Depressed yet impressed

Image courtesy: flickr

வலியை தாங்கிடு மனிதா 

வாழ்கையில் இதுவும் ஒரு படி புரிதா?

கல்லும் மண்ணும் காலுக்கு புதிதல்ல
பாதையை நடந்து கடத்திடு மனிதா.

ரத்தம் உறைய உறைய குளிரும் 

அட்டை வலியில்லாமல்  உறியும் 

அச்சம்  என்றும் நிறைந்த உள்ளம் 

மௌன புன்னகைக்குள் மறையும்.

Bear the pain man
understand this is also a step in life?
Stones and sands aren't new to foot
man, walk past the path.

Cold freeze freezing blood
leech sucks without pain,
fear filled mind always
hide inside silent smile.

P.S.

These phrases come to mind by 3 am, while I deeply distressed. But I don’t want to reveal what caused me so depressed at that mid night time. I had touched emotional core many a time during night, only the darkness could witness the silent war. 

A Personal Note on Sex

I don’t mind if you read or not this post, but I just want to share (record) something about sex here. No, I hadn't had sex ever before and I have no idea of having it further in future but I do want to confess I too have sex feelings and perspective on sex in general. Sex is always showcased as bad reputation in society, forgetting that without sex we are no more here. Medication and technology perhaps make different in case of lack of ability or infertility. But sex is an inherent part of every life on earth and every species have sex to reproduce their generation.

Sex is also sharing of cells and building a human is an immense pleasure, as well pressure reproducing a child in progress of death or life struggle. There’s a great setback thought about sex in general and it is always seen as a taboo in society where there are none to reveal the secret of sex unless one grown on his own to understand the progress. But I don’t think it is an easy thing in the world and it remains as immense trouble esp. during the age of teen, when no one was suppose to guide on changes happening physical as well physiological. In the internet era, expose to sex is not a difficult thing whether we went on searching or rather it come and sit on the screen, produces a fake image and almost confuses with illusive fact and figures.

My first time encounter with sex site amazes me with shocking images and coming out of teen and lack of internet knowledge, I had trouble then how to keep away those things out of sight. Perhaps what others might think of me when come to notice these things haunted me intensely. I guess many internet users have gone thought such mindset esp. the initial stage internet users or teens. Of course it’s not easy to restrain the thought of sex once expose to sexual content on internet and the images watched use to keep haunting, but things where quite different now with somehow understand of sex… the net porn never seem to entice me unlike before.

But latterly I found interest on erotica, unlike porn which always end up messing with dirty images; erotica exhibits sex in an elegant way and make it feel graceful lead to ecstasy. I feel quite fascinating reading thought erotic stories and poem, but I never taken it into serious thoughts or impose in real life. I just look into the matter with conscious effect and fun attitude, but never disturbing others.

I personally feel sex isn't a matter of debate to be good or bad, right or wrong but consider by fact and knowledge we need to look whereas it is suitable or not. Sex is always depends on mind, situation, health and age as per law; love plays an inherent role in bringing lot of energy and enthusiasms to lead a peaceful relationship. When sex comes out of reliable love isn't trustworthy as hygiene is very important for safe sex, as well being conscious towards health is vital. Apart love, sex is seen plainly a physical touch, which I totally disbelief because without a intend thought and desire sex doesn't exist. 

Man behind this Blog - MD

If you are new to my blog or couldn't check my profile, I need to mention that I’m fighting with MD (Muscular Dystrophy), which is a genetic disorder of losing muscles strength and I move everywhere on my power wheelchair. There isn't any cure for it currently globally and perhaps the only way of approach to it was to exercise constantly to delay the course of loss of muscles strength. There’s also a disadvantage lies in this progress of exercise which should not last for long duration; if the exercise had been stressful or painful  will also witness in loss of muscles strength. Physiotherapy has become a part of my life from the early stage of development with MD; I was going through therapy off and on and perhaps stopped for a year or so meanwhile taking medicines on various mode of treatment.

 I was suppose to write on this only because, I want to say that I was taking physiotherapy for the last three year had been constant unlike ever before, and my therapist Rajesh is visiting me thrice a week on a content fee. I could recollect the day he first gave me exercise and it was extremely a painful moment since he hadn't handled a MD patient before and unfamiliar with my body. But things weren't same, as he kept visiting me frequently, he understood me physically and how much I could endure pain lead me quite comfort with exercise.

