Haiku: Pain

Signs on ECR (& health update)

The ECR is a scenic coastal road in Chennai that leads to Puducherry, and I generally traveled on it up to Mamallapuram, my ancestor's hometown. Aside from being a historically significant location for 5th-century rock-cut sculptures, I always look forward to its road trips and photo opportunities. Here are a few signs I shot from one of the trips. 

ECR Enclave 

Seawoods Cafe

P.s. My UTI (urinary tract infection) is still bothering me despite the medication I've been taking for the past few weeks. I knew it was a severe infection, but I didn't think it would linger this long. I had an abdominal scan at home today. I couldn't move out of my house because of the stormwater drain work, and even though the pit was encased by concrete, they hadn't completely covered it; I couldn't ascend down in a wheelchair. 

Our doctor assisted us in obtaining an ultrasound scan at home via a diagnosis center. I was examined by the doctor who had arrived in his car with the scanning equipment. He was a senior radiologist who was very attentive and patient with me as he inquired about my urinary problems. As he walked away, he assured me that there was nothing to worry about. His remarks were courageous, and I felt relieved. 

After reviewing the results, our doctor advised me to continue the medication for the next month because the infection in the bladder takes time to resolve. Except it's time to piss, I feel normal. I hope it passes off fast. 

What a week!

I haven't blogged in exactly a week. Even though it hasn't been a long time, the last week has been hell for me, and even though I'm feeling a little better now, I'll need to stay on meds for a few more days to treat my UTI. 

It starts with a mild cold and progresses to a nightmare on the 21st night. The next day, it gradually turned into a slight fever, followed by urinary irritation and frequent urination. It was unmistakably a sign of a UTI (urinary tract infection). I had already taken an antibiotic for a cold, thinking it would help, but as it worsened, my father went to the doctor and was prescribed medication. 

Perhaps I should have caught a cold from my 8-month-old nephew, Kavin, who was sneezing around, and the UTI has boarded along. In 2020, during the COVID period, I experienced a similar effect that lasted more than a week and required five injections to get rid of the infection. 

Our doctor wasn't in the city this time, but dad called him and got me medicine on his advice and took a urine culture test to determine the infection. The lab test took three days to complete, and the doctor arrived on the same day to prescribe different medications and three injections. I finished one today and have two more on hold. The injection location on my waist has gotten uncomfortable, and the other two have made me nervous. 

The previous week has been indescribable. When my urine became purple in a few instances, I knew it was a severe infection, and I knew it wasn't an easy pass like the urine itself. I'm hoping to feel better soon, and I couldn't concentrate on anything because my thoughts were preoccupied with the difficulties of pissing. My frequent urination has also produced challenges for my parents, who are my primary source of assistance in my daily life. For both, life becomes stressful. I hope things return to normalcy soon. 

I will check the blogs sooner.

The Agony

All of the fingers are pointing at me  

I'm well aware of this, and 

I'm doing my best to avoid accusations, 

However, fate has chosen me as prey. 

I'm at a loss for words to describe this

How deep are the emotional wounds?

Behind my blooming smile,

The agony draws up to the roots.

It's nothing new to me.

Even though I pretend to be numb,

It still hurts, as it does most of the time, 

and stymies my lighthearted demeanor.

It may well even be an illusion.

But my emotions are real,  

And due to my inability, 

It surges and subsides immediately.

I

Wish it was 

The last day of my life

Let it was

Euphoric energy, pass through the heart

There she was

To send off, to a faraway land

There I was

Up close, to hold her pair of lips

At a blink

Life ends, clinging to her heart.

Choking Covid and Curfew - 2nd wave!

At the national level, covid is slowly reducing, but still, the 0.2+ million cases per day are too much to say even though it's a great drop from 0.4+ million cases a fortnight ago. The death ratio is at 175 an hour! 

We had really moved into an inconsolable phase of life, with every passing one, destroys plenty on its way and that shore up in their support. People are partially too late in realizing the situation, and we have already lost many and continue to hear the silent/siren cry from the wounds as we entered a nil activity from last night. Tamil Nadu state has gone into a complete lockdown for a week with all essential shops closed, except the provision of milk and medical.

