Diamond Jubilee of Independant India and Ambedkar's India!

The people of India are getting ready to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee of India's Independence on August 15. The Indian government is launching several plans to enthusiastically celebrate the 75th Independence Day, with one of its primary goals being to encourage people to raise the Indian flag at their homes, and workplaces, and change the photos on their social media accounts to the three-colored flag. 

PM Modi requested everyone to clap (when COVID outbreak) in recognition of the selfless efforts of frontline workers, doctors, and nurses who dealt with the worst of situations; the people went on a rally, beating drums! Later, he told them to light lamps in honor of their service and the lives lost in the pandemic; people set off fireworks and celebrated Diwali! Now he pleads people to hoist flags, and the ruling party is advancing, not even leaving the sea, where they have rallies in boats and employ force to sell flags in some places. 

I usually hoist the flag on Independence Day and Republic Day, showcasing my patriotism for the past 20 years, but this time the Prime Minister requested that flags be hoisted for three days in a row, from August 13–15, to commemorate the 75th anniversary of India's Independence. So far, nobody has told me to hoist the flag, and I'm doing it in my interests, so I don't need to follow this pattern.

I will stop here, I don't like to enter politics. Patriotism is something we all have in our hearts and are taught to be from childhood, as it is natural for anyone to feel a connection to their nation. Even though I don't speak Hindi, I love my country! Sorry, but the political shadow seemed to be following me. Because I am interested in both patriotism and politics, I couldn't separate the two; I am particularly drawn to the political leaders of the time who put the country ahead of their own lives and families. 

My latest read of B.R. Ambedkar, who created the Indian Constitution, impressed me with his insight, and his book, Ambedkar's India, was an eye opener for me in terms of caste and politics. 

Ambedkar's India gives a great perspective on caste and its root causes and why it needs to be slaughtered. Beyond that, and through various examples and concepts, he delivers worldly knowledge. I don't want to go into the subjects of the speeches of Ambedkar; the lawmaker of India has all the reasons to oppose the existence of caste and the importance of being independent; his consideration of all sorts of people and belief in constructing the constitution is remarkable to read. A must-read for Indians who anticipate changes within and outside of society. It's a book that reveals that he is not associated with any organization or set of beliefs for those who honor him for what he believed.

People may have different opinions on independence, but we cannot deny the truth that thousands of lives were lost fighting against slavery and tyranny under British rule to drive them away. In today's society, independence has many varied connotations, and most of the time it has been limited to one's function and terms and conditions. 

At 75 years of independence, we are still in a position to fight for our basic rights, needs, and issues; fighting (not just physically) appears to have no end until we fight for our last breath. There is no doubt we have tremendously grown as an independent nation, and it has not been an overnight development. We must never forget those who paved the way for us and laid the foundation for our country, allowing us to be ourselves and choose our careers. Though there are still barriers to certain people's development, I think education and rationality will remove those, and everybody will breathe true freedom. Happy Independence Day!

Prohibition to Laughing

If there is something unique that belongs to the human race is laughter. Though animals do laugher sometimes like the simian, it's the sense of humor that enriches our human lifestyle. Insisting we love and care and bring happiness to others and relieving stress like us. Life isn't and shouldn't be serious always; to keep it away, laughing is a great gift the human could have. 

(My happily laughing nephew Jeswanth)

They say there is no better medicine than laughter and that laughter is scientifically proven to help release certain hormones and help reduce stress, the leading cause of heart disease. And prohibiting such great cause laughter is an inhuman act and the prevention of natural ways of treatment.  

I think you have now guessed what I am talking about, yes North Korea's ban on its citizens from laughing, drinking, and shopping for 11 days! Drinking and shopping can be secondary, but laughing is a basic sense of being human, and banning it can not be brought within any definition. Simply a foolish act of inhuman. 

There is no wonder the announcement coming from a country ruled by a dictator, although I feel sorry for the plight of the people of that country and would like to condemn this act. What is worse was they also banned crying loud (and moving out the body) if anyone dear to us dies during the 11 days - the mourning period of former Korean leader and father of President Kim Jong Un's 10th death anniversary. 

