My new abode and stroll in wheels

As you all know I have shifted home to my pretty old area, where I born and brought up till I was 20. It was in 2005 we left our native house in Adyar for the convenience of mine, and to avoid the difficulty of being carried up and down (to the home in 1^st floor) each time while going out, we shifted to three different places in a decade except staying at our own apartment flat for 7 years, others were rented. I never thought I would come back to where I belonged and also haven’t wished as I know it’s not possible to go back unless there is great alteration to my native house.  

We don’t find any difficult with this house, except for few more works related to plumbing has been pending for the owner of the house to be done. We have settled for a comfort stay and the house was spacious than expected to accommodate all our things and well lit and airy throughout the day. The house with front and back entrance facing each other, accompany by two big windows, make feel not choked inside. I think mosquitoes are something impossible to avoid and it seems they are presented no matter where but to feel glad they are growing less day-by-day as summer emerging.

And to say about the street we live in is much quiet and clean, but right now an apartment being built on opposite to this house has been the only disturbance and I know once it completed the tranquil will return. I always wished our native house was in this street esp. for its quietness and neatly presented houses. Housed very close to my native one, I come to see many familiar faces once again more and also got to converse with few after long back and reconnecting with memories. My uncle’s family (father’s bro), who is living in our native house, frequent to support us in all possible ways and my sister (cousin) also visits  me after her college to spent some time in evening. It’s so good to have someone to give company although she’s busy with her mobile most time. lol

Other day I went out in my wheelchair, for the first time on the streets where I wandered, run and played a lot and pedaled the cycle plenty of times. There isn't much change happened in my area in the decade past although I find some new apartments and reconstructions has emerged and roads enhanced to concrete from the tear up to tar. My uncle accompanied me, also led to our native house to say hi to my cousin and aunt who come down in regard receiving me as I could not go to their upstairs home. Like I wished not many noticed me in the area that day, as most are shifted to various places and those being in touch know my condition well but not many would seen me in wheels, but I was glad to meet my childhood friend Karthi on my way.  He used to come and talk to me anywhere he sees me but it’s been long back met him as well.

As I remember he’s my first friend and only through him I know others in my neighborhood and my best part of childhood days were also with him and his brother. Until 1998 before temporarily shifted to my grandmother’s house, as we reconstructed our own, I used to visit him as well as he and I also had a close friendship with his brother – which I don’t know how it broke – and his father also used to be friendly with us. Even though we were back within a year to our newly built home, my difficulty with life has brought a big void between our relationships in reaching or following back. Initially I thought some sales man was standing at the corner of the street, when I saw him that day but moving closer he came with a smile greeting me and also put me in wonder with great transformation in his look that almost resemble his brother.

After shifted here I feel nostalgic at every move out of the home. I remember that it was in front of this house I once fishing in the rainwater drain after some heavy showering. And those days it was the street that often used to be stagnant to rainwater where we come to play in water and I have drenched few times by slipping while playing in water. Ours was a continuous resident area and my native house being situated on the main lane/road; our playgrounds were the backstreets where the house of our friends located. There isn't a nook or corner left where my footsteps patched and I have walked these streets until my legs aches. And it was so good to be back, at least on wheels, to rediscover the area that I hold lot of memories. 

Deepavali, Celebrations and Sharing

(No more greetings pls! Diwali is over two days ago)

Deepavali! Spelling the word itself causes some magic and brings enthusiasm. While nearing the festival of lights comes an unexplainable joy and mind began to thinks how to celebrate it efficiently and make memorable. From the childhood days Deepavali has been my favourite festival or I can say season, as we pick up firecrackers less than a month ahead to the festival loosely from the local retail shops.  The best Deepavali celebration ever in my life was spent with my late uncle in 1998 and it was a period we were reconstructing our house and temporarily shifted to my grandmother’s place. The celebration was wholesome as we gathered as more than two families, everything was double! My uncle wasn’t an enthusiast of firecrackers, but understanding that we are he bought us enough and also joining in the fun warfare.

a firework display

My father used to bring crackers list from his office when he was in service, where they used to collect fund and make some present for Deepavali and also arrange for firecrackers according to the list we marked on. Unlike my late uncle, the young one was just like us and a decade elder than me has been a prior to us on buying and bursting crackers. He used to buy 10-20,000 walas and make electric throughout the street, however it cause an impression and impact about us it’s definitely a regardless  act to make nuisance by creating loud noises. Though things have changed quite later but the first and most fascinating thing that comes to mind (still) about Deepavali is firecrackers. Apart sweet and snacks, new dresses and special program on television, our main intention has been   bursting firecrackers.  I see the interesting of bursting firecrackers has come down and even I see changes within myself and I have almost lost interest on loud crackers, but the enthusiasm for firework remain. I keep looking out at sky for firework display from the day ahead and followed by Deepavalai, I make venture into the neighbourhood looking for Aerial Outs. 

