School time

Those are pleasant moments in memories now, but it never seen to be real in my life. It’s almost an intense eternal struggle I have gone through various moments in school time. Even thought been an average student it never bothers me like the troublesome gestures I had gone through every day in my school times. While looking into the early moments of a school lately in kodaikanal for couple of days, I can’t avoid the thought of unwanted morning hour rush to school in those days. Many a times dad would drop us in school in his bike and along with mom, but they would leave me alone at the entrance of campus, since parents aren’t allowed inside. They know or not, it was something like again waking on wire until reaching my class. Till 5th std all my classes were at first floor and the intense struggle was climbing in steps and walk past the sand ground and slippery pathway, keeping every pace at cautious.

This might sound simple, but it isn’t that much while caring a fully loaded bag at back and even not. I always wanted to be earlier to school, not that I like more studying or to spare times with friends, but to go before prayer bell rings, so that I could reach my class before students rush for prayer or the way they stand in line to disturb me climbing. In days later when I struggle more to climb steps, the situation seems worst to describe and I felt such disgrace and annoyance in the way students look and ridicule passing while. It isn’t easily to climb steps twice in morning – one for keeping bags and one after prayer, until I get permission from principal to stay in class avoiding the difficulties of attending prayers. But that doesn’t make any big difference in my struggle, and thus it sustains for a year and then I was stopped going for school.

After a year break I went to another school, where I was offered with classes at ground floor and so I joined 6th. This wasn’t that much difficult for me going to school, since the students and teachers are very helpful and allowed my parents to drop and pick up from class itself. The school would begin at 8.30am and only after leaving me at school, mom and dad will go home and get ready my bro for his 9am school and then dad will lead for his 10.clock office. Being special, there’s no restriction for me, even I go late or skip Saturday classes – which I never attended, but I never take it as my advantage unless impossible. Those days, my every day caution and fear would be on ‘I should not fall down’. The hard time in all is crossing the sand ground, and wearing shoes I feel very difficult to move and mom in one hand caring my bag and helping me without falling is the distress we only know.

Mostly the class rooms would be closed till principle arrives; and thus mom would make me sat on a table and leave home. After prayer, the rooms are opened and been settled, my dear class mates will come and help me reaching our class. Like no were ever, I only get to realize what friendship means from them and sometimes the school servants will help me. I really think now what disturbs my concentration from studies is because I think more about my inevitable situation and sustain. Watching the morning activates of this school (check picture) from far away, keeps me occupying the thought about my school days and I wonder looking at those students running here and there, doing all sorts of activities like bustle bees.

From every direction the students kept flowing into the school and many in uniform and color dresses and wearing sweaters, stands together for prayer in the little space available in front of a metal sheet roof class. The students arrives even after ½ an hours school began to run, and those comes after prayer are get to scold by teachers and few are even forced to stand on knee for sometime, as usual every school does. It seems like a private school run by the nearby church and it’s up to primary class. Leaving few, many students use the shortcut routes by jumping small walls, using single foot paths and certain pace on slopes without little scare to reach the school, and it simple strikes. As soon the interval bell rings, the students come out of the class and runs here and there, catching each other and plays in the confined place. But I can’t watch the whole day episode; hence we had to move to visit other places in kodai.

The cottage we stayed had a terrace and from there the views are wonderful and thus this school was obvious from there. Except nights, I always sat on the open terrace watching the happening around the place and clouds passing on hills and our breakfasts are also on the terrace, got chance to watch the school’s activities.

Late unearthed Birthday

For me there’s nothing worthwhile like the wishes that comes from ones heart via words or gesture and I never expect things from others than a warmth wishes. I never distinguish things presented to me, on the worth of money, how big or small it was, but it’s a thing that presented to me in behalf of love. I mostly avoid saying my birthday in later days to avoid people giving me money and it’s a tradition they caught up to express there worth wishes and I don’t like it since absence of words. But no way I can’t make certain prevention from people giving me money on behalf and hurting them in some way and it’s not only the reason why I haven’t proclaim my birthday to my dear ones here and in real material. I’m so tired to say or uninterested to celebrate my birthday, doesn’t allowed me the day to be isolated.

I’m sorry, that I didn’t unearth the day I born into this universe, which felled on last Friday. Being disgust lately for no particular reason and feeling what this particular day going to bring changes into my life, I left the day to be another in a year. But people who could remember my birthday called me to wish via phone and email, and those get indication through Orkut and face book. Being remind by night my grandparents called me to wish and sweetly raised anger to not proclaim my birthday, and grandpa wished me a long and healthy life, and to make it certain grand next year when I turn to be 25. Being myself to miss almost everyone’s birthday, I’m so happy to be in some of my dear ones mind to receive wishes in various forms.

The next day my uncle regret for being missed my birthday and I argued it’s not my fault, and I unlike to go on saying it’s my birthday and get wished. But even I felt later to be moved in a strange way by not expressing my b’day to anyone and feeling regret, I sustain to the reasons that stops me from expressing. Been put into little suspense by my sweet brother Ghost Particle, I received a pretty cake from him on Saturday and surprising it was my favorite flavor – chocolate ice cake. Known or not he got me what I liked and I see it’s just a sign of understanding in our friendship. He always cares for me and uses every chance to gift me certain things as happiness and cause in understand and love. I love you bro, you’re too smart to turn my b’day somehow special and I did shared your behalf with the dear ones in my family.

