Silent tears

Never like before, I felt so distress because of an incident that happened on Monday. My heart struggles to beat for minutes listen to the desolate end of a cousin who hanged herself. Since childhood I like her a lot and wish to spent time with her and she’s very kind, lovable and softhearted person and never turned her inherent even then we aren’t familiar like before.

Nothing bothers me like her departure lately and even then I missed my grandma couple of years ago, who lived along with us, I couldn’t sense such intense alike her. I know my grandma’s departure was peaceful and intend to age and potential, but her expire is a tragedy and will hurt forever thinking about her. She know nor not I like her a lot and even then she wasn’t interested to talk or share with me I often think about her and care for her good sustain.

It was about 24 hours she left my home, where I met het at last and when she says the least words ‘bye jeevan’, I never thought it could be the last. My emotion might be decreased at least if I haven’t met her this closer hours and she was very casual as usual and watched my pictures slideshow on computer and being get-together as families thus were we gathered for a event at home on Sunday, it was fun and laughter Sunday where she shows no sign to attend suicide.

When I think those last hours I couldn’t believe her true expire and I truly tear for her now silently. I used to wonder sometimes how she forget those days and happiness shared together and either visiting our homes on vacations and when I think now it sense dumb. Who can’t understand or recollect the memories of her parents and dear ones love, desire, sacrifice and the worthless sum they brought for her and celebrating her childhood days, how can she commit suicide whatever reason perhaps she has to take this decision.

Still the reason remains mystery and I don’t want to think or say something, and keeping away the thing whatever it might be, I just wonder in anxious how she could take this decision and what force her more than her parents, who are very friendly I have ever seen. I sometimes wish to be alike them, and her parents – my uncle and aunt, are so energetic and cheerful the moment whenever we get together. They gave her much freedom to chose her carrier and she worked in varies cities under an IT company and lately her parents were looking for a bride-groom and while she took this decision.

I don’t know how my uncle and aunt are going to bear this and convey throughout their life. Especially I’m worrying a lot about our aunt, who I have never seen her much in tears and distress and she’s a easy go person and much cheerful. I’m always against suicide and think who we to perish our life and did we brought it to defeat. I can’t even imagine how painful she might gone through her departure and thinking about it feels scary and freaking.

Life flew away in minute we take wrong decision and then we are no were to feel and who suffers a lot is our parents and dear ones. I always keep this in mind and have come across such parents and I could understand there pain and generally I think always that my decisions should never disturb my parents. They are always and already suffering for me and even if they could, I can’t bear them seeing in distress and physically stressed.

In my view, what the only guilt she did the worst is committed suicide and what are we feel guilt ones is just nothing these days and we have grown in knowledge and realization that doing mistake is nature and related to sense and in need. Who haven’t commit mistake in this world and when it comes to realization and truth, it immerses into the ocean and flies away into the sky.

Whatever the problem in this world, we have a solution in some ways or just accepting the truth or fate and try to face the life it has for us. I too have so many wishes and problems alike others and I sense I have more than enough, but with my conscious, I seek to live in between these, accepting what is for me. I wonder how well I have observed the life and obvious about me, and do things with less knowledge and experience, and thus how come others with rich knowledge, education and transparent in mind and health act senseless and fail to get inspire from others.

When people like us with immobile willing to live, what cause these idiots to die in short temptation or whatever to say. I always wonder and in selfish, why these people can’t take inspire and get solace by having a best life than us. Sometimes I like to say those commit suicide are very selfish, thinking about themselves alone and keeping away those crave for them. Though we can’t totally blame her and even we come to know what cause her to do so and what disturbs her intend and fear, but still I argue that self immortal is stupid and I’m not sure how well I sustain this mind forever. Let’s leave it to future decision.

Life isn’t dedicated to a particular purpose alone and it has many things to do certain. Think I see life from a certain distance and never gone beyond my parents and thus perhaps I don’t know whether there’s something intend beyond that and think I’m at basement of life and many raised as a building to see life at distance. I have been growing around my parents intensely and know how important I’m to them and how well they’re to me. But every life is not same and the way they enjoy the freedom in mass differentiates there life and world they see.

