fate and desire

(pic:I wonder where these goats go on fate to rest on human dish or migrate.)

These days life seems so dry and tiresome, unwilling to do anything and wanted to sleep, but no slumber. I’m feeling setback, whether I hide or seek somehow its true and mind says something goes wrong and I can’t be normal, as there was something striking me that I have done a mistake, but I don’t know what it was. Perhaps I had been traveled for a week long and what I had gone through those days could be reflecting on my body and mind that seeks interest to be normal. More than saying I’m trying hard, I struggle everyday to maintain my activities that goes out of touch. One or the few activities obviously indicate me lose of hope and one important thing is walking. I can’t walk miles, but I could put few steps on my own in help of calipers. I could say it’s the only hope that left for sometime now that I’m on my foot. It really bothers me these days, if not physically, it affects my intension.

The sun shines throughout the day immense, which could I blame for the suffering? I wake up lately not less than 9am, and to my wonder I couldn’t sleep more than 6am in cold weather and feel so active, thus I am trying hard to wake early and interestingly that day would be more fine than normal. Hopeless, it comes always whenever I’m imbalance and secondly I couldn’t console myself with fate or do I greet him, because I could be blamed for desire. But it’s a part of my life. I’m also a normal being with mind, to console to live with what I have, thinking myself better than others who face severe disorders and multiple challenges. I think I have a way to go and immense in mind, but I never know or not what yet to happen. I have an outline of my life, when something goes wrong unexpectedly it suffers for long and I always feel, for a day’s drama we should never loss our real life last for long. But I feel of crossing the line in weariness and desire, whether I would happen to fell in the ditch of drama. Mind and body often acts different and what mind says couldn’t followed by the body, and what surprise is unexpected downfall. I escape from the believers who can’t understand the disorder, but nothing can stop me from strive which distress me often. I do care little about my body which is not in my control, but mentally I was occupied by thoughts about my physical.

In short, I was caught up between fate and desire, and obviously fate would win and sometime desire least prevent and advance fate.