I went to my uncle’s place and my native home on Sunday; to celebrate my b’day two days after its actual exist. With an intend and to resolve some distress I put on my b’day, I used this chance to deliberately visit there home, for lunch and to spent sometime. The days and memories are something often caught up with me every time I visit my native home and it was auspicious as usual and times spent on balcony is immerse itself. There were some conversations among us about the on going process around our places and with neighbors. By evening we went through a process of cake cutting and taking some pictures. Cousins are happy have me at there home after less than a year and we left home at night, and being away I miss them a lot and the home, where I lived over 20 years. Its four years since I set apart and every one of us wish to be back, but there’s no feasibility to move and unlike back I feel closer with them now.

Magical move

One evening when dark clouds began to shower suddenly, the two crows that belong to this tree for sometime now, flown from somewhere and grasped a branch of gulmohar, facing against one another under fern like leaves as shelter, interested me to capture the scene. The light blue sky and quite dark crows get me a wonderful view of silhouette, but interesting a little movement while clicking the picture makes it something special and I loved the cause it produced. I sense something charming and magical in this picture, and do tell me if you feel something?

Words, M or F

The following was my comment at keshi recent post and thought to make it a post here and it was just fun play to simply say which words are male or female, and to reason why they’re. And I just wrote what comes by mind at that moment. Just fun alone.

Printer – Female, since she delivers babies through a program done with male. (women is not a delivery machine ok)

Surgery – Female, even through surgery we can’t see what’s in there mind.

Keys – Female, in most of the homes it hangs on there hips.

Words – Male, hardly says facing women’s eyes

Blogs – Female, there occupation is more in blogs and I have more girlfriends here like never. hehe…

Water – Female, since there’re more rivers in India having female names, and the way women carries the water in pots on there top(head) looks beautiful and we also know they bear so much struggle every day then and now to fetch water in pumps and lorries.

Death – Male, because we lose our courage very soon and female are strong enough in nature. (I see it from my own experience in life)

Time – Male is the small arrow and female is the bigger one in the clock, because females does many works in time by going around many rounds in time male comes a round. So it’s female.(I keep in mind the office going man and homemade women, and man has a work to do in office, since she has many works to do at home and office, in case she works)

Sound – Female sounds sweet and they have beautiful throat to sing and I don’t tell males aren’t.

Banana – Male, I don’t like bananas except the hill grown and I see most man eat banana.

TV – Female, and the other meaning of TVs are now mega serials. There’re lots of homemakers in this world addict to mega serials and I wish these idiot boxes closed soon, before people become quite idiots.

Money – Males go behind it always to satisfy there females and children.

Tummy – The inseparable part of males easily. After the boon of TV, computers and IT sectors, the age has swept away in falling tummies.

Trains – Female, as they pulls their whole family in order on a track, and any male would derail seeing a pretty women.

Hollywood – Is there anything attractive than females? And the city where Hollywood itself has a link with Angeles and how angels could be a male?

Kiss – Anyone would get kiss and all kisses would never be like given by our mother, girlfriend and lover. Every kiss has a sense of love and we almost get it from a female.

Window – We cause to see nature as women, since she gives birth to human. I often see nature exist outside my widow and my admiring moon is described as a woman, who is a Female.

Work – Male, it makes him sustain and creates a pride in this world. I do feel many times when a working person gets prior than me. It also keeps male from thinking about women.

Rain –It’s a cause of nature, isn’t it? I love rain and anyone would like a girl dancing on rain. Female

Inadequate to sustain

Life is like walking on a wire and its tough balancing without falling down either. Alike, my life could be easily compared with those walking on a string to adequate there life partly. Many a time I have seen in amuse at people waking on a string that tied between two sticks on road sides, but never realized it like lately when I face something similarly on surface to sustain pace. I’m trying my best to do better performance at paces but I’m inadequate with energy and strength to put few more steps, and what I like to express can’t be understood by anyone and my conflict is nothing concern them. I know I’m not to expect to address my conflict often and it might irritate anyone, thus my problem is unnoticed or unconcerned. I’m not looking for sympathy, but I need my anxious to be addressed and I’m not a human to sustain constant at anyone’s instant.

There’re people who suffers more than myself in this world, but still I’m a normal being to think my trouble is the precious. Gradually I sense my world is shrinking and I’m trying to expand it deliberately, but none know what’s happening with me and still keeps thinking in belief that I’m constant and sustain forever. I can’t even tear drops and just don’t want to say something to make someone feel emphasis, reflects myself in stress. I could sense a lot of difference and difficult in my every activity lately, but I can’t do anything to keep sustain except my exercise, since the disorder was such essence, I solace myself to accept whatever comes my way and I still believe to live my life’s full phase. You know I love a lot to live and even thought I sense sometime selfish, I think why I should feel when my self wasn’t good and it was humans right to live to make significant the birth.

To say certainly, my blog world isn’t set apart from this inadequate sustain and therefore I can’t be alike before here. Right moment both my reading and writing(typing) became slow and continuing so, takes much time to adequate either and at same time every other activity instantly struggle, I work hard a lot to keep in touch with every other sustain. Its not long back that I would finish a book less than 5-6 month, to the maximum pages of 600, but these days its impossible and I was interested in reading to extend my existence, and it faces hard time these days, but still I hope to adequate and keep it constant beyond disbelief. There’re few things that sustain me, hence reading and writing occupies me more.

Ones I used to type well and it helped me to work with a publication and for some reason I dropped doing it. Later when the publication contacted me again and even some other offers comes my way, I wasn’t able to replay thus I’m not sustain the way I was then and lately I sense more diminish. I just need no sympathy here or wherever, but my struggle has to be addressed and my position to be recognized for being inconstant, and if not here where am I going express my sense and desire. These days I really think those alike me had to be brought to worlds view and thus people could obvious us, and what we live is no mans imagination and we aren’t the normal disables. We’re coved by dark shadows and only profound torches of thoughts and emotions could find us where many bright hearts and thoughts shine in between struggle. Will the world listen to us and recognize, when our dear and near ones can’t?