Laughing is a natural tendency towards anything that moves us in a light-hearted way and an emotion that infects anyone (in good nature) who comes across. Banning laughing is a force you could not implement at all; since crying and laughing have been the only acts child could do, and prohibiting it is quite an offense against natural law and the pinnacle of oppression. I wish the lifestyle of North Koreans changed and they experience freedom from the stubborn kid Kim! lol 

Lockdown Purchase and Business from Street Carts

Due to full lockdown from last Monday (24 May), the government had arranged for vegetable carts to sell vegetables at our doorsteps, and here is one of the carts that visited our street. Mom and neighbors picked up the vegetables sold at a reasonable price!

Though it is a good option in the absence of essential shops, I feel like opening the essential shops with a time limit is better than moving carts over the streets, with households wait to see if it comes or not. They have put temporary stalls to sell vegetables rather than sold in trucks and tricycles at some places. But the most inviting thing was the vegetable prices are reasonable, and some sell at wholesale rate.

The permission to sell vegetables in carts and trucks had open doors for those looking for an alternate to earn during the lockdown. Someone, who we know, owns a mini truck, now has started to sell vegetables in place of no business during this period. His wife, being a florist, who has experience in selling flowers, has accompanied him in selling vegetables and fruits. 

Selling in carts has another annoying thing which was shouting in the loudspeaker. The lockdown days are usually quiet, but these full lockdown days, which are extended for another week in the state; annoy, as the vendors come shouting in the loudspeaker. I know it is a temporary one and helps people at large and prevents driving down the streets for purchase. But those who come out keep coming out no matter what restrictions are imposed.

Now, even groceries are starting to sell in the cart, which means the full lockdown could extend for a few more weeks without opening the essential shops. The lockdown seems to work well for our state, and the situation is turning far better and promising. Country-wise too, the covid is declining and soon, would come under control.

But I’m glad I took the vaccine in advance instead of postponing it, as vaccines are in short supply now. I hope you guys will not miss the jab as well. Take care

Choking Covid and Curfew - 2nd wave!

At the national level, covid is slowly reducing, but still, the 0.2+ million cases per day are too much to say even though it's a great drop from 0.4+ million cases a fortnight ago. The death ratio is at 175 an hour! 

We had really moved into an inconsolable phase of life, with every passing one, destroys plenty on its way and that shore up in their support. People are partially too late in realizing the situation, and we have already lost many and continue to hear the silent/siren cry from the wounds as we entered a nil activity from last night. Tamil Nadu state has gone into a complete lockdown for a week with all essential shops closed, except the provision of milk and medical.

Unswerving lockdown comes to force from today. But what seemed like unleashed yesterday, due to the full-fledged lockdown, the day was made easy for the public to purchase their need for the next week as a plan by the government to reduce the cases of covid. Tamil Nadu currently counts 35,000 daily, which is higher among the states of India. As of now, the north Indian states are decline in cases, and the southern states at rising esp. Tamil Nadu is witnessing the worst. Perhaps there could be some hike in the number of cases in the coming days due to the overcrowded and transmitted Sunday.

I hope we soonly come out of this terrific crisis. But not so without loss of lives and struggles. I see covid is teaching us lessons for a lifetime and provide an opportunity to study the attitude and thinking ability of the people in masses. As we all suffer and confine to home, nature is ready for another backseat ride following last year's lockdown series. Birds began to enjoy this transparent environment from fewer transportations and pollution; there's a lot of cheerfulness in the air, fresh to breathe and inspire in place of tiresomeness felt overall.

I see this particular week as significant in the course of driving covid in our state. But we have no option other than this successful formula (of lockdown) followed worldwide, and I predict our state could nearly take a month's curfew to bring the infection under control. It should be a difficult task for the government as well as the public to balance their financial status, but I wish we take all efforts to bring down the covid to never rise, as we all experienced to the extent of enough.

Regardless humanity

I don't think I need to reveal the situation in India as the world is watching us. Lack of oxygen, inadequate of certain medications to treat the affected, people oscillate for the second dose of vaccine and more on all, the corpses are kept burning, as the death ratio is at 150 an hour. Life seems to be beyond imagination and dreams to be dreadful, and I couldn't stop expressing my grief even I find it a bit difficult to stare at the laptop or mobile.

