Nothing but a little regret!

It was a tunnel called the parental, and there was no light beyond it. No one knows much about me other than a concern, or I don't know that I haven't shown much of myself to anyone curious about the person I am or me. 

Aside from the primary feeling that life will be unbearably difficult without my parents, I worry about how understanding the people around me are. I don't travel far, but within my home and the extended family, beyond my mother and father, there is no awareness of me. 

People see me in my wheelchair all day, but I wonder what they think of me when I'm not sitting in a wheelchair.  Life isn't pleasant sitting in a wheelchair all day, but it is comfort compared to other obstacles such as attending nature calls, bathing, eating, sleeping, and other essential daily demands. I'm just thankful I have an electric wheelchair to get around on my own; otherwise, life would be difficult and timid. 

I just realized that, aside from my parents, the people around me don't know how to handle me unless I guide them. Still, the important thing is that they lack patience (which is a risk factor when dealing with me), and despite living nearby and seeing me daily, they lack the basic knowledge to assist me. They help us simply because we call them, rather than acting in their self-interest.

I was recently emotionally injured, albeit not directly affected, and I am positive it was related to my issue. I often felt like causing problems for someone because of how they behaved or acted hastily. 

It's a blessing and a curse at the same time that I can read the expressions on my loved ones' faces, perhaps because I notice details; even little changes don't escape my attention; the tone and, most of the time, their eyes reveal their intent while their lips go mute or overtalk. 

It all started in 2019 when my father had an angioplasty and stents placed. He had been cautioned not to lift weights, so he no longer lifted me for any position-changing activities. Since then, my brother and cousin have been assisting me with this, and we have only lately employed an assistant to help my parents place me in the bath and toilet. 

We had an assistant at the beginning of 2019, but he only came for one day; when he lifted me, I tore a ligament in my shoulder. We didn't look for anyone after that, but now that I couldn't bear the hardships we caused them, or at least lessen the burden, we seriously looked for a caretaker and got a nice guy through my physiotherapist. He works as an assistant radiologist in an ortho clinic, taking x-rays, and he agreed to assist me on the side.

Everything is going smoothly till now, and my heart also feels light that I won't bother my loved ones too much. Although I know they don't deny helping me at any time when we call, and I want to emphasize "just when we call," they are aware of how much I rely on them, but until we call, they don't reply or ask on their own and sometimes have to compel when they are out somewhere. It's difficult to do justice because they aren't obligated to answer, but I'm grateful for the unconditional help, which is impossible if they don't love me.   And I'm glad that, despite their apathy, they continue to help me, even though I'm upset that they do so without knowing anything about how things work for me!  

Palavakkam Beach and Skywatch!

It had been a long time since I visited Palavakkam Beach in ECR, which I frequented once. When we were staying in our apartment flat in Thiruvanmiyur, I visited Palavakkam Beach and spent a lot of time lost in thought; whenever I felt like visiting the beach, I would go there, and it was the quietest beach with fewer people at the time.

Although Thiruvanmiyur Beach, also known as Thiruvalluvar Nagar Beach, was close to us then, I preferred Palavakkam Beach for its quiet, private atmosphere. When we shifted to Kottivakkam, we got very close to the beach, but I didn't go as often as I would like when we stayed in Thiruvanmiyur, and subsequent house moves increased the distance. 

Palavakkam Beach, now the fourth most significant beach in Chennai after Marina, Elliots, and Thiruvanmiyur has recently gained popularity. I had only gone to Palavakkam Beach a couple of times in the previous five years, and it wasn't the same with merchants, and the crowds had increased. 

I spent much time alone when my father left me in the car to go for a walk on the beach, and I was inspired to write poems and study things happening around me. I enjoyed the Palavakkam beach for two reasons: the stunning sunset and the moon rising over the sea, casting a silvery shadow. I went to the beach on three consecutive full moon evenings with moonrise, and the couples sitting on the sand occasionally slipped under its shadow, which I photographed a few times. 

I went to Palavakkam Beach the day before Deepavali (anticipated seeing some fireworks - but only deception remains), which greeted me with nostalgic memories of moments spent there and with loved ones; the heart longs for those times, which appear like a distant shore in the sea that is unreachable. The sky, and beach photos, you see here were shot on the same day. 

Linking this post with Skywatch Friday

Deepavali 2022 Celebration

Deepavali this year (Oct 24) was good, and I had nothing to do but watch the night shower of colorful fireworks that rocked the sky from all sides; however, I could only see the fireworks from the balcony that meets south. The day didn't feel any different to me, and as usual, the television shows were unwatchable, and I couldn't recall doing anything else with my time.

After five years, my uncle (my grandmother's sister's son) chose to spend Deepavali with us. I last celebrated Deepavali with him in 2017, and I wasn't expecting him to come, but it was a pleasant surprise, and he assisted me in lighting the fireworks I had purchased. Unlike others, we do not ignite Dias (lamps); of course, it is the festival of lights, where the rows of lamps adorn the houses; we used to do the same for Karthigai Deepam rather than Deepavali.

Nephew Kavin enjoys holding sparkler fireworks

So far as I recall, we only ignite fireworks in the evening, and the sound of crackers, despite its discomfort and animal hatred, has something to raise the festive spirit. I oppose sound and hence do not purchase sound crackers, but the sky shots emit sound, which is inevitable. I buy fireworks every year because I enjoy seeing them produce light and colors; I don't believe there is any link between fireworks and the festival of lights; it's the only time fireworks are accessible and burst, and most of us do the same. 