Unswerving lockdown comes to force from today. But what seemed like unleashed yesterday, due to the full-fledged lockdown, the day was made easy for the public to purchase their need for the next week as a plan by the government to reduce the cases of covid. Tamil Nadu currently counts 35,000 daily, which is higher among the states of India. As of now, the north Indian states are decline in cases, and the southern states at rising esp. Tamil Nadu is witnessing the worst. Perhaps there could be some hike in the number of cases in the coming days due to the overcrowded and transmitted Sunday.

I hope we soonly come out of this terrific crisis. But not so without loss of lives and struggles. I see covid is teaching us lessons for a lifetime and provide an opportunity to study the attitude and thinking ability of the people in masses. As we all suffer and confine to home, nature is ready for another backseat ride following last year's lockdown series. Birds began to enjoy this transparent environment from fewer transportations and pollution; there's a lot of cheerfulness in the air, fresh to breathe and inspire in place of tiresomeness felt overall.

I see this particular week as significant in the course of driving covid in our state. But we have no option other than this successful formula (of lockdown) followed worldwide, and I predict our state could nearly take a month's curfew to bring the infection under control. It should be a difficult task for the government as well as the public to balance their financial status, but I wish we take all efforts to bring down the covid to never rise, as we all experienced to the extent of enough.

Covid Continuation and Personal Touch!

Covid hasn't changed its face in India and continues to storm ever stronger. Our state Tamil Nadu is increasing with cases at a range of 1000 per day. Since the assembly election results on Sunday, the yet to form new government has tightened the restrictions to an almost state of lockdown, leaving open the essential shops and limited public transportation. Whatever the government, without people's cooperation, nothing going to work out, but I could see a positive response, or accepting tendency from people, perhaps they continue to see the fierceness of covid 19 on every platform they roam and from their own circle of people. 

Last week one of our family friends died of corona. He's a barber, as well as an artist, who plays the traditional musical instrument Nadaswaram. He has played at all our family festivals, and everyone in our family circle knows him, and he's the only one who had cut my hair from childhood and trim beards once I started to grow. Since the early 90s, he owns a barbershop under the house of our grandpa's, and he succeeds the shop from his father as he becomes old and passed away later. So, until I was able to walk, I cut hair from his shop whenever I visit grandpa's house, and we never paid him, and he used to debit the amount from the rent.

It really saddens all of us, and we couldn't believe he's no more, and before the news become certain, I truly wished it shouldn't be him. I know he's somewhat indifferent wearing the mask, so I stopped calling him lately since the beginning of 2nd wave of covid, and I think now that I made the right decision. We couldn't share our condolences with their family or attend the funeral due to the covid. I wish he rested in peace.

One of my uncles and my mom’s cousin is admitted to hospital for nearly 10 days due to the covid infection, and he has been kept on oxygen. But his condition is far better from the day of admitted, and once his oxygen level becomes stable, he would perhaps be discharged. I have seen the indifference in wearing masks at both the persons I have mentioned above, and their conditions have certain created an impact on others, the importance, and need of wearing the mask.                

I think the people's anticipated price to realize the significance of covid seems so high. The consciousness is something I guess hasn't been obtained well by anyone, including some well-educated to realize what happens around them; forgetfulness is something natural, but how come one forget easily the terrific scenario taking place all over the world. Over a year, shouldn't we have learned to live with the mask? 

The health workers', doctors' lives are oscillating over life or death in preventing and curing the infection, but our roles weren't much greater, and their anticipation wasn't that much. Simple, wear a mask and stand or talk at a distance from each other is enough to improve the situation and quickly get us back to a normal lifestyle. Everyone is stuck in some cage, and liberation is a must to cheer up the body and mind that has been exhausted overseeing the destruction of lives and livelihoods due to covid 19. It's every Indian's responsibility to save our country, to act according to it.  Let's work together.

Regardless humanity

I don't think I need to reveal the situation in India as the world is watching us. Lack of oxygen, inadequate of certain medications to treat the affected, people oscillate for the second dose of vaccine and more on all, the corpses are kept burning, as the death ratio is at 150 an hour. Life seems to be beyond imagination and dreams to be dreadful, and I couldn't stop expressing my grief even I find it a bit difficult to stare at the laptop or mobile.

I realize my problem is with the eyesight, which results in a headache because of my irregular use of specs, but I would require checking with an ophthalmologist since it's been years, I'm wearing the same specs for 8 years.