I realize my problem is with the eyesight, which results in a headache because of my irregular use of specs, but I would require checking with an ophthalmologist since it's been years, I'm wearing the same specs for 8 years.

Some people don't seem to care about pandemics like lockdown. People refuse to believe pandemic a life-threatening, even seeing the worst of their lifetime. Lockdowns or restrictions are unavoidable and certainly, a burden to bear, but with a social concern, we need to go through it; and we cannot be indifferent when our fellow human beings suffer and die in front of the eyes. 

Pandemic does not spare anybody, and everyone is affected in certain ways, and suffering is suffering, either it’s small or big; the path we decided to walk is our choice, and we must confidently face any obstacles that come our way. We’re too late to complain; as we have already traveled a year into the pandemic, couldn’t we have learned a bit or anticipate what could be next?

I think we keep focusing the light more on ourselves than throwing at others to see how far better we are, and anger isn't going to change anything, rather increasing the conflict. A peaceful mind, which a lockdown could abundantly provide if implemented, could unlock better ideas to tackle and improve the lifestyle and livelihood of people. Even boulders get different shapes, from the continuous flow of water, how come a muscular mass, relaxing its stiffness, with a kind of tickle, from a butterfly? The human body is made up of 60% of water couldn't the heart bears a trace of wetness, but the world is watching us with it in the eyes.

Let’s wake up and be conscious of every move we make, keeping in mind our dear ones around us. The spreading of the virus is rapid and ruthless, and if we continue with the recklessness, the result could be worse. I could not hear anything regretful from anyone around me when we're losing thousands of lives daily; it's inappropriate of them to complain of being confined and forceful to wear the mask, rather thinking about the difficulty of those fighting for oxygen. Oh my, where's the humanitarian? Please stop being senseless, and regardless even if you can't do anything.

Thank you

Country Cows

During the Veedur dam visit in February, we continued to travel on the dam road to catch up with the road that led to Puducherry, encountered a herd of country cows. The dam road takes us through lovely countryside, and before we head out of the dam area, we see a farmer driving the cows for grazing, and we slow down the car for them to move out the way.

The country cow breed is slowly disappearing from the earth, though the awareness to preserve our country species are rising it wasn't much satisfactory. The milk from country cows is unique in taste and has great benefits to health than the imported jersey cows, which is rears for the large quantity of milk production. But I could see a rise in the use of dairy products from country cows lately in Youtube channels, whose domination is high in the current situation or revolution of the Internet brings hope the future will take further into action.

I know it’s not easy to rear cattle or cows from my grandparent's struggle and commitment in taking care of the same when they were involved in the milk business. But without struggle, no changes happen, and we need to fight back to reverse the progress, at least to preserve the leftover for future generations. The world-famous Marina protest or pro-Jallikattu protest is also a part of the struggle to protect the country's cows and bulls since its population is decline.

The revolution of tractors and modern technology drastically turned down the need for cattle but still, the country cows are reared for milk and dairy products.   

Linking this post with SATURDAY CRITTERS

My Experience with Megaphone

There were the days, during the elections, or kind of emergencies, people speak through the megaphone to draw attention or warn people of the upcoming danger.  Sometimes they speak live on the mike, other than playing the recorded voice of the announcement while coming around the streets in the autorickshaw to let people know. The same applied to the announcement of polio drops, every year, had now become a common use by hawkers in selling their items instead of shouting out the throat.

To my memory, I first heard the recorded voice (used by street vendors) was the silk lace buyers in bikes, in urging tone buying old silk lace of any kind at a reasonable price. And regardless of Sundays, they used to wander our street playing the recorded voice as disturbing the leftover peace, and many a time they stop near our home and playback the audio aloud.  Following their footsteps, I heard the same in different words from the sellers of Idiyappam – a rice noodle dish from south India, Kolamavu (chalk or rock powder used for drawing Kolam, a design drawn in front of the houses as an invite to home), Knief grinders; and many others on the track. 