Firecrackers aren’t part of our life and we aren't going to burst every day, and it’s indeed against nature and environment but I think they cause festival mood. It’s hard to image a Deepavali without noise though I stopped liking the loud crackers and even the firecracker I used to burst was only crackles or sparkles. This year the noise has come down so much in neighbourhood (for good) and I also began to hate loud crackers as it makes deafening, I haven’t been liked for noise even when I was able to fire crackers. During Deepavali season one could see me then with ears surrounded by black marks (gun powder) as I used to close my ears after igniting firecrackers to ignore sound, so was my favourite one always been the Red Bijli which make less noise among the firecrackers. Only last year I couldn’t celebrate Deepavali not only from firecracker and I also couldn’t go out looking for firework as I was put on cast for femur fracture. I know Deepavali is not only about firecrackers, but we have grown celebrating that way and coming out quite will take some time. As an initial step we can deny quite all noise creating crackers and look for light and colors... according to the meaning of festival of lights, let’s add only colors.

I think celebrating a festival couldn’t be anything if we aren’t able to share with others. I see no difference in people from their daily activity to festival day; they just want to be left alone whether watching television or staring Smartphone or computers. People lost interest not only celebrating festivals, but also from variously activities where there energy used to be high and emotionally supportive. I wonder where we are heading without facing each other and sharing the moment, I think even sitting quiet beside will do magic and make sense of sharing. I think the festivals and certain events are made for memorable to think back and cherish about the days being together and had fun. I know priorities change from time to time and it also depend on our need and desire but no where it said that past has to be forgotten or ignored because we have better things to practice. Workaholic and different lifestyle take people far way but things aren’t same in this advanced communication system, but the matter is we don’t have a mind or put thought to share. 

Surprise Smile

image courtesy: google

She smiled from her heart
I guess, as it wasn't planned;
a cutest encounter
while she left the house
in the morning rush hours.

Though she closed the doors,
eyes behold at the doorstep
whether she turns back
with another surprise smile,
a flash that conveys quite comfort.

They says, but not only that
a photo speaks thou words
a quiet smile expresses like feeling;
though she smiled casually
it made my day ahead cheerful.

That’s one wide smile; despite
enhancing her beautiful aspect
furthered our relationship
which has been lately conveyed
as brother and sister. 

Meet my grandfather!

My grandfather (maternal) visited me yesterday on the sideline of my late great grandmother’s annual ceremony. I haven’t seen him for a very long time, as he wasn’t well to move out of his house or climbing down from his upstairs home. I was truly surprised when my grandma brings him home along with her. Since he was suffering from certain health setbacks in recent past, I didn’t expect him to visit me and for me it is hardly possible to meet him at his home in first floor and coming across their congested street in wheelchair is something quite awkward to image. Since it is hard to take a car inside their street and also post fracture last year, I am going through difficult times transferring between car and wheelchair.

My grandfather and grandmother (shot at Kodaikanal in 2012)

I feel so happy meeting him and I really moved looking into his eyes that was yearning to see me… His affection and care for me is something very special and is always evident through his eyes. Though he won’t speak much and couldn’t make gestures easily, I understand him quite well and I can’t explain how much I love him and he means to me. He is our best well-wisher and what and where we are today is only because of his chief intention along with his son’s (my late uncle) hard work, and selfless being provided us so many advantages in life. Until he closed his teashop at early 20s, he has been a hard worker and active being.  For more than two decades he had been a cabs car and lorry driver, before started fulltime dairy business and opens the teashop.

My uncle’s demise in late 2001 had hit him immensely and shutting down the teashop, left him jobless at home resulted in greater drawback at health followed by a cardiac arrest due to clot in heart.  But in latter days he suffers from diabetic and nervous problem and the side effects of tablets forced him to quite depend on others. He could walk only at very slow pace and someone need to lift him from the chair to stand and being little obese it has been very difficult for my grandmother to take care of him. We ever expected him to become infirmity at this early age of 75, while older than him are progressing well. I am one of his main concerns to make him feel regret, and he had expressed his sorrow many time with granny for unable to help me in anyways.