Love is something that cause affection and parents are those give us without an intention and whereas no other relationship gives that intensive. I have seen few mothers in the past lost there children due to accident and what the life they live is simply deceive, but I will never put path for a debate, as I have no more to say and nothing could describe a mothers love and care towards her children. Think I’m going somewhere leave the matter and why I’m saying these because, who is going to suffer a lot after a child’s depart is the mother - apart wife, husband and children, and I don’t know what cause will console my aunt.

Whatever I say is nothing going to change anything and goes pause in silence. My cousin has chosen her solace from whatever disturbed her through departure and we’re seeking to get solace from whatever left behind her in memories. I feel deep regard from my heart to my aunt and uncle, and I wish to be there always to cause solace to keep them away from distress. Thank you!

Angadi Theru – a walk into the street!

There’s nothing majestic to say about this movie, but it’s all about love at new site (plot) and reflection of existing life. Angadi Theru – the shopping street, bring back those memories of walking back into Ranganathan street in T.Nagar. The street being famous with chennaities exists like shopping means Ranganathan Street!

The movie discloses the concealed life behind those immense stores. It’s obvious the movie indicates the Saravana store and many other stores that bring youngsters from their native homes to employ in support there state and lives, but there are some unknown facts such as endurance are exposed here behind the joy of purchasing.

It seems like the director has taken the story from the common occurrence. The all new faces and being non famous keeps away the thought of watching a movie and characters performance is very practical and though enjoyable through comedy section – Black Pandi of kanakanum kalangal does a fabulous job, and emotion over the imposed inhuman on workers and treating them like prisoners.

Whether it’s true or illusion it’s hardly believable that slavery still exists. It’s a trend that directors turning villain these days and A. Venkathesh has the stubborn face and does worth bad supervisor being called as ebony. The lead pair is adequate to the story and looks fresh like a bloomed flower, and since it’s their debut they’re well introduced already in a different aspect.

The songs are sure to ring for long esp. Aval Appadi Onrum… is very pleasant and simple in lyrics. The Kadhaigalai Pesum… is simply rejoicing to sense adding Benny Dayal and Hamsika in sweet vocal. These are my favorite songs and often murmuring it now. Every song stands for something renews and I understand the worth of music thus created by two music directors together.

The director has observed little things well. The railway crossing incident and the vehicles run over those roadside sleepers are among those so realistic and recall the late incidents. The rubber ball cricket in village, the true taste of strawberry, the self employment of a toilet cleaner and destruction of true love are so real. I always expect the director to do more films as he touches realistic and captures the true happiness and sorrow we lost in logic. The late Album and Veyil of Vasanthabalan are my favorites, and Kadhal vaanoli… is a song from album, I badly miss and keep searching for long.

Angadi Theru, has something touching along the end, but a nice ending at busy street.

NHs and way to pollachi

We drive through national highways and I should say national highways lose the charm of traveling and bored due to emptiness. What I say as emptiness is because, it seems same everywhere u see and untouched towns and cities that lack interest and without trees it makes harder the travel on day time without switch on to A/C. I acknowledge the development of NH’s make easy and smooth driving for those travels often and who’re in time to reach, and accident free, but for me who loves traveling, NH carries nothing interesting for about sitting simple for hours. I also not forget to appreciate the NH’s authorities for bringing down heaven to earth by constructing these huge platforms for vehicles and wonder elsewhere looking at its building.

Waiting at the railway gate for minutes to pass the train with enthusiastic and in meantime tasting something from the window side vendors, who rushes in seeing our vehicles being stopped are one or few things that irritates then is out of sight, and we get nothing much in favor to see and know something from today’s NH. The roads are wider, clean and narrow; and the plants planted on the center corridors help reducing the head aches and dark eyesight due to the flashing against vehicles. Those are days we get to sense the changing atmosphere and nature while traveling, and within closed window and not much to observe, the traveling set to a mood of cool darkness. Compared to NHs, I go with SHs (State highways) even it was single lane and highly threaten and little more shadows; and these NH helps people who’re destination freak and who’re fates to live inside, thus every move has something different.

My favorite Black Scorpio, taken in pollachi guest house.