During the lockdown days, some vendors came on the street selling veggies in mini-trucks, as coming out of the home has been restricted, these vehicles pull off the doorstep and their playback is something constant and without a break is a headache. Glad they aren’t often these days after the announcement of relaxation; though I care for their livelihood, the noise they create was a nuisance. Today I found an interesting thing happening right outside the home, where a north Indian hawker, with a bike, loaded with door and floor mats were adjusting his megaphone. And I just watched what he was doing as he handed over the megaphone to a vegetable vendor, who parked on his side speaks over it like one mat 20 rupees, two mats 50 rupees’ in his familiar tone of selling vegetables in Tamil.

It’s apparent that he doesn’t know Tamil and though he may understand, his trouble with colloquial forced to use him on his behalf. He playback the megaphone as the vegetable vendor moves a little,    turned back to respond with a smile. I moved the way hawkers helping each other even if it was a little bit of this. I think about the many vendors who ventured into the south Indian states (or any other state with different languages) to speak or understand, this kind of help from the fellow vendors will improve their business, and hope to survive out of their town. And this is what inspired me to write the post – my experience with megaphones.   

Despite I Smile

How long should I pretend to be happy?

To smile, while I actually couldn’t

Just like the smiley yellow ball - stress reliever

I was squeezed to smile.

While I pass through various emotions

The heart hurts the most, to break up

Despite creamy layers of joy or love try to forget

The scars remind me of the same.

And I tried to keep emotions at bay

But like a gale, I was pushed ashore

To pause and pursuit the same

To, lash repeatedly into the shore. 

No Liquor Please!

It’s obvious how Pandemic battle down people on earth and our situation in India kept worrisome as we lose nearly thousand lives every day and fifty thousand plus new cases. While Chennai sustain a slow and steady pace of pandemic cases, the cases in districts follows the same to count 5k+ daily, and in this situation the govt. has ordered to open the liquor shops in Chennai that was closed for last 5 months or from the beginning of lockdown. The govt. had opened the liquor shops already in districts other than Chennai and its suburbs in May but their decision to open in the city caused no surprise rather made feel regret about their quicker move.
 
I felt not good actually when the govt. announced shutting down of liquor shops in the state, due to pandemic, as I believed it’s not easy for those addicted to alcohol to sustain without drinking and would cause a perplex leading to violent behaviours.  I know some people who find difficult to skip a day without drinking and lead a life quite dedicated to drink. I thought about them and it isn’t that I support them but I understand the pattern of their lives from my perception and wanted them to be alive rather drinking something more poisoning. But to my surprise, the people’s response was superb apart from few abnormal cases of drinking sanitizer (due to alcohol content) and commits suicide because of the unavailability of liquor.  
 
The drinkers in Chennai has already adapted to the lifestyle of sober in last 5 months of lockdown, and without drinking; now opening the liquor shops will certainly turn down the newly adopted norms, people practiced all these days despite many difficulties and emotional fights. Many a family felt a sigh of relief when the liquor shops were closed as the men in the family doesn't need to hurt women or extorting money anymore (although it is temporary) it keeps the suffering away. Tomorrow, the opening of government liquor shops will break the cells of self-controlled alcoholics, who truly amazed me though their sustainability in lack of liquor what I thought of quite impossible.
 
The nature and environment healed a lot during these pandemic lockdown periods and the shutting of liquor shops is another gracious thing happens at this time and I wished it turned out to be permanent. I know it’s not that possible unless government stops obtaining money from the sale of liquor, but I think there couldn’t be a better situation that this to regulate or create a s ober like circumstance that could be good for the country and home. I know however we cry the govt. isn’t going to tilt the ear. At least until the pandemic is over or reduced enough the liquor shops can wait rather become a spreading zone of Covid 19.

RGB Monday

(click for enlarge)

Some cool drinks and juice bottles line up at the Marina beach… image, from long time back – what made me continue to write below.

Pandemic has made forget everything or to say at least a lot of things and the normal life too seems left far behind to remember. We adapted to the change of life already and I feel only traveling has been missed out of my life. Nature creates wonder around us and trying hard to retain its wealth which vanished through smog and environmental evils stealing away its richness. Pandemic comes as a great teacher delivering life changing lessons to every one of us in some ways, despite the battle with virus, replacing the senses to respond to the need than greed of life. People utilize this period in different ways; thinking how to be productive and manage the loss of the lockdown period and some plainly entertain with what comes their ways. Importantly I see many a people come out with their hidden talents and creativities during this period and many prefer drawing and paintings in common but what they do is unique from each other to amaze.

