Nothing but a little regret!

It was a tunnel called the parental, and there was no light beyond it. No one knows much about me other than a concern, or I don't know that I haven't shown much of myself to anyone curious about the person I am or me. 

Aside from the primary feeling that life will be unbearably difficult without my parents, I worry about how understanding the people around me are. I don't travel far, but within my home and the extended family, beyond my mother and father, there is no awareness of me. 

People see me in my wheelchair all day, but I wonder what they think of me when I'm not sitting in a wheelchair.  Life isn't pleasant sitting in a wheelchair all day, but it is comfort compared to other obstacles such as attending nature calls, bathing, eating, sleeping, and other essential daily demands. I'm just thankful I have an electric wheelchair to get around on my own; otherwise, life would be difficult and timid. 

I just realized that, aside from my parents, the people around me don't know how to handle me unless I guide them. Still, the important thing is that they lack patience (which is a risk factor when dealing with me), and despite living nearby and seeing me daily, they lack the basic knowledge to assist me. They help us simply because we call them, rather than acting in their self-interest.

I was recently emotionally injured, albeit not directly affected, and I am positive it was related to my issue. I often felt like causing problems for someone because of how they behaved or acted hastily. 

It's a blessing and a curse at the same time that I can read the expressions on my loved ones' faces, perhaps because I notice details; even little changes don't escape my attention; the tone and, most of the time, their eyes reveal their intent while their lips go mute or overtalk. 

It all started in 2019 when my father had an angioplasty and stents placed. He had been cautioned not to lift weights, so he no longer lifted me for any position-changing activities. Since then, my brother and cousin have been assisting me with this, and we have only lately employed an assistant to help my parents place me in the bath and toilet. 

We had an assistant at the beginning of 2019, but he only came for one day; when he lifted me, I tore a ligament in my shoulder. We didn't look for anyone after that, but now that I couldn't bear the hardships we caused them, or at least lessen the burden, we seriously looked for a caretaker and got a nice guy through my physiotherapist. He works as an assistant radiologist in an ortho clinic, taking x-rays, and he agreed to assist me on the side.

Everything is going smoothly till now, and my heart also feels light that I won't bother my loved ones too much. Although I know they don't deny helping me at any time when we call, and I want to emphasize "just when we call," they are aware of how much I rely on them, but until we call, they don't reply or ask on their own and sometimes have to compel when they are out somewhere. It's difficult to do justice because they aren't obligated to answer, but I'm grateful for the unconditional help, which is impossible if they don't love me.   And I'm glad that, despite their apathy, they continue to help me, even though I'm upset that they do so without knowing anything about how things work for me!  

Following a two-month hiatus and the stormwater drain!

On Sunday, after a two-month hiatus, I emerged from the house or was hoisted down through the elevator for an evening stroll. As you may or may not be aware, the work of rebuilding the stormwater drain in our street, a project initiated by the Chennai Corporation to restore all waterways that carry rainwater by September, when the northeast monsoon begins, has kept me at home since June 3rd; even though the stretch in front of the house has built, it is still incomplete without slabs to cover the gaps left by them, and we were to do some mason work for me to access it through the wheelchair. 

I am dissatisfied with the work done on the stormwater drain by the Chennai Corporation on a contract basis. At least in our neighborhood, it appears that the contractors were non-professionals who lacked even the most fundamental sensibility. I'm furious at how they lay the stormwater drain in our backstreet, which was almost done but unevenly! It was narrow in some places, wider in others, and took many curves where there should have been a straight line; all of this illustrates their carelessness and unprofessionalism in creating a channel. The worst is happening on our street, where only 10% of the work has been finished. 

Coming to our street, the construction lags so much, and we're thankful that we fall within the 150-foot length they've done, but there are still a few holes to be filled with concrete blocks. I expected them to finish the work in less than a month based on the speed with which they excavated, but two months had passed, and they had only completed the length I described. Some housefronts have difficulty crossing the ditch with stretched steel bars, and no vehicle can enter or exit the houses. 

