Regret to those survive

For everyone death is certain and happens sometime in our lifetime, so why should we go in search of it. Life is to live until the death comes in any form and let it happen on its own, why do we need to drag in. Sometimes more than mourning, we regret for the dear ones whom gonna struggle without them and such a situation happened to one of my relative family today, because of the death of my uncle’s brother at young age, leaving alone his wife and two little children to survive. Thought they aren’t gonna left alone since they have more relatives and dear ones to take care, the space of a dad and husband can never be fill with anything. None can imagine a situation like that so easily and explaining children’s mind on missing their father is impossible, but it could be similar to Paris speech which makes tears overseas.

Being admitted to hospital for nearly a month long for ripe jaundice, in cause of liver damage and due to liquor addict, he lost his life today early morning after a daylong uncertain situation in his health and been sent off to home from hospital in no means of remedy. We aren’t long time relatives until my aunt was married to his brother and I also used to call him uncle and he do care and enquire me wherever we meet. I haven’t been practiced with him more and know what’s happening with his life through my aunt and cousins. He was married to the women he loved and have two little kids, one in age 8 and other in 5. Being addict to liquor, he faced many trouble in his personal life and have also been sent to rehabilitation center lately to get remedy from the drinking habit and as a result he comes out well in treatment to console everyone, but it never sustained and he began to catch up with drinks again.

I met him at last in an event three months ago and even that time he was in drunk. I met his children first time at the same event, those whom I have only seen in pictures until then. They are two cute kids and there mom introduced me to them as a brother, thus I’m bro to my cousins. Thinking about them now, I feel regret for their future without a father. It might not sense me more, but looking into other lives suffers without a father I could sense something great lose. What if I sense or not, who had to be sensed and thought have been failed to realize and fell into the ditch of death. I would say, he searched his death and if he was an individual it might not bothered much since it affects him alone and his dear ones for sometime, but what he had done gonna affect the dreams of three individuals.

Its hard to imagine a situation like this in my life and for these little kids who know or not what’s happening in their life, makes me worry where would they search their father in means of fear, source of love, welfare and what all struggle they go through. And this happened to a father, who loves children and not alone his own ones and generally a kind person at heart, but got ready to leave everything for the lust of liquor. Life is one’s to live and making it certain is in our mind and we’re steady even we struggle but they’re in hurry while enjoying freedom. My deep console and good wishes to there family.

foot prints of growth

Leaving its foot prints on trunk
grows the coconut tree
making certain aid to man
to climb and claim tender coconut

The moment I look into one
the trunk explains me life
that rose stepwise
to reach high state,
leaving foot prints like the trunk
it helps someone, to
follow the taste of success
like the tender coconut – healthy drink

Following the foot steps
and grasping on the trunk
one climbs the tree with ability,
and similarly befits the life and carrier.

Memories of Krishna Jayanthi

(I captured this art lately from a wall in my uncle's home.)

Keeping away my faith and disbelief, Krishna Jayanthi is a typical Hindu festival celebrates the birth of Lord Krishna - which falls today. Few years back I used to visit my grandma’s home on this occasion, since she celebrates the festival from her early days. Sometimes we (me & bro) put off to school on this day, showing reason that our friends in neighbor enjoying holiday, and visit our grandma’s home in evening or after return from school, incase went. After look after the tea shop along with grandpa, she would return home in evening and prepare for devotion. Those days aunt wasn’t married and its always fun being with her, and ever after marriage she used to visit on this occasion along with little kannan – my little cousin then.

On these occasion we used to see grandma to draw little foots of Kannan from the gateway in ground floor to first floor in home and she would draw those foots very beautiful and we also use to try with our little cousin’s feet, by dipping his foot on the dissolved rice flour and make him walk, but it isn’t easy to make him certain pace, so after few steps grandma would drew it with her hands. The pictures, idols and stores say that Kannan is cowherd, and hence grandpa has cows and buffalos, I thought then this was the reason why grandma celebrates this festival when mom doesn’t. There’s a kannan idol at grandma’s home and it’s one of a beautiful porcelain idol where in a shape of child kannan crawling with a hand full of butter.