The Covid above us had become no more and the asymptomatic tenant got well himself without going into any treatment and his family is safe as well without transmitting the virus from him. Their house was unsealed today but they were out already as his quarantine period ended on Saturday, and he restrained well himself at least within his home and we got free disinfectant sprayed everyday until his quarantine period ends. One of my uncles passed away yesterday and he was bedridden for last few months but he has shown improvement in last few weeks lost his breath suddenly. Though they say he had high blood sugar and the doctor had changed the medicine that day, some doubts it’s a result of covid which hardly had evidence. Hope you guys are Ok!

Healing Earth and Me

Pandemic is what all about and all roads lead to same for more than last three months and we still have any idea where and when it all going to end though we know for sure it will and should be end at an end. Everyone should have gone through different experiences during this period of pandemic and lockdown and this goes like a real life drama without any rehearsals and it has affected us in no way one could imagined. But one great comforting thing the pandemic made was refining nature and environment.  Today being Sunday and final day of total lockdown the carbon monoxide level in the air in Chennai has went  down to the level of 8 what usually used to be 60+, which marks moderate air quality, makes apparent how significant the changes are. But this doesn’t going to sustain for sure when the relaxed lockdown come into force from tomorrow, however getting life back to normal is quite important while keeping the environment clean.

The lockdown really made feel secured a lot during these pandemic days as we’re uncertain who carries the virus, staying home we feel safe.   I didn’t find the lockdown a greatly difficult as my life is almost made into home  but as a travel enthuse its quite different and I live all these days with my travel memories and watching travel/food vlogs on YouTube. Nature and environment is clean making me so happy and I’m enjoying more bird sounds these days than vrooming bikes and cars. I think if not pandemic the earth wouldn’t get a chance to cleans the manmade dirt though it isn’t a happier way to support or got this done from peoples suffering and deaths. Nature is rich and it has the power to recycle and we’re same as any other living on the earth. Animals traces their roots and corridors while we shut our roads and leave no foot prints inside their landscapes, it still make  worry to hear even the predators (us) are lockdown in home, more than a dozen elephants died (including the one shot by farmers) for unreasoning in Tamil Nadu in last few weeks.

I could say the last few weeks were the worst days for me during this lockdown period and I think you people know and if not, I went through a long-time fever ever in my life and I quite terrified as you know we go through pandemic I’m uncertain and anxious what these symptoms lead to. Glad it was only a urinary tract infection and the injections worked really well and I’m out of it. But before it got over I had a severe sprain at my ankle and I am still going through the pain and swelling and if it continues few more days, I had to take an x-ray to see what really happened. My physiotherapist said nothing to worry but I go through doubts. I hope you guys continue on the safe path and stay safe at home. Wish the pandemic is over or reduced sooner to become not a life thereat. 

RGB Monday

Half baked in light and shadow. 

All days are same these days or to say every day seems like Sundays after the implement of lockdown. Just felt it was Monday today and decided to cheer up with a colourful image while there is sadness, fear and uncertainty rules the globe right away. Here I share my aunt’s colorful Kolam drawn for the Tamil New Year (April 14) in front of our house and it was a day passed like any other day. The lockdown is extended up to May 3 here and the covid cases are only at rise but it was bit better in our state Tamil Nadu where there is good numbers of recovery and less death ratio. I see some people continue to blame the govt. for lockdown as if they purposely doing it to punish them… I wonder where they lose their senses in perceiving the fact or failed to understand the progress of Covid 19 when everything they connected speaks the same. This attitude is really bad and perhaps this makes them act indifferently and disobediently to put others life at risk. Hope all stay home and stay safe.