Some people don't seem to care about pandemics like lockdown. People refuse to believe pandemic a life-threatening, even seeing the worst of their lifetime. Lockdowns or restrictions are unavoidable and certainly, a burden to bear, but with a social concern, we need to go through it; and we cannot be indifferent when our fellow human beings suffer and die in front of the eyes. 

Pandemic does not spare anybody, and everyone is affected in certain ways, and suffering is suffering, either it’s small or big; the path we decided to walk is our choice, and we must confidently face any obstacles that come our way. We’re too late to complain; as we have already traveled a year into the pandemic, couldn’t we have learned a bit or anticipate what could be next?

I think we keep focusing the light more on ourselves than throwing at others to see how far better we are, and anger isn't going to change anything, rather increasing the conflict. A peaceful mind, which a lockdown could abundantly provide if implemented, could unlock better ideas to tackle and improve the lifestyle and livelihood of people. Even boulders get different shapes, from the continuous flow of water, how come a muscular mass, relaxing its stiffness, with a kind of tickle, from a butterfly? The human body is made up of 60% of water couldn't the heart bears a trace of wetness, but the world is watching us with it in the eyes.

Let’s wake up and be conscious of every move we make, keeping in mind our dear ones around us. The spreading of the virus is rapid and ruthless, and if we continue with the recklessness, the result could be worse. I could not hear anything regretful from anyone around me when we're losing thousands of lives daily; it's inappropriate of them to complain of being confined and forceful to wear the mask, rather thinking about the difficulty of those fighting for oxygen. Oh my, where's the humanitarian? Please stop being senseless, and regardless even if you can't do anything.

Thank you

Spiritless Pongal Festival?

2020 exists no more, but it took away the happiness and festival spirit with along. I didn’t decorate the Christmas tree or put lights for Christmas and New Year, and now with Pongal, in 2 days I couldn’t feel excited in the usual way.  Pongal is the only festival that leftover to speak the tradition and culture of Tamil people living all over the world and it is a common festival that communicates our lifestyle and unites the people to support and thank farmers for their continuous work of feeding.

Every year we used to draw colorful Kolams, aka Rangoli, in front of the home to add auspiciousness to the festival, and boiling milk and rice in a mud pot, on top of firewood, is another kind of gesture greeting farmers and nature, and also helping the pottery workers.

I always love celebrating a festival beyond its religious beliefs and rituals, as I believe festivals are mean to gather people and celebrate the spirit of togetherness. Pongal is a social festival and farmer’s festive so wishing for their wellness is important and being a pandemic period, we had no option other than limiting our celebrations although our celebration is always restrained to two families. But this year is gonna be celebrated in the kitchen itself. Hehe

Talking about the past year will only make it sadder than happier, and it is a year the world will never forget for the number of losses mankind faced, but the consoling fact was nature restored its place even if it is a temporary phase.  Personally, 2020 is a devastating year for us apart from the pandemic Dracula sucking the life from all over the world, some lives were lost in our family circle and a couple of them were quite unexpected. Though no life is lost for COVID-19, my uncle’s death was the most sent tremors into our family than the cousin who died leaving back two little kids. No life is left to comparable and life is a life that is replaceable by anything but we haven’t been close with that cousin to deeply feel the pain.

This cousin is a good-hearted guy, and kindness would melt in front of his smile, and he had never raised his voice or think to hurt anybody, but he died out of high pressure and cardiac arrest. Perhaps because of this, he hadn't shared his problems with others, and this is a problem with many of our reserved types is to suffer silently. He’s a project manager in a reputed IT firm and an affectionate kid to his mom and with a problematic married life, should I need to define the challenges he got in front of him to cease his life?

My uncle is just 6 months younger than my dad and thus they are like best friends and whatever it is dad only call him first to know his thought before proceeding. I would say he was an iron man who lived among us, and his support to our families is significantly strong and there’s nothing he unknown, and has great grasping power to workout things at observing.  It was him, and it was on his captainship my brother’s wedding in November held successfully. But he couldn’t live less than a week to see them lead their life or any of our future events.  

We meet him frequently or to say at least once in a week or two, it was hard for us to think or feel he’s no more but we feel regret for our aunt who misses him the most as a loving wife. They lived like made for each other and as a cool and casual couple.  They lead any of our functions from the front and now seeing her confined to home hurts really. I hope she returns to normalcy and continues the way she was earlier. I know she too knows life has to move on, more than any of the other, as she already came over her daughter’s demise a decade ago. My thoughts go for her…

Thank you

In memories of Maya!