In 2001 he used to drive me every day to a clinic in T.Nagar here, where I took Ayurveda treatment for nearly two months. Driving through the heavy morning traffic is a true venture in his way of driving, though he manages only because of the eagerness to see me as a normal being. While studying in school, he used to pick me in his bicycle if I received none.  Putting the bags on the handlebar, he pedals me to home placing me on the rear carrier, since my school was very close to their house. He had scolded me and also embraced at same, as he always had special attention towards me.

I think it is our turn to take care of him, not only because he had worn-out his life for our self but true love he has shown for others and as children/grandchildren it’s our duty to support not only physically but also make him feel happy and content. At my stand I am conscious not to disturb him anyways, but I feel sorry that indirectly I’m one of the main concerns on his drawback stream. Emotionally he has been disturbed by others, forgetting whatever he had done for them and just for the brief of ego and updating their fake statues - though they deserved to be so – makes him feel anguish. Until 2012 he had traveled with me for many places, as I love doing it so, I am helpless now leaving him at home as he finds it very difficult to travel and getting in and out of the car, and in case of urgency he prefers Auto (rickshaw) to pick and drop him at doorstep.  

Cloud (Blog) Nine

On the occasion of completing nine years in blogging, I am glad to announce that my blog was selected as one of the Directory of Best Indian Blogs 2013 - 2014. June 20 marks the birth anniversary of my blog, when I composed my first blog post in year 2005 and blogging became a track changing in my life that let me touched from every corners of this world.

I was nothing to do in this world, rather watching television and gaming in computer before started to blog; it was the habit of reading newspaper and magazine through which I was introduced to blogs. I had no idea about blogs initially, but I was looking forward to own a space on internet such as creating a website for myself and thus my (Jeevan’s) world exits. Today I have come across a long distance in blog and what it has taught me was lot and sharing is one significant reason that doesn't want me to leave this place.

Each passing year I am getting away from the wonder feeling of turning a year around and I don’t get into a mood of triumph something, for which I guess perhaps the way of looking at blogs has changed and sharing has become my main course which kept away my counting overall. Today many social networks has emerged but I still strongly believe in blogs and nothing gives me content like writing a blog and the worth of sharing it gives was not even the real life recognized.  Blog influenced a lot shaping my personality and changing my perspective and what I go through now is quite different from beginning.

Thank you all! J

My attachment to old

I believe in old is gold! There are certain things that we can’t stop appreciating, however old or ruin they are and unused for ages, remain nostalgic whenever thinking about. I have a mind that does not give away certain things easily esp. used for long term or still feel content with quality and usage rather being old.  During my childhood or young days, one could see me roaming on the streets with friends and go rounds often in our area… and while this course we used to find many interesting little things on road and my favorite place of picking things  was Kailankadai (old iron shop). I had my own table drawer then where I used save things I brought from the shop and streets. My mother used to scold me for bringing those useless things to home and often engaged in war with brother for stealing one or two things.

My tape-recorder when in use

I never listened to her and kept saving those things and since my uncle had workshop adjacent to our house, I used to pick things from there as well. I had a collection of small iron balls in various shapes exists from the bearings until my brother swallowed one of it accidently. I think I had few of them even after shifted house for first time and I am interested even now if I get chanced to pick things at Kailankadai.  I know there is no future for broken arrows but we can do many things using those pieces. What is useless to someone could be utilized to other. Let me come to the matter of old things, which I still hold without use. I know tape-recorders and cassettes has no more futures and almost settled as sediments underwater leaving way to light and transparent technologies let move into air. The CDs and players has also become old stock with blue-rays and “I” series looking out for more light waves to wash away.   My passion for old and useless things comes out objecting the idea of mom’s proposes to dispose our old tape-recorder and a box full of cassettes.

I don’t know why and I am not going to listen to them anyway, but there’s something rolls me with the reels here. Until I bought my first CD player in year 2002, the tape-recorder was my only source of music and it was a foreign set bought to me by my late uncle, replacing the Philips tape-recorder with single speaker. I want to hold it back not because it was bought by my favorite uncle and it remain as a remembrance of him but apart being so, there was something that wants to keep it around. This tape-recorder enhanced my way of listening music with enough bass and treble effect unlike plain mono-stereo. Even until I bought my home-theater, I was connected my CD and MP3 players to this tape-recorder speakers using AUX wire. I ever had trouble like using this set, which often get struck with reel and have to bear to electronic shop, where the electrician used to take more than a week and above to mend it after number of walks to his shop, just two houses away from us!