Worst of all was the mosquito infestation. We usually don't have mosquitoes during the summer, and only if it rains do one or two emerge but now that it's dry, the dug-up ditches holding sewage water from some residents' leaky pipes have become a breeding ground for mosquitoes, forcing us to stay inside after 6 p.m., closing all the doors and windows. Nonetheless, they find their way into our houses and make our nights a nightmare! We wake up several times during the night to use the electric bats to kill the mosquitos. It irritates us when they arrive, singing in our ears. 

I got a bladder infection last month, as you are all aware. I couldn't go to the doctor or leave the house to have a medical test to determine the severity of my ailment. Fortunately, the doctor treated me without seeing me and also arranged for the scan to be done at home. I'm doing well today, but I'm still on medication, which I have to take for another week. The local officials never pay attention to our complaints and are incredibly deaf and stupid, however, the councilor enjoyed standing in front of a section of the completed stormwater drain and then vanished, never to be seen again. Huh 

Signs2: Kodaikanal

It's been three years since I visited one of my favorite places, the Princess of Hill Stations, Kodaikanal. COVID has prevented me from meeting my lovely princess. Even if I get a chance, which may be brighter immediately, my traveling wheelchair isn't helping me because it wasn't used regularly, and the joystick becomes more difficult to maneuver. 

Signboard of my uncle's wood house in Kodaikanal

My aunt has been calling me to come to stay at their woodhouse in Thandikudi, on the Kodaikanal half-mountain, where they are currently camping with my grandma. I couldn't accept their invitation as I am not yet ready to travel. Apart from the wheelchair, I don't have anyone to assist because both my brother and the cousin who often takes me out are busy with their jobs, so either one of them has to accommodate me or I need to look out for someone who could assist me on travel.

Before I go further off track, I come to the sign I posted above. There is a welcome sign to Kodaikanal by the highways department at the entrance of the town or before passing the tollgate.  If you've noticed, there's a small typo on the signboard: "Deportment" instead of "Department."

The word "deportment" refers to behavior, whereas "department" refers to an organization or division of government agencies. 

I wish the days weren't so far away from where I could take distance travel. Even though I only visited Yelagiri in February, and on that trip too, I couldn't experience any places owing to a faulty joystick. I may be able to travel in less than three months because I have ordered a new wheelchair, which may take a month to build as it was to be customized to my comfort and needs. 

I take this chance to organize a wheelchair to be driven into the car through the back door and parked in the empty passenger seat. Because the vertical height of our SUV and its entryway is insufficient for a regular wheelchair to enter or exit,  I've requested a wheelchair with a seat that can be raised down and up, so this facility will save me from having to modify the car. 

A pretty house in neighbourhood

Like I said in my previous post, I went for a long walking at the neighbourhood on Sunday evening and clicked some photos on the way.  And the house in the images wasn’t far from our home and I have passed this house much time but it haven't captured my attention alike now.

The house looked pretty new, perhaps it was freshly coated, but actually it was the blooming tree in front of the house wants me to capture. I liked the architecture of the house with open balcony and rails around, and a hanging rail making way for vines to climb over. The most attentive was of course the red brick wall and a wooden gate painted in grey.

Linking this post for  Good Fences by Gosia 

Yellow carpet

A post shared by Jeevan Kumar (@jeevan.grp) on Mar 5, 2017 at 8:49am PST

Corporation road 

turns yellow carpet, as spring
 started to flourish.

Though its few ten feet 

a pleasure to walk past since

summer isn’t away 

While dry leaves make way

the cheerful yellow blossom 

draw wither season.

Ps. The haiku is an inspiration from the photo i shot during a evening walk (in wheelchair) last week.