India Lockdown

It is the time to be conscious what we really need or need to do, when a deadly virus is spreading into our society and becoming a mass by transmitting from one person to another. To control the spreading, lockdown is implemented from today throughout our state of Tamil Nadu like many other states and districts in India. No vehicle will be allowed to move in or out of the district and state borders except freight traffic; no one would allowed to come out of their house rather than buying essential goods and the lockdown will be in exists up to April 1.

What happens in Chennai after the announcement was terrific and people were almost forgotten the reason for lockdown and thronged the bus stands and chased the buses and crowd traveling to their hometowns since the work places and institutions are closed. That one scene of chasing the buses remind me zombies! Sorry to say like that. But that much of gathering is a way, that could easily widespread the virus to become havoc. Already one case of community spread is reported in our state and what if there’s someone like that in the crowd? The covid would travel to any extreme that is difficult to tackle.

We’re making ourselves get ready to fight, prevent the virus staying into our lives and living society.  Hand wash has been enforced into our lives which i think is the only way we could do something to preserve us apart distancing ourselves from others.  At this time we have any option other than following the govt. instructions, the only reliable source to save us from covid 19. Obeying the orders and self-restraint is more important to preserve us and our dear ones and it’s time to be real responsible and showcase the love, in an unusually way of distancing ourselves and live up to their reliance. India has crossed 500+ covid 19 positive patients and 12 reported deaths so far… People have to keep in mind that we aren’t forced to stay home to save ourselves alone but everyone we have connected in our lives. Hope the numbers become stable and were stepped down to no more. 

Conquer Corona

Prime Minister Modi has called for a 14 hour curfew, all over India on March 22nd to bring down the spreading of deadly coronavirus - COVID-19!  He insists for self-restraint rather than using forces to restraint. For those wonder why this 14 hours curfew and what changes would this bring in? Researches around the world have estimated that the life expectancy of the virus is 12 hours. Our curfew will be held on Sunday from 7am to 9pm, i.e. if we wait 14 hours, the germ that can live for 12 hours in public places will be destroyed in the meantime.

Then when the curfew is relaxed and next day when we go to the public places, will find those germ-free. This procedure is followed in other countries, where they have sought help from the military to confirm the curfew and those who violate this would be arrested or fined. So let us accept our Prime Minister's loving plea and support the government in a democratic way and uphold our nation's prosperity and well-being…Stay home, Save the Nation. Jai Hind

Precaution is Prior - Crime Against Women

The police encounter on all 4 accused in Hyderabad lady doctor rape-murder case is something I couldn’t appreciate while every other in the country praised a lot. The first thing stroke my mind when I heard on the encounter was the accused were only escaped through this act of instant death.  I see death, killing or execution couldn’t be severe than living to feel the pain and shame. I’m not against the encounter or support it either, but this could be avoided to punish them any other ways where they regret for their cruel act consciously. Life is precious, and one could not compensate on it and at same time taking a life involuntarily couldn’t be right and those culprits deserve punishment undoubtedly. But shot to dead someone will only free them from the consequences that make them feel regret or experience pain until they die.

The encounter could trigger a fear in those who think of molesting women but I don’t know how long this will sustain fear in evil minded men, when the world instantly and constantly turn over topics. I know the violence against women and children has come to light lot these days and this has to be uprooted from our society where new found thoughts are replanted or a change in perception of men, what should thrive from the homes where children are taught or practiced to treat women with equal rights, dignity and respect. Though they deserve lot more than what reaches our thoughts. Despite the actions taken on the accused and sending alarm to men we need to take conscious measure in protecting ourselves at first place before turn over the society.

We somehow knew the society we live isn’t secure – so what we’re in need of lot more security cameras – and in this condition we have to make certain of our own safety. Though they say fear is an illusion in darkness but all conditions aren’t same and what hides in darkness couldn’t be predicted. So it is better we have a torch to guide us safely and beware on every steps forward in a place (society) where it feel suspicious. I wonder what the education system teaches us rather how to protect ourselves first and tackle a suspect trying to hurt us. Why can't the institutions, workplaces guides/practices on self-defence as prior courses before they learn some technical terms, because our life is important than what we learn or earn. Children and women should be aware of the circumstances they work, study or routes commute as these are the places vulnerable for sexual maniacs to attack. Last but not least, these are things that should never let down women who had come to a place which isn’t easily to come over and men had to protect them from their own sexual.