She came rolling into my life like a snowball

The furry coat, like snowflakes, goosebump

As she comes caressing around the legs

To lay head, cozily around the wheels

In hope, I won't hurt her, as I lived up to her.

 

She forced into my life like a syringe 

Though it hurt, she eases the pain to the least

Like an ointment over the wound, her licks  

Wet the heart, to hate her, to become impossible 

Unavoidable trouble to walk all our paths to delight. 

 

She’s someone I fought to forget

As her memories are quite fond, to forget

Never did I felt pain like this at the heart

Missing someone ever been closer, to

Share space in the bedroom for eleven years. 

 

She's pressure on life to always end with a cheer

And I ever got angry with her for human error

The black marble eyes often convey a message

Of love, affection, and care in reciprocation

I never dream of her staging a lifeless drama.

 

She’s truly an angel in the world of us

Still, I keep away her thoughts, yet a year to pass

Nothing disturbed me like what she did in my life

The furry soft were spike sharp when I feel at last

She departed, leaving us in the clutch of hearts.

Ps. To know more about her (Maya) click Here

10 Days Into Lockdown

Being a homebound, the Lockdown doesn’t make great difference in my life except that I didn’t went out for evening walks for last few weeks and I do things at leisure than before.  Usually dad used to go out for shopping vegetables (at marker) and groceries (at departmental stores) and he don’t do it daily so there isn’t a great difference here as well. And we have a retail grocery shop next to our house, where vegetables are also sold in the morning so we buy the most from this shop and only dad goes for a brief walk at the empty streets in evening as he found his blood sugar level had risen to result in mild difficulty in breathing as he stopped going walking after the execution of lockdown. He used to go for a walk on terrace but the little space wasn’t effective and being a stent patient he need to keep down the glucose level to avoid complications.

My brother’s fitness centre (gym) was closed from March 16^th and he too was at home since then and hasn’t gone out rather couple of time. So we were almost home staying and it wasn’t difficult anyway except for mom who has to do the household chores herself as the house maid is unable to visit due of lack of public transportation, my aunt aid her somewhat.  I really feel sorry for many a people who still unaware about the basic precautions of corona and are highly vulnerable to caught with infection. I see more people moving into the streets with no reasons and it looks the curfew actually come into force only after 2.30pm when all shops are closed really. Govt. is taking much needed action, even though we anticipate more, and more testing, the people’s response is disappointing and minutes ago too I see three boys taking pillion ride on bike. What kind of consciousness we create has become a question. Television media, newspapers, social networks are all busy spreading the need and not things of covid 19, but still this kind of indifference, ignorance and forgetfulness are all painful and scary to see and feel.

Official report says there isn’t a community spreading of corona in India, but I think we aren’t far away from a situation that could worsen us. The causes of covid 19 continue to rise in India and we have crossed 3k people confirmed with Coronavirus of 229 recovered and 86 confirmed death. Our state is in 2^nd place with number of corona sufferers. Though we continue to quote stay home, I see the social distancing is something people fails to follow or give a thought in practice. I wonder do people wash their kerchiefs daily, the piece of cloth what many tie on their faces in India, instead of surgical mask, to prevent virus. And how careful people are when washing their hands? We are staying in home but seeing people in groups or crowding our street (there’s a chicken shop two houses away from us is crowdie in morning hours) looks bit scary and likely infectious.

That’s all for now! Stay home, stay safe and hope the situation turns better for all-over the world.  Let’s wish for peace and quick recovery of people from covid 19.

Words

Words or sword
rip me apart;
dream or dread
put me dizzy;
I woke up
to face provoke;
as I invoke
some in snore;
I sore for
wounds not visible.

Words are powerful
to ignite fire;
either it enlighten
or burn to ashes;
I face storm
when I need breeze;
gentle I move
harsh the contrary;
hurt the respond
little heart ache.