Roadside garden Chain-link fence, dedicated to Tex Girl on bid adieu

Last week I was close to Elliots Beach in my powered wheelchair, testing the battery stability, as I have a doubt about its duration, come across a stretch of chain-link fence, protecting a roadside garden along the 4^th Avenue of Besant Nagar, Chennai.

A photo posted by Jeevan Kumar (@jeevan.grp) on Nov 12, 2016 at 8:34am PST

This stretch of road is popular among the local photo enthusiasts and film crews to take photo shoots, perhaps, because of less traffic; wider in space and almost quiet among the neighborhoods. The well laid fence on one side of the road, along the high wall of Olcott memorial school or Besant Garden, with nicely maintain garden and different kind of trees stretching out the garden is an additional attraction to this road.

As I carry mobile along with me, I took few photos along the road particularly the chain-link fence attached to green poles along the roadside garden with colourful bougainvillea, lookout of the compound wall take my attention. In evening I see many taking walk on the road (perhaps more in morning), but little cautious is much, as the road is almost empty the vehicles speed at their own.

A photo posted by Jeevan Kumar (@jeevan.grp) on Nov 24, 2016 at 1:53am PST

Linking this post for Good Fences by Run a Round Ranch, for last

P.S. This is supposed to be the last Good Fences link-in by Theresa (known by her profile nameTexWisGirl) of Run a round ranch, as she decided to bid farewell to her blog with this link-in for last. She has requested her link-in followers to carry on the meme… I hope someone take in charge of. Either it happens or not, I will continue to post under this meme on my personal interest. Thank you TexWisGirl… you will be remember always thought the good fences meme, and not only that way, but your support and sharing all these years in blogging. Hope you reconsider your decided later and turn back to blogging to share your support and interest. 

Chevrolet Enjoy, Test Drive

I have an eye on this Indian MPV for some time now, as I thought it could be convenient for me in both ways: as a passenger in front seat and taking away the wheelchair in the boot and another was to climb into the car along with the wheelchair by using a ramp. Currently we own an SUV and what’s the problem I hold with the car was except my brother, no one can put me into the seat and would be much difficult if try with others. We are using Mahindra Scorpio for nearly 8 years and before my fracture in femur (Oct 2013) things were fine and I was able to stand for a while for my father to lift me into the seat. But now I was depending on my brother every time to use the car and I have to drop plans many time because of his unavailability. Due to this we bought a hatchback (Suzuki swift) to movie around the city, but being a second hand car it gave us many trouble and we are force to sell it.

Because of this I have to miss many chances of going out and to keep this away I was looking for an alternate vehicle and found Enjoy will be suitable for me. Keeping my new wheelchair in mind and the reclining seat option; I thought Enjoy’s high roof and low chasses will allow me to access inside the car without getting down from the wheelchair. And Enjoy’s sedan like seating will allow my father/mother to transfer me from the wheelchair to car seat without looking after my bro and the huge boot space will accommodate the wheelchairs easily. But to confirm this I really wanted to check the vehicle personally and thus booked for a test drive. The car was in front of the home within 2 hours of booking and I eagerly went out to explore the vehicle, though it started to drizzle and before it turn showering dad transferred me into the front seat.

My brother took the steering and dad climbed into the 2^nd row of the rear seat and the company persons get into the 3^rd row and we went for a drive around the Besant Nagar. My first impression once got into the car was the wide windshield with great visibility all-round and the door windows are also big enough to get nice views, light and wind if unrolled.  The dashboard was very similar to a car than an MPV and has an impressive dual tone interior and reaching the dashboard and the controls on them where handy. The door armrest exactly comes under my elbow to support rather hitting the elbow like in Toyota Innova. The front seat has spacious leg room even after pulling the seat to maximum front. Though the seat is soft and virtually flat (like the familiar Scorpio seat) rather deep bucket, I find mild discomfort with the backrest which I think could be resolved.