Unspoken Still

Words cannot describe certain feelings
the pain in pursuing dreams, passion
when contemporarily rely on someone
or more than one, to even overcome a day 
comes with a question can I?

There’s something to be chased always                                         
even at dreams, and it could be anything
that anybody could decide the course
or chose the kind of attitude
from their personal vista.

Dreams come and go, but passion
keep tracking the path that flash lighted
sustaining a flow to keep track free
and a smooth ride is always on
however hard the surface rock!

Sometime it feels like nothing to lose
hopelessly life moves on, stereotype
that I always like to break
has become unchanged for a while
what decided by me not.

Like the terms and conditions that ever read
people never take time to read minds

or understand the difficult being different
as we try to outshine from the low light
their high beams brings us down. 

End of Cool Breeze and Diverted Storm

The summer breeze has took backseat to zero ending up a weather that wasn’t complaint despite the bright sunlight, today turned out to be the hottest day of the year so far. There isn’t a motion of wind outside the house unlike few days ago where I enjoyed the cool breeze even at the midday to noon, things turned different overnight which perhaps due to the pulling up of wind by the cyclone formed far away from the bay. Body soaks in sweat unless sitting under the fan or blowing air con. The sky was mildly cloudy allowing light sunshine but muggy weather turned it worse with lack of blowing wind there’s unknown pressure in the atmosphere forcing us down. Being the last day of the month, April, it become an unfavourable despite being a month of nothing much to complaint comparing previous years (where the hot weather emerge even in March itself) at least coming to the part of my city at the state level.  

The weathermen read a report last week, sending pretty cool waves whispering happiness into the ears by forecasting a cyclone to form on the Indian Ocean and drives toward Chennai and its surrounding and I also mildly heard of red alert dispatched from weather dept. that we all looked forward keeping away the thoughts of destruction that a cyclone could create, it was the rainclouds that we desired to see showering, wetting and quenching thirst of our mother earth to nurture her children alike. But it was disappointing when cyclone took diversion from the path predicted, although from the experience in past the cyclone didn’t fascinate me as I too felt it was early to predict,  it was the rain we miss a lot since the failure of northeast monsoon that our water source is largely depend. All the reservoirs that supply water to the city (with more than 10 million people) has went drought and the only source remains now was the seawater desalination and bore wells. The weather is predicted to be terrific hot in coming days and weeks following the draw of moisture wind and land breeze to gain power. Stay safe Chennaities 

Year began with pain

A new year had begun and already 10 days had passed into the year and everything went as usual fine and obviously nothing to anticipate or perhaps change at this least time but it was the Sunday turned thing worst for me. As you people know the state of me, with difficult progressing on day-to-day life since the discovery of Dad’s coronary artery disease that prevents him lifting me I was look after by my brother and cousin but to put things a little ease we looked out for a part time caretaker to put me on bath and thus came one on Sunday and on the very first day itself I got hurt my arm through an unexpected move from him although he was cautious, it happened unintentionally and I’m still going through the pain which raises at night to keep me unsleeping. Both my arms have limited access and putting a bit pressure above it will reflect pain or tear of muscles or rarely fractured alike the one I got in 2013 on the femur. Though I wasn’t content the way he handled me, I understand he was not intended to do that hurt me but his quick attitude could never work with me and we have put hold him already until I heal to decide to continue with him or not. Right now I couldn’t think more while spending painful night sleeps and I believe it wasn’t a fracture. From Sunday I have been applying ice gel over the painful shoulder and right arm and my physiotherapist started the ultrasound therapy to support healing and ease pain but it was paining more and i couldn’t work on laptop for last few days and I post this from iPhone which was easier to use now than laptop. Will check all your post later or when I feel good or less pain! Have great Year all