Surrounded by grief

I don’t know how to express myself first, the squeezing grief of losing a furry friend who cared and loved unconditionally for nearly 12 years of relationship, and bonding that could not define in words, an attachment invisible to eyes;  Maya, the magic wizard of our life has vanished (on Nov 16) for ever.   I realize fully and consciously that the departed had happened though I still couldn’t console myself she’s no more and I feel really sick to digest, because we hadn’t been closer with anybody like her in the decade and she was there every day in our life and part of our journeys and this separation brought a great void in us and I don’t know how to cope without her further. Though I feel better now, getting back to the regular activities which I forced myself to keep away her thoughts (temporarily) but I know it’s not possible to block her all of sudden, as I was conscious about her every move and tiny sounds, I get disturbed when I hear anything similar to… because I was the only person in our family to have spent much time with her when everyone goes out on their business, she would be on my side.

Maya and me at my uncle's woodhouse, during a family vacation

As you all know from the previous post, the treatment Maya had been undergoing couldn’t make any improvement at all and the creatinine level has elevated up to an extreme high where dialysis become impossible because of her age and weakness. She had turned half her weight as she stopped eating from the beginning of the month and the last two days to her demise was greatly troubled her. I didn’t want to narrate further about her demise and it was really a painful moment I noticed ever, even I have lost some dear ones in past, their final moments were apart from my sight and this departure is something I really want to forget to retain only the cheerful memories  and brushes  of furry. 

Maya is an unplanned arrival and was forced to stay into our lives when we have any idea about adopting a dog or any other animals as pet, slowly she become unavoidable as a trouble as well a pleasure to increase and decreases stress. We had never been harsh with anybody, and this little furry ball/doll took it as a favour, tagged her in us and secured a quicker place to immovable. We couldn’t plan anything without her that let to miss a lot of opportunities and many a time I give damn but ever thought of denying her or lack in prior and to be certain she hadn’t been away for a day in last 7 years except that one day she stayed in clinic for uterus removal.

It is very hard really to swallow the truth that she shut her doors permanently and how close we’re to depart this way… she cared and was conscious when it comes to me and I enjoyed this care and affection what I even miss from human. From the conscience I could tell, she trusted me lot than anyone else and was certain I would hurt her ever, because she mostly sleep comfort by lying head under the wheels of my wheelchair!  Hope I lived to her faith and she shares a bond that had any doubts… Maya the word I frequent has turned whisper into ears, and I understand she’s no more but the practised tongue would take time to change.

Unspoken Still

Words cannot describe certain feelings
the pain in pursuing dreams, passion
when contemporarily rely on someone
or more than one, to even overcome a day 
comes with a question can I?

There’s something to be chased always                                         
even at dreams, and it could be anything
that anybody could decide the course
or chose the kind of attitude
from their personal vista.

Dreams come and go, but passion
keep tracking the path that flash lighted
sustaining a flow to keep track free
and a smooth ride is always on
however hard the surface rock!

Sometime it feels like nothing to lose
hopelessly life moves on, stereotype
that I always like to break
has become unchanged for a while
what decided by me not.

Like the terms and conditions that ever read
people never take time to read minds

or understand the difficult being different
as we try to outshine from the low light
their high beams brings us down. 

Year began with pain

A new year had begun and already 10 days had passed into the year and everything went as usual fine and obviously nothing to anticipate or perhaps change at this least time but it was the Sunday turned thing worst for me. As you people know the state of me, with difficult progressing on day-to-day life since the discovery of Dad’s coronary artery disease that prevents him lifting me I was look after by my brother and cousin but to put things a little ease we looked out for a part time caretaker to put me on bath and thus came one on Sunday and on the very first day itself I got hurt my arm through an unexpected move from him although he was cautious, it happened unintentionally and I’m still going through the pain which raises at night to keep me unsleeping. Both my arms have limited access and putting a bit pressure above it will reflect pain or tear of muscles or rarely fractured alike the one I got in 2013 on the femur. Though I wasn’t content the way he handled me, I understand he was not intended to do that hurt me but his quick attitude could never work with me and we have put hold him already until I heal to decide to continue with him or not. Right now I couldn’t think more while spending painful night sleeps and I believe it wasn’t a fracture. From Sunday I have been applying ice gel over the painful shoulder and right arm and my physiotherapist started the ultrasound therapy to support healing and ease pain but it was paining more and i couldn’t work on laptop for last few days and I post this from iPhone which was easier to use now than laptop. Will check all your post later or when I feel good or less pain! Have great Year all