The Enjoy they brought was a top end diesel (1.3 LTZ 8 seat) equipped with dual airbags, Anti-Lock Braking System (ABS) and Electronic Brake-force Distribution (EBD), Driver Seat Adjustment, Alloy Wheels and Integrated (in-dash) Music System, along with many other security features and comforting things to move on. Being tall, my brother find little difficult at steering but the seat height adjustment and tilt option made comfort. The ride quality is really wonderful and cushioning and even on the potholes and speed breakers the vehicle maintains smoothness despite the small/midsize wheels (175/70R14) for a tall MPV. Though the diesel engine releases heavy noise outside, there’s enough calm inside once the doors are closed, which perhaps because of AC and the cooling coil come blower on roof makes the cabin chill in few minutes of running.

The Enjoy is almost the height of Toyota Innova but the seat height (from the ground) is lesser than Innova, so the headroom has more than enough space and anyone taller could accommodate the vehicle easily. Inside Enjoy no one could complain on views, because the seats of the second and third rows where higher than the front ones and has much spaces to stretch the legs. The sales manager who accompanied us revealed the MPV can touch 140 km/h steadily at reasonably 78bhp (petrol is 102bhp) and a mileage of about 18 kmpl (petrol 14 kmpl). Before returning the vehicle I want to check the inner height/width, so insist the company guy to open the boot and placed the wheelchair by folding the rear seat, which can be folded quite, but if removed the space could be abundant.

Though the inner height is about 4 feet, sitting on the wheelchair (ordinary kind), it’s impossible to access into the car, but I still believe it’s possible with my new reclining wheelchair where I could lean back to travel for short distances. But for long travel, I could only place the wheelchair and other accessories at the rear and only 5 people could travel on the car. Being a low chasses (low floor) loading things into the boot is very easy esp. the wheelchair and also the person lift I bought for transferring.  When I think again, overall the vehicle is adaptable for me, though many don’t like the look of the Enjoy (being boxy in shape) I feel it provides the comfort and space that not many stylish vehicles could give. We aren’t in hurry to buy the car, but were in serious consideration. 

Signal Problem

After shifted to my current location and close to my native house in Adyar, Chennai, I chose to go to our family doctor for the check-ups in my wheelchair rather taking the car since the clinic is about a km from home. But the only difficult I face during this course was crossing the LB Road, the main road that connects Adyar and Thiruvanmiyur signals. Though there was a zebra crossing and separate signal for pedestrian to cross the road (near hotel Lakshmi Sagar), it wasn’t literally difficult, but until only the signal works.  

The signal i have pointed out here

The signals flashing orange (which means cross with caution) is a common one in the cities at night and it usually take place only after 10pm when the traffic comes down, but when it happens as early as 9 pm (which is also a peak hour in cities like Chennai) crossing the road is a challenge. Some vehicles stop to give way when seeing me in wheelchair to cross the road, but we can’t expect the same compassion from public buses and bikes. They kept moving even the signal turned red really scare me to cross and travel aside the road.  

My cousin brother used to come along with me and when the signal shut down he blocks the vehicles to let me cross the road. For me it shows the irresponsible and laziness of the traffic police to shut down the signal when there was still heavy traffic. Other day I was close to the signal and before I cross it turned flashing orange and vehicles started to cross from all directions turned to be difficult. I notice to amaze the signal next to this was working and regulating the traffic and here we are in trouble crossing the road. The traffic signals are automated and I don’t find there could be any difficult for the traffic cop to regulate but still switching off only sends frustration.

Friday Review: Thozha – A Reliable Friend

Thozha aka Oopiri (in Telugu) is a neat Tamil movie I watched from the drive-in and the drama deals with the relationship between a quadriplegic and his caretaker. The film is an official remake of the French film, The Intouchables, and the Tamil-Telugu version was directed by Vamsi Paidipally featuring Karthi, Nagarjuna and Tamanah. The film opens with Nagarjuna and Karthi inside a car, racing through the streets encompassed by police chase, traces the past on the journey they come together and the bond shared between them.