An expression of distress

Dad is doing well after the stenting and no breathing difficulties anymore but he’s continues to stay in rest for few more weeks to get back to his regular activities. Thought it feel everything is normal I couldn’t take it easy with my life. I don’t know how to describe or put it in words the pressure I go through internal and it has no business with dad’s health and he’s alright. Like all, I dislike certain things or want to maintain a distance from people whose activities I don’t like or not suit my lifestyle which including my parents. But now life forced me to walk through those which I don’t know is how to unveil. Sometime people are fair and kind, and at next moment breakdown everything to make feel disdain and bad and we can’t blame them for that if that could be their nature, I would stay away, but when it bothers were just going behind them in sake of life. It’s a struggle purely to answer the conscience when accepting assistance physically and mentally couldn’t go through the all. I never thought life would shrink all of sudden when I wasn’t ready or even read the book of my future tense. I know I need to handle this really and I was in the process of planning my future and executing in bits manner but this huge skip is unexpected. This is my second huge leap after the femur fracture in 2013 that put me years ahead into the future, what I have dreamt was only average.

As I have told in my earlier posts, I, mom and dad were like a cycle where any part of the wheel gets an affect the entire cycle will face the challenge. So far I haven’t been to expect somebody to aid me on everyday activities and nature calls, rather occasional; my parents continues to be my saver to drive me all this while and I’m certain they will do it until we’re alive, but I do know I’m in need to look after by someone when they can’t physically support me. Though I know well I need to adjust with life and accept the changes and I too believe this isn’t permanent and I need to find a way if things haven’t change for better. I’m someone who couldn’t stand with people who easily change their mind-set and belief from time to time and draw a rule that frequently turn on and off. It may sound weird but sometime need to believe such people do exists and dealing with them is not easier. It isn’t a problem when taking things physically challenged, but I’m not an insane to feel about anything or insensible to the atrocities happening around me. Perhaps if I was a normal being I could have easily skipped or try to turn down or better, but being a dependent I’m limited and was forced to take things at teeth bite. I don’t know could you understand what I say, but still no problem at least I able to express something here and let you know something disturbing me lot.

Quite an unexpected trail

I never thought life would turn this difficult, this sooner, with unexpected happening into our lives. I couldn’t remark how I have been disturbed by the discovery of my dad’s coronary artery disease, which is a cause of narrowing of the arteries that supply heart with blood. To make it short blocks in heart. He was normal all these day and many a test result (related to heart) were normal except the treadmill exam, which taken on his complaint of insufficiency of breathe after having food or going on walk and climbing stairs. Seeing the result, the doctors advised to go for an angiogram to get a clear picture of the condition before going on further treatment. And the Monday’s diagnosis revealed three blocks on the coronary artery with a percentage of 90, 80 and 60 and for that the doctors prefer was either open heart surgery or placement of stents. But still we unable to decide and was expected to consult one more doctor, like we already done with two before taking a firm decision.

Except diabetic, dad doesn’t had any serious health problems but I do aware diabetic is a cause could bring anything into a healthy body, alongside lifting me and recent stress relevant to house renovation should be the prime reasons for the clogs. After mom’s surgery in May, dad was the only person to lift me to change in positions, mostly from cot to wheelchair and wheelchair to commode stool, with occasional aid from brother; I too haven’t took long trips since March visit to Kodai. Now it’s time for him to retire from the lifting course and of course he’s age 66, a fair reason to prevent lifting me but he did until doctor advised after examine the test reports.  For last few days my brother was helping on shifting and we too had sought for a part time caregiver and meanwhile the portable hoist is used for lifting. Like told above, I have no words to express my distress and pain and my only concern right now is dad’s recovery from the disturbing fact, and it’s no matter how I lead without his support but his healthy presence is more important for me and I could understand his situation and I hope the advanced medical aids will improve his condition and put back to norm at any state.

Though I sound strong and clear, I have fear about the upcoming progress in our lives and my dad and mom are a part of me so I could not keep away anything affects them, like I for them. I should say I really lost my sleep or fell into nightmares lot thinking his condition and our futures ahead; I too started to experience pains related to my scoliosis on spine and difficult at breathe some time. Though it wasn’t anything instant serious, but certainly a cause to bother me in near future and I tell myself get ready for the war with soldiers within! Haha There is no way denying the fact and I keep thinking and doing various things to distract the thoughts about the future and current occurrences. I truly wish stents works for my dad, so that he doesn’t need to suffer lot and spent more time in hospital and time to recover. Let’s wish for the best