Even I chose to be unfavorable about the late NHs; I understand the need of best NHs and connecting cities and towns easily and welcome people for a pleasant ride I was traveling to pollachi last month and most of the roads that lead were NHs and the road from Chennai till Ulundurpet was very smooth and fine, and though we had to cutting Salem, we kept back the velocity and somewhere on this stretch I could see black smokes arriving through the ventilation towers of sugar factories on an active Monday morning.

There are toll gates that come as huge speed barkers at every certain km to collect money and many people blame these gates in impatience as if they’re bill gates having hat full of work. People told me to tie a political flag in front of the car; so that these gates will open freely, but I told clearly that I won’t climb the car if someone does like that. I have wondered like everyone, looking back the pristine roads and streets of foreign countries and when we experience something similar we have to be supportive and not make deceive. I feel it’s worth paying attention to these toll gates for a peace, pleasant, safe and fast journey in time and distance.

Karthik's home in Salem. There karthik's mom,my mom -holding maya, grandma and dad.

I think back there’s nothing much interesting to describe about traveling in NHs and the road lead to Salem was under construction and there are many ups and downs shifting back. There’re no memories about visiting this city more than a decade ago, the hills surrounded Salem is quite busy even at heavily strikes noon and we passed a street alike T.Nagar in Chennai. There’s much difference in food compared to Salem and Chennai and other places, as we pay more and get less in Chennai, thus we pay less and get much as food.

1008 Lingam temple, near Salem

There was a warm smile welcome us into their home in Salem against the sunshine and it was karthik’s mom whom waiting for us at her gateway and we spent sometime and left with a cup of cool drinks. It was again the NH’s and on the way came the 1008 lingam temple, where it’s under construction on a hillock near Kanjamalai and temple is belong to Vinayaka mission, a private education institute. The temple was wonderful to see from the road with hills at background. It was a coincident to face the sunset again this time passing through tirupur and it was another crimson sun.

It was turning down to sunshine and dimness emerges as we’re heading towards pollachi and it was stars like spread across the landscape, where the lights of windmills glow to silent movement. At last reach the pollachi gust house and hand felt asleep as soon spreading across the limbs after dinner.

Windmills of pollachi

Well we continue in another post.

Red Hills and little something.

It’s been a while I sense something true happiness and smile; and even then it wasn’t unusual, it sense me something wonderful as no one lately conveyed me love and gratitude this open mind. He’s someone very kind and innocent and a close friend of my dad and I have been reminding him to visit sometime and thus we suddenly decided and went to his home on Sunday in Red Hills.

He’s very glad about receiving me and I just felt how sustain he was truly expressing his desire and happiness, and it was such obvious and touching me. Unlike before, generally I don’t care about others in case my existence gives happiness to someone in dear and who could brake the barriers when there’s a concern and desire for me, but I do expect some respect and I can’t go ahead if there are others who feels unease and hesitate. Even I understand, the attitudes change from a person to another and though directly or indirectly, when facing a situation that seems someone neglect us in all cause present distress.

Except him and his missus, others aren’t familiar with me, but there’s noting to feel bad about before the couple’s gratitude and gratification. We had our lunch there and sight their newly constructing home later over conversion and went to the Red Hill’s Lake while returning in evening. There was something disturbing me there and it was nothing the bees and after a beetle entered by ear lately, I’m so frighten about these insects. First there was only one flying across their home and never turned away, and later watching it carefully I guessed it was not the one, but there are many bees on there way to their home through a open window and buzzing across my face while enter the room and I waited sometime for there turn, but they never return.

I hope there was something under construction of bees inside there home and wished it never disturbed there peace.

It was scorching Sunday and roadside tender water also reflects the heat in producing gentle salt water and wanted to think the tender coconut also get sweat in sunshine! Sunday afternoons are my favorite and due to gentle wind and empty state and sound to slumber, the moment would sense bliss in silence. There was nothing different where I was, the mind spontaneously touches those sense and throw back.

Climbing and moving along the bank of Red Hill Lake, views the entire reservoir in its full capacity, leaving alone a narrow line at distance and the gleams of sun set, which was something awesome across the lake producing golden glisten. It seems like a best place for the locals to go for a walk in morning and evening on the lake bank, keeping beneath the fast moving world and clam water bodies.