This Deepavali is also the time in five years that I went out on the day before Deepavali and visited one of my favorite beaches, Palavakkam Beach, with my uncle. Usually, I go out a day earlier to observe how things are going around the festival of lights, and seeing festival lights around gives me some self-enthusiasm. When it comes to festivals, no one in my family circle is as enthusiastic as I am, and I can't make anyone else feel the same way; at the very least, I celebrate myself with things going on around me. 

Following is a series of sky shots from the balcony:

Kavin's 1st Birthday Party

My nephew Kavin (brother's son) celebrated his 1st birthday on Oct 26th wonderfully in the Food Village (a beach restaurant come party space) in ECR, Chennai. The event went well, and the guests highly appreciated our arrangements for the birthday party. 

The event was organized by my brother independently, which is the first of its kind apart from the events related to his business. He looked for some party halls, but none were suitable, such as Food Village, which has an open lawn adjoining a closed hall to avoid a sloppy mess in the event of rain. Thankfully, nature does not shower us with rain until the next morning, which is uncommon because most of the events after my brother's marriage, which took place during a raging cyclone, had rain.  

We arrived at the venue an hour before the event began, and the nephew had a brief pre-birthday photoshoot on the lawn; I had some time to roam about the set up and take shots. A buffet dinner has set up on the lawn, and round tables were placed in the center to sit and eat, with a nice pavement to walk around. I liked the light and balloon decoration in the theme of blue; to match it, the nephew, brother, and sister-in-law also wore blue attire.

The birthday party was delayed by an hour from our original time of 6 pm, because of the late arrival of guests. The time we returned home became late at night. But this was not a problem. Everyone seemed to have a good time at the party, and some unexpected guests made it memorable. Just for the words of the invitation, a neighbor who had just arrived from Dubai the night before came over to say hello with his family. 

With close friends and family gathered around the stage, Kavin cut a cake, which was likewise a blue cream cake; he relished tasting the cake (but it was the cream) pieces fed by others. They used a firework candle on the cake instead of a traditional candle. As a result, there was no candle-blowing moment because blowing a firework is not easy unless it burns to empty. 

The only thing I didn't like about the event was the loud DJ music. While I don't deny that music is a party staple, the louder they play it, the more it leaves me in a blank where friends and family wondering about me can only shake their heads because I couldn't hear what they were saying and my words went unheard by them.  Even "happy birthday" and clapping sounds disappeared into the DJ.

We are glad Kavin wasn't grumpy during the party. Generally, he would whimper and cry his way through the crowd, refusing to go to anyone new. Most of the party attendees were new to him, yet he managed somehow without going to anyone! Lol. The guests showered him with presents and blessings. 

Food Village is entirely wheelchair friendly, with the restaurant in front overlooking the ECR and a party lawn in the back with a separate entrance from the sidestreet, which leads to the well-known Sai Baba temple. I had wanted to go to the restaurant for lunch or dinner for a long time, and it had finally come true owing to Kavin's birthday. 

These days, birthday parties are conducted mainly for Biriyani, and Kavin's birthday wasn't an exception.  There was Mutton Biriyani, Chicken 65, Parotta, Chicken gravy, and Veg-Biryani, for vegetarians. 

The food was much better and tastier than we expected from what we heard. I want to try the restaurant again for the biriyani because I couldn't get enough that day owing to the late hour. I generally avoid biriyanis at night because I'm concerned they'll be tough to digest, but I've had no problems so far and still want to avoid them at night.  

We hired a photographer and videographer to cover the birthday celebration, and I believe there is still a post-birthday photoshoot to be performed before the Pendrive arrives. After some thought, I stepped closer to the stage to take some photos and video of the cake-cutting ceremony; we'll have to wait a bit longer for clean pictures. 

In the end, everyone was pleased or had no flaws.   

If you have time check the video clip from the birthday

A couple of days for Deepavali!

Deepavali or Diwali, the word itself, would offer us joy, and as the Indian festival of lights (Oct 24th) approaches, both India and Indians living abroad are getting ready to celebrate the festival with all delight. 

Shopping, like any other festival, is crucial in Deepavali, and buying new dresses is a custom we once followed but abandoned due to the festival rush and other factors; buying crackers is another favorite activity we never miss. Either through the Deepavali fund (small money accumulated year after year by a well-known individual who organizes the purchase of fireworks, sweets, and other festival necessities) or by going to the cracker shop. I've been purchasing fireworks online for the last few years. 

Turn on the television, and you will see Deepavali commercials and discounts on any channel. Even YouTube channels aren't immune to the practice. The special buses for Deepavali transportation, as well as the busy streets of shopping areas, were also a part of the tidings on news channels.  Overall, it looks like people are engaged in celebrating the festival in some way. 

I believe no other generation has celebrated Deepavali like our 90s generation. Perhaps because I grew through it or saw a celebration that I didn't see subsequently or today. My mother told me about how their generation celebrated Deepavali, and it was my late elder maternal uncle who bought crackers for his siblings. He used to buy a lot of crackers at a reasonable price. He had been smarter during his childhood and also grew up as well. He has been a great support to our family and the good life (through wealth) we lead today is because of him.

I see that, like any other event, today's generation has lost interest in fireworks and Deepavali itself. Aside from the impact of gadgets, I feel the lack of interest in fireworks is due to laziness. This is only a point of view alone, and everyone has their reasons for staying away from fireworks. Of course, Deepavali is not only fireworks. I see Deepavali as a festival (like any other) whose key reason is to share and celebrate harmony together. 

To honor our festival of lights, the mayor of New York City has declared Diwali a citywide public holiday beginning next year, in 2023. And this is not only good news, but it will encourage people around the world to support the festival and learn about our traditional festivals, and it will undoubtedly have an effect. I wish you all a Happy Deepavali!