An expression of distress

Dad is doing well after the stenting and no breathing difficulties anymore but he’s continues to stay in rest for few more weeks to get back to his regular activities. Thought it feel everything is normal I couldn’t take it easy with my life. I don’t know how to describe or put it in words the pressure I go through internal and it has no business with dad’s health and he’s alright. Like all, I dislike certain things or want to maintain a distance from people whose activities I don’t like or not suit my lifestyle which including my parents. But now life forced me to walk through those which I don’t know is how to unveil. Sometime people are fair and kind, and at next moment breakdown everything to make feel disdain and bad and we can’t blame them for that if that could be their nature, I would stay away, but when it bothers were just going behind them in sake of life. It’s a struggle purely to answer the conscience when accepting assistance physically and mentally couldn’t go through the all. I never thought life would shrink all of sudden when I wasn’t ready or even read the book of my future tense. I know I need to handle this really and I was in the process of planning my future and executing in bits manner but this huge skip is unexpected. This is my second huge leap after the femur fracture in 2013 that put me years ahead into the future, what I have dreamt was only average.

As I have told in my earlier posts, I, mom and dad were like a cycle where any part of the wheel gets an affect the entire cycle will face the challenge. So far I haven’t been to expect somebody to aid me on everyday activities and nature calls, rather occasional; my parents continues to be my saver to drive me all this while and I’m certain they will do it until we’re alive, but I do know I’m in need to look after by someone when they can’t physically support me. Though I know well I need to adjust with life and accept the changes and I too believe this isn’t permanent and I need to find a way if things haven’t change for better. I’m someone who couldn’t stand with people who easily change their mind-set and belief from time to time and draw a rule that frequently turn on and off. It may sound weird but sometime need to believe such people do exists and dealing with them is not easier. It isn’t a problem when taking things physically challenged, but I’m not an insane to feel about anything or insensible to the atrocities happening around me. Perhaps if I was a normal being I could have easily skipped or try to turn down or better, but being a dependent I’m limited and was forced to take things at teeth bite. I don’t know could you understand what I say, but still no problem at least I able to express something here and let you know something disturbing me lot.

Quite an unexpected trail

I never thought life would turn this difficult, this sooner, with unexpected happening into our lives. I couldn’t remark how I have been disturbed by the discovery of my dad’s coronary artery disease, which is a cause of narrowing of the arteries that supply heart with blood. To make it short blocks in heart. He was normal all these day and many a test result (related to heart) were normal except the treadmill exam, which taken on his complaint of insufficiency of breathe after having food or going on walk and climbing stairs. Seeing the result, the doctors advised to go for an angiogram to get a clear picture of the condition before going on further treatment. And the Monday’s diagnosis revealed three blocks on the coronary artery with a percentage of 90, 80 and 60 and for that the doctors prefer was either open heart surgery or placement of stents. But still we unable to decide and was expected to consult one more doctor, like we already done with two before taking a firm decision.

Except diabetic, dad doesn’t had any serious health problems but I do aware diabetic is a cause could bring anything into a healthy body, alongside lifting me and recent stress relevant to house renovation should be the prime reasons for the clogs. After mom’s surgery in May, dad was the only person to lift me to change in positions, mostly from cot to wheelchair and wheelchair to commode stool, with occasional aid from brother; I too haven’t took long trips since March visit to Kodai. Now it’s time for him to retire from the lifting course and of course he’s age 66, a fair reason to prevent lifting me but he did until doctor advised after examine the test reports.  For last few days my brother was helping on shifting and we too had sought for a part time caregiver and meanwhile the portable hoist is used for lifting. Like told above, I have no words to express my distress and pain and my only concern right now is dad’s recovery from the disturbing fact, and it’s no matter how I lead without his support but his healthy presence is more important for me and I could understand his situation and I hope the advanced medical aids will improve his condition and put back to norm at any state.

Though I sound strong and clear, I have fear about the upcoming progress in our lives and my dad and mom are a part of me so I could not keep away anything affects them, like I for them. I should say I really lost my sleep or fell into nightmares lot thinking his condition and our futures ahead; I too started to experience pains related to my scoliosis on spine and difficult at breathe some time. Though it wasn’t anything instant serious, but certainly a cause to bother me in near future and I tell myself get ready for the war with soldiers within! Haha There is no way denying the fact and I keep thinking and doing various things to distract the thoughts about the future and current occurrences. I truly wish stents works for my dad, so that he doesn’t need to suffer lot and spent more time in hospital and time to recover. Let’s wish for the best

Hideaway

An awesome woodhouse hides amid woods, near Kodaikanal

Sorrow fills the heart
yet nothing had lost
emotions gush to freeze
at the brim to overflow.

