome back...You got back my old memories..take care

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

It's a phase.Hope it all clears soon and the sun shines in your meadow.Take care buddy.

Balaji S Rajan said...

Jeevan,

Shocked to know about her death. Was she not there when I visited you at your house few years back. I understand your feelings. I have gone through similar phase in the past. Only time can answer to your thoughts and feelings. Anyhow, be brave and learn to live with it. I appreciate your thoughts. Take care.

Keshi said...

I think there's some telepathy between u and me :) cos just today I wanted to check out on ya and I see ur bak! HUGS I've been missing ya Jeevan.

Hope all is well with ya and ur family. I know u all hv been thru some tough times lately, with a family death...its hard and it takes time to get back to normal. I've been there, done that.


So take it slow if u must, and plz know that we r here for u. HUGS!

Keshi.

Thooya said...

Hugsss

Kavi said...

Well written ! And very thoughtful. When the dear ones go, they leave a part with us !

Annie Wicking and Loman Austen said...

my thoughts are with you and your family. Be gentle on yourself and remember we are here with you.

Best wishes,
Annie

PreethZzZ said...

welcome back... you still aren't alone... we are all here with you virtually! :) beautiful post... very touching and true... isn't it odd how some sad news can at the same time bring closeness and togetherness... but all in all remember she is still looking upon you... :)

take care..

Thooya said...

hugs jeevz

krystyna said...

I am with you, Jeevan!

Take care!