The lake is an important source of drinking water to Chennai, connected by couple of huge and small reservoirs in Thiruvallur District. The lake was still called as Pozhal Eari in Tamil and it continues to quench thirst of chennaities since 1868. The lake continues to hold its full capacity lately, receiving water from Kandaleru dam in Andhra Pradesh through Poondi reservoir apart storing rain water. One part of the lake bank has a better road to move on vehicles, viewing the lake and has sitting platform along the road to spent sometime in evening. The water level watch tower is a famed portion through media and stance as a picturesque with water background.

There was something said about the lake, “that it was used as a military camp by the British and where as an Airport for water planes to land and takeoff. In order to feed the plans, there were few huge M.S.tanks for oil storage on the earthen bunds of this lake and to the heavy movement of vehicles; the earthen bunds are enforced with concrete paths.”

On way back we saw the crimson sun in its whole circle, playing hide and seek between buildings. It wonders to see even on Sundays there’s heavy traffic in city and its suburb, and it sense injurious these days traveling in and around the city. Man I’m truly worrying about my environment whenever laving out of home and do wonder where our world is heading for and what do us and government to reduce the vehicle traffic and pollution. Ho! The whole world is rotating, and now includes my head.

Life and relationship

I was watching a program ‘what happens?’ on television and the day’s topic was about a gigantic join family in Tamil Nadu. It was amazing to see about 175 persons living in a family, without any obstacle and misconception. Being a traditional join family, it’s astonishing to see there faith and hope to lead the family as it is forever.

It is impossible to think about joint families in today’s modern times and there’re many families only willing to separate as nuclear family and none is on course to merge the dispersed families. I’m someone always wish to survive within a join family, as I have experienced it back by sharing with my uncle’s family, I somehow know its advantage, potential and togetherness about living as a joint family.

(Its mom, dad and me. click here to enlarge)

Many relationships have turned into much selfish these days to distinguish everything to mind and its very little wonder to see how people have changed in attitude. I always remain to never change in attitude and not even willing to change even I feel different in mind and action, but people change, so we are likely to change, but still I hope in relationship.

Changing to much immobile, it’s getting harder for my parents to take care of me and it’s impossible to avoid the thoughts of relationships that refuse to come on desire and prevent assisting. It’s truly hurting to see many relationships are at enquiry level. I don’t know what’s matter in saying we’re relatives, when the relationship is just in query ‘how r u’? I know it’s a manner across world, but what makes deplore is when it stops at entry level. What is relation and what makes relationship is obvious, but the level of obtain is still debate.

When relatives come closer is, when we’re in happiness and death, and when we’re in suffering and in need of aid, everyone stance in distance. I wonder why relatives don’t come in distress and come on there way without invitations to share our happiness and wealth. I too wonder sometime what people might think or not about me in meantime meeting each others.

I always wish to share with relatives, who come and make desire words in seeking each others and pass like a passing clouds. I’m so innocent you know, whatever people say I hope in desire and expect it to be true. But the fact is still I believe in those people and even I come to a mind to accept and share with wiser, and when we face a distress or hardship only anger comes on them.

Is happiness alone life? Money is a magic tool and could disappear anytime or moment. So we can’t be happy alone with money, and it’s a matter nothing matter when it comes to relationship, because money doesn’t related people as relatives and it’s our elders and practicing kinship. And why I say this is because we’re most of the time surrounded by relatives often and neighbors and friends stay in distance; and we can’t expect them more after certain limit, but I often think and wish this distance should be reduced or break apart to showcase the world, that we’re relatives no matter what’s background.

When we die nothing much loses or bothers anyone except our family, very close relationships and trusties, but we can’t live as it is nothing bothers life after death. Relationships aren’t crunchy and munch we chew in time pass and while surrounded by boredom and something in demand. Life is not alone delivery and death that we exercise lonely, but relationship is a practice that comes along our life, through ups and downs, happiness and distress, success and lose, depression and love… but how many relationships follow this formula, life?

I usually think about others – and myself even it has some selfish, I does it because I’m someone who depend on others, and feel life is bliss only sharing with others, and when most of the relationships come under relatives, its distress to see that these relationships only comes along celebrations, happiness and events and unmindful otherwise. There was something disturbing me about distress and desire about close relationships, and thus this post and lately I’m so obvious about relationship, but still debate continues…