In the flow of river
obstacles are normal
but life isn’t silky pebbles
to wash off easily ashore.

Rowing is pleasure
only if the water is calm
in the rough sea waves
each day is a challenge.

Day and night exchange
giving chance each other
to hide the emotions in dark
and smile while sunshine.

Another level of challenge… waits ahead

A very difficult phase is waiting for us ahead. Before I say why, I need to tell my life isn’t myself but made of two more lives and do you want me to say what the other two was? Of course, who could be other than my mom and dad? We three were a ring of cycle and any damage or cause happens at any part of the circle will affect the rotate of the cycle. From the beginning, they were the two pillars supporting my entire life, though every parent support their children but the things carried out to be haven’t been same and my life is totally depend on them although they gave me complete freedom of thought and decision making of my own which has never been apart them. There have been many occasions where one has to take care of me in absence of another and they have managed it well all these years despite the difficulties but the upcoming days can’t be same as mom is waiting for a surgery tomorrow.

She has been suffering from prolapsed uterus for last few years and doctor has suggested her to go for operation to remove the uterus before it become complicate but she continued to postpone all these days only because of me – thinking who could lift me or help dad if she got operation. Because she was advised not (at all) to lift anything heavy post operation and complete rest for 45 days. Though the 45 days rest couldn’t be that matter since dad could manage (taking care of me) with the help of my brother and uncle, and the aunt and grandma could help making dishes. But quite no to lifting (for mom) will sure make a broken hand for dad and we can’t expect others to be there all the time and dad too has works to do and leaving alone mom could be very difficult. Though she could help me all other ways rather than lifting, will add load on dad and there will be the need of Hoist lot.

Lately she was feeling very difficult and pain in abdomen and it forced her to look out for a relief and remedy where there is the only option, an operation to acquire relief. She had never undergone a surgery in her life and being the first one, anxiety is not an easy thing to come out though she looks stronger and confidence and wanting for a relief is what I could see in her. She will be admitted to the hospital in evening for further check-ups before going into the operation tomorrow. Initially we prefer for a laparoscopic surgery but due to prolapse doctor decided to go for the surgical operation and she would be in hospital for next 3 days. I wish she got the best treatment and nothing goes out of planning (because we lost our great grandma a decade back due to a surgical mistake for the same cause) and this should be the first and last operation in her life. I have seen her suffering all these days and when she lifts me she would feel pain at abdomen later but despite these she continued to support me and I wish, and hope you too wish her the best, great sigh of relief.

Master Health Check-up

I underwent a master health check-up and back x-ray as I was going through some symptoms and posture imbalance more lately. Though I already have scoliosis and lordosis which is a commonest cause in muscular dystrophy and due to long seated in wheelchair, the x-ray doesn’t make a significant impact but still some different impressions have found which our doctor will reveal when we check tonight. The diagnosis with complete blood and urine profile doesn’t show great differences except few crossing its border which I am sure isn’t a matter to bring control, but the ultrasound scan thrown away the stones. Actually they mentioned it as cysts in kidney and not stones. I come to know that cysts are fluid pouches form in kidney, but I don’t want to go deep on it leaving doctor to reveal himself. Lately I find particles in urine, though it haven’t blocking its way but making feel so, so I took the chance to examine which comes as part of master health check-up.

The blood and urine for the diagnosis was collected from home by the lab person in morning (like usual) and I check the lab for X-ray, ECG and ultrasound scan in evening. As I have took ultrasound already I known drinking plenty of water is must while examine, but last time I didn’t find difficult as it was only the scan this time along with X-ray, ECG I struggled with bladder, though I have drink only enough water, the a/c rooms trigged the bladder  and made feel  anxious and painful. Glad I took my urine bottle along so I was able to pass on immediately after the scanning. My mind was thinking anything at that moment, and this is my second time experiencing the same as 2013 when I first time took the ultrasound. I felt a great sign of relief after passing this exam and I know it’s my fault to drink water at home rather after going to the lab. Perhaps this could be the reason to show high heart beat rate at ECG and I really hope it’s because of the tense moment with bladder. Now looking forward to hear from the doctor…