Seenu is a culprit comes out on parole and seeks jobs that could showcase his humanitarian and thus attends the interview for the caretaker of a quadriplegic billionaire, Vikram Aditya. Though he was attracted to the magnificence of the house and prettiness of Keerthi (personal secretary of Vikram), the obvious reasons he confronted wants Vikram to go for him and what happens from then becomes a life changing for both.

Although the film concern about things happening between them, it goes beyond and touches the lives of their individuals and personal feelings so well. The film carries emotions in lighter manner yet reached the sense and makes come out of theatre without any compassion and sorrow to keep us down. Though Karthi showcase cool attitudes always, the director and the script has utilized him so well and his pair with Tamanah is not new but looks afresh on screen, perhaps because she does look like over makeup!   

Nagarjuna, who is always seen as action hero in Telugu movie and last seen in Rathamohan’s Payanam (in Tamil) as a commando, chose to do the role of commanding from a wheelchair. I anticipated some actions scenes by him, at least in flashback scenes, but just stills to go. The car racing in Paris city was stunning and funny with paragliding. The comedy with paintings and the character of Prakashraj as Naga’s personal advocate was very good.

The music and songs were enough kind, but somehow sprinkles Telugu essence. The camera work was good and the lightning in darkness of Paris and the interiors of the house captures the mood of romance and loneliness well. The expressions and feeling of a wheelchair bound was nicely navigated, without making any negative impact and impressions. The attitude of making surprise and indifference make sense and I also liked the way the character of Nagarjuna was displayed to see apart from compassion and sympathy.

Thozha – stands as a reliable friendship! 

Ride to Elliot’s Beach in Wheelchair

Last month I went to Elliot’s Beach couple of times in my new powered wheelchair right from the home. First time I was accompanied by my uncle and cousin and later with my uncle, it feels wonderful taking advantage of the powered wheelchair with more power than the older and riding all the way to the beach on my own. Though I was accompanied by my uncle, there’s so much difference in the way watching the beach (or visiting any other place) from the cabin of a car and wind boring open landscape.

It’s been long time I took on the promenade of Elliot’s Beach and moving on the pavement in tiles was caressing taking along the cool breeze from the Bay of Bengal. I went there in the evening between 4 and 6 to keep away from the road traffic and rather going on main roads I take some narrow streets to reach 4^th and 5^th avenues and move into the promenade near Urur Olcott Kuppam. Only from that side one could climb into the promenade where it slides to road surface. It’s really disappointing to see there’s no ramp facility to climb that one step that separates the road and pavement.

Other day we went earlier and the sun wasn’t settled down and sharply hitting the forehead, so we halted near the police booth where the sun was blocked by the KFC restaurant on the opposite side. There I find a silver fence or rail making a neat presence along the small space of green devote to the beautification of beach, but except the bougainvillea in red and white all are withered. But what really bothered or make me feel disgust was the stray dogs that were lying here and there (you could see one lying on the sand in the above image) and causing menace to the public visiting the beach. I won’t have minded if they were looking good but they were all lookalike expose to some severe skin disease and infectious.

I am not against stray dogs, and there are enough stray dogs in my neighborhood and not all are threatening, but the once with rashes and skins disease could cause trouble and also affect other healthy dogs. Wish the authorities take some step in controlling stray dogs or removing the ones in bad state to some rescue centers that could treat them and left free somewhere.

Karl Schmidt Memorial (the white monument, built in memory of a Dutch sailor who saved a drowning girl from the sea by giving away his life) is peeped through the fence

For those unaware about Elliot’s Beach in Besant Nagar, Chennai, it is the second most visited place in Chennai next to the world famous and second longest beach in world, Marina Beach. The Elliot’s beach is about 2 km from my home and this is the first time I making it through powered wheelchair. 

Linking this post for Good Fences by Run a Round Ranch