On this day the idol was out off showcase and decorated by home jewels and kept on a table for worship, with brass lamps to glow at both sides. Seedai and Murukku made by grandma are kept in bowls at the table and being an ardent to the savory of seedai, I would be standing near the table, wait for the camphor to extinguish after worship to taste the seedai. Usually I don’t like butter and on this day they used to urge us to have little butter to taste, but I avoid it, thus aunt used to apply it on the mouth when I don’t expect. Once my little cousin was dressed like Kannan and he looks certainly sweet and till now that innocent face never conceal from memories and obviously it was the last time I remember I attended this festival.

There’re two types of seedai, one is salt and the other is jiggery, in these I love the jiggery seedai. The seedai is made of rice and urad dal flour, rolled like globe and dropped into the boiling oil pan and deep fried get us the tasty seedai. These days’ people buy seedai from stores and thus lose the zest of the festival and the keen tongues like us.

# Current song: Mukunda mukunda... one of my favorite from Tamil movie Dasavatharam

Mask

Wear your masks, its swine flu spreading situation!

Many schools in Chennai had given off to students for a week, as a precautious measure due to swine flu alarm and also have been advised to wear mask while visiting schools.

I wish you all take care and be cautious with the influenza.

School time

Those are pleasant moments in memories now, but it never seen to be real in my life. It’s almost an intense eternal struggle I have gone through various moments in school time. Even thought been an average student it never bothers me like the troublesome gestures I had gone through every day in my school times. While looking into the early moments of a school lately in kodaikanal for couple of days, I can’t avoid the thought of unwanted morning hour rush to school in those days. Many a times dad would drop us in school in his bike and along with mom, but they would leave me alone at the entrance of campus, since parents aren’t allowed inside. They know or not, it was something like again waking on wire until reaching my class. Till 5th std all my classes were at first floor and the intense struggle was climbing in steps and walk past the sand ground and slippery pathway, keeping every pace at cautious.

This might sound simple, but it isn’t that much while caring a fully loaded bag at back and even not. I always wanted to be earlier to school, not that I like more studying or to spare times with friends, but to go before prayer bell rings, so that I could reach my class before students rush for prayer or the way they stand in line to disturb me climbing. In days later when I struggle more to climb steps, the situation seems worst to describe and I felt such disgrace and annoyance in the way students look and ridicule passing while. It isn’t easily to climb steps twice in morning – one for keeping bags and one after prayer, until I get permission from principal to stay in class avoiding the difficulties of attending prayers. But that doesn’t make any big difference in my struggle, and thus it sustains for a year and then I was stopped going for school.

After a year break I went to another school, where I was offered with classes at ground floor and so I joined 6th. This wasn’t that much difficult for me going to school, since the students and teachers are very helpful and allowed my parents to drop and pick up from class itself. The school would begin at 8.30am and only after leaving me at school, mom and dad will go home and get ready my bro for his 9am school and then dad will lead for his 10.clock office. Being special, there’s no restriction for me, even I go late or skip Saturday classes – which I never attended, but I never take it as my advantage unless impossible. Those days, my every day caution and fear would be on ‘I should not fall down’. The hard time in all is crossing the sand ground, and wearing shoes I feel very difficult to move and mom in one hand caring my bag and helping me without falling is the distress we only know.

Mostly the class rooms would be closed till principle arrives; and thus mom would make me sat on a table and leave home. After prayer, the rooms are opened and been settled, my dear class mates will come and help me reaching our class. Like no were ever, I only get to realize what friendship means from them and sometimes the school servants will help me. I really think now what disturbs my concentration from studies is because I think more about my inevitable situation and sustain. Watching the morning activates of this school (check picture) from far away, keeps me occupying the thought about my school days and I wonder looking at those students running here and there, doing all sorts of activities like bustle bees.

From every direction the students kept flowing into the school and many in uniform and color dresses and wearing sweaters, stands together for prayer in the little space available in front of a metal sheet roof class. The students arrives even after ½ an hours school began to run, and those comes after prayer are get to scold by teachers and few are even forced to stand on knee for sometime, as usual every school does. It seems like a private school run by the nearby church and it’s up to primary class. Leaving few, many students use the shortcut routes by jumping small walls, using single foot paths and certain pace on slopes without little scare to reach the school, and it simple strikes. As soon the interval bell rings, the students come out of the class and runs here and there, catching each other and plays in the confined place. But I can’t watch the whole day episode; hence we had to move to visit other places in kodai.

The cottage we stayed had a terrace and from there the views are wonderful and thus this school was obvious from there. Except nights, I always sat on the open terrace watching the happening around the place and clouds passing on hills and our breakfasts are also on the terrace, got chance to watch the school’s activities.