MD is a common word used to describe the disorder, and DMD (Duchene Muscular Dystrophy) is the general appearance in most of the patents, but there are several types of MD founded later years. Gladly I hadn't come under the general category (even I feel quite regret for those affected with DMD, whose life span is not more than 25 years) I enjoy the extremely rare exception with LGMD (Limb-Girdle MuscularDystrophy), is an autosomal class of MD which is similar but distinct from DMD and Becker. LGMD encompasses a large number of rare disorders with the term ‘Limb-Girdle’ is referred to the muscles on hips and shoulders which most severely affected in general.

I don’t want to go much in detail about the disorder, as well the distressed or frustrated moments that haunt me immensely then and now, but with better consciousness and knowledge about the disorder I come to show somewhat normal mindset in latter days. I don’t think much about the disorder, but anytime I feel hurt I dislike myself being born as burden or frustrated. But the regret feeling doesn’t used to live long or I change my thought by concentration on other things or drown into dreams. I need to say I haven’t seen a therapist being so kind like Rajesh and I never seen him in tense or harsh during exercise (it’s a different story at beginning while he wasn't well aware about the disorder) I doubt whether he knows at least how to act severely. Hehe… Hope he better stay that way for me to continue happily the exercise.  

I think it’s time to go to bed now… time 10.13 pm. Thanks for all your support and encouragement on behalf fight with my MD! :)

PowerShot Sunday - Black-Rumped Flameback

This photo was shot at the current season last year and I saw this bird for first time only then in our neighborhood. The bird is a kind of woodpecker called Black-Rumped Falmeback or Lesser Goldenback, came perching the flame tree in front of our house, but on next compound. I shot the bird from inside the home and through the window’s grill, but I couldn't avoid the rods interrupted the picture since I took it in hurry, I couldn't think of anything rather not to miss the chance.

The bird seems to found widely among the Indian Subcontinent, has a typical woodpecker shape and distinctive golden yellow wing and rump in black. The under parts are while with dark chevron marks and the red crest on the fore-crown  fascinated me personally. Like any woodpeckers, this species has a straight pointed bill, a stiff tail to provide support against tree trucks and feet with two toes pointing forwards, and two backward.

I saw this woodpecker couple of times in neighborhood after my first time shot with the bird, I also got to capture few more pictures on the bird when it flew near last month and I will post them later. 

KBKR - Just Fun

I had some fun watching this Tamil movie KBKR (Kedi Billa Killadi Ranga) in theater a day ago, packed with wholesome comedy and entertainment; I couldn't find anything worth missed if you skip this movie. But it’s good to be left with lighter scenario, filled with moments of laugh riot.  From the director of national award winning film ‘Pasanga’, Pandiya Raj, has sought to succeed his name once again, with humorous genre, since his latter movies hadn't done fair business even the concepts were different, the indifferent screenplay doesn't make amuse.

KBKR is a story of two youngster (friends) who wanderlust without doing any job, but joyfully aspiring to stand for local body election to make easy money. Meanwhile both fall in love with different girls, and does funny and silly things to develop an attachment and also work as a volunteer under a politician to seek seat for contesting in election. The film almost travels on humorous track, with usual friendship factors such as combine drinking, pulling legs and silly fights (nowadays there aren't movies without showcasing drinks, while politician in Tamil Nadu wanted quite ban on liquor).  I think for filmmakers showing drinking scene seems giving reality feel, but I don’t know how long they are going to promote liquor as normal thing in cinemas? 

The upcoming heroes Vimal and Sivakarthikeyan play the lead role of Kedi Billa & Killadi Ranga – I couldn't connect what the title conveys, as both characters show similar characterization, Siva does better with his natural humor sense and Vimal’s tone come as his plus. As usual, Soori with his supporting role in friendship made ticking a lot.  Kazugu fame Bindu Madhavi (one of two heroines), come as homely but only to show some action… a distinct character reversible to heroes. Regina, apt to her name in film as Paappa (baby), does a cute performance.

Music by Yuvan Shankar Raja! No song was re-callable and except somewhere the BGM rocks and take forward the film… there’s nothing to say.  The director had tried to make it serious at climax but it hadn't stimulated well and rather bored. Overall ‘KBKR’ can be watched just for fun and time pass!