The year had end for us with greater destruction and sorrow sent down to heart. Missing someone who’s dear, when we’re looking forward with hope and improvement in health is something painful to bear. Although my grandfather wasn’t well for last few months, he continue to show hope through his little gestures and when the force inside him decides to stop, no one could do anything and at least he exhale at peace (just like his desire to go home) is consoling. As you all know my grandfather has been with us until three months back, though it was for a short term, the time spent with him and grandmother was precious and never going to replace anything. He’s someone great at expressing through his eyes and I always see a yearning in his eyes for me. His affection and care is something very special for me and is always evident through his eyes. Though he couldn’t’ speak more and make gestures easily, I understand him quite well (I guess) but I can’t explain how much I loved him and mean to me. He’s been our great well-wisher and what and where we are today is only because of his chief intention and selfless being provided us so many advantages in life.
|With my grandparents, during one of our traveling to Valparai|
He had been a hard worker and active being until he decides to retire from his dairy business. But what brought him more down was the demise of my uncle in 2001 and just being idle draws greater setback at his health and a cardiac arrest in later years and expose to Parkinson’s put him out of action. We never expected him to become so infirmity as early as 70s (though he died at the age of about 77), while many older than him were progressing well. I’m one of his concerns to feel regret and many a time he had felt sorrow for my state of unable. Though the memories of him are immense and certain things are impossible to forget, and during the days of school, he used to pick me in his bicycle if I received none. Putting the bags on the handlebar, he used to pedal me to home taking on pillion since my latter school was nearby his house. In later days he used to drive me daily to a clinic in T. Nagar here, where I took Ayurveda treatment for some time. Driving through the heavy morning traffic is a true venture in his way of driving, and he managed it only because of the eagerness to see me as a normal being.
He had scolded me and also embraced at same, as he always had a special attention towards me. Until 2012 he had been traveled with me for many places, as I love doing so, he and granny had been great companions for us and moreover I enjoyed taking them along and I also thought they deserve going out, as they spent most of their lifetime for others comfort and prevented to be outside. Though his bad health condition is the cause for his loss of life, he has been emotionally disturbed by others or changes in their attitudes, forgetting whatever he had done and just for the brief of ego and updating their fake statues, made him feel anguished. If there’s something to exhibit purity, I think grandparents love and affection has a large space to accommodate. What the old age people anticipate from their children, as well as the grand ones was to make feel comfort, which I think, exists only by reflecting what we receive from them and that happens through sharing. Though my grandpa’s demise left a deep sadness and hollow in our lives, the consoling thing was that we had been around him and also got to spent time back at home (when he was staying with us) before the unexpected blow.
I know he lived a content life and his death was also peaceful and concluded without pain. But grandma’s state really makes us all worry. She has broken down quite when let know grandfather is no more and also become fragile weeping all the time from the moment doctor declared his death. Grandfather got a severe heart attack on 30th night and become unconscious when transferring to hospital where they told he has died on the way or at home. After years I visited my grandparent’s house to pay my respect for the grandfather, who was kept at his newly built home, which was constructed mainly for his comfort of living and grandparent’s moved to this house only 3 months back. Grandma couldn’t console the loss and the struggles she took to make certain he’s well and his needs are addressed to become nothing now make her feel lost. I don’t know how to console her and seeing me she burst into emotions as she knew how much I love him and they petted me. Wondering what would have been filled in his mind during the last moment of breath, which I believe, perhaps, how granny going to accept his destiny? I know it’s impossible to anticipate feeling better soon from granny, but I do hope she come up from his loss and lead her remaining life at peace in the embrace of his dear ones like us.