Music always been my source of inspiration and uplifts my spirit when I feel down and there is nothing excitement like listening to new song or tune for first time that too from our favorite directors or actors. Until few years back I used to buy original CDs and cassettes from the music store, because for me quality is much important when it comes to music and movies… I can’t withstand the noise and sound disturbance. I know the tape is taking place enclose, but I have no mind to give away and not only the player there are few more things I kept safe in bureau. 

Smile

Smiley ball from Jeevan

Smile is something everyone bears, which enhances our face more bright and beautiful. Smile is a foremost aspect, break the silence between strangers and a friendly conversation begins at the wake of smile.  Fake or real, no one could identify with smile so easily and if we began to research we will lose a precious aspect doubting each and every smile. But it’s obvious when someone smiles they embrace the environment. Smiles have a healing power, even on desperate I believe a smile could cheer up for a moment or while in longstanding distress.

Smile is a wonderful thing helps managing, when we doesn't have an answer to query or hide something that we don’t like showing off in face. I have been going though something close to the second one and smile is my only tool today, I try to sweep away the raw feeling of hurt and gushing emotions. Smile is something living without is difficult esp. to survive with utmost hardship, smile is a vital element.  I would like to see people smiling however despite life, because the bits and pieces of smile are hope for tomorrow. J

Turned 28

July 31^st I turned 28! Yes, it was my birthday and I wasn't feeling at all and thought to think about that day.  Though it usually used to be another day in my life, rather sometime celebrate it plainly cutting off a cake once cousins gather at home. Nowadays I don’t find any reason to celebrate birthday rather it just mark my date of birth, this special day doesn't make anything special or become a turning point in my life, instead, keep in touch with others via birthday wishes. As you all know, for less than a month now after dad fell off his bike, life has been tough and troublesome (even it is a part of our everyday life) it turns worse in latter days. Like a lady worrier, mom battles everyday stretching her to the edge of exhaust to preserve our life not get worse.

Though it may bore hearing on it again and again but the toughness continues to battle on us and passing each day has been an experience of age. Mind continues to concern on things how to reduce or prevent even a particle adding to the turban of the lady worrier. J I couldn't come out thinking about my birthday and usually I don’t give much important to my birthday and don’t care people remind it or not (but I thank those remember this day to call me). I too know when my dear ones birthday falls, but I used to forget quite until someone reminds me on that day. I too wish for those well being always and I don’t mind forgetting to wish them on their birthday. Dad’s health is responding well after continues on medicine and injections, and once the wound is healed he will be ready for tie up on his ankle crack.

The essence doesn’t lack a bit

Wow! I don’t know how to express my happiness and enthusiasm over meeting this very young man at the weekend, who is just 17 - read the age number in reverse. Hahaha… yes, of course 71! But unlike anyone in his age, he is energetic, cheerful and charming who I ever met someone like him until four years back which led to an unforgettable memory that always cherish in mind. I am so glad the moment come alive once again this weekend at home without a bit lack of essence.

Yes, I meet one of my dearest friend, the one and only Andrew. I don’t know people following this blog remind my post (here) about our first meeting at home that drives us to Marina. I’m so delight to say that no one would have led their life so happy and cheerful like him, dedicated to friends flourish with smile and make surrender anyone with his shooting phase using bazooka kind of camera lens. I was dragged toward him actually because of his marvelous photos… but once connected I more liked him for his attitude and spirit that would stimulate anyone surrounded him to content joy.

I would count the time spent with him (even it was less than 45 minutes) were the moment so refreshing, joyful and ever enchanting… forget almost anything bothered me and rejuvenated along with him upon his uplifted spirit. As soon he entered our house, the atmosphere - so dry and unchanged - took a roller costar ride of laughter and amusement and making it as favorable, I conjoined with him enjoying the moment while still not coming out of wonder how delightful he was taking chances to ease everyone.

We introduced through the Flickr and spoke over the phone few times before embraced alive, we continue being in touch with Facebook. His embrace was something healing, quite warmth and bears abundant nourishment for a healthy lifestyle. Even hours later he left, his fragrance of perfume and cheerfulness continue to occupy the ambiance of house, haunting irregularly. He also shared with me some of his fabulous photos he shot while his flight encircled Chennai before landing at airport.  

He had visited our house only once and I also haven’t conveyed the message of shifted home, but he confidently came over to give me surprise and called from a place close to ours for direction. Wow! I just don’t know what to say, I am so glad to have a friend truly devoted to friendship. I love you my friend… if you read it. Cheers :)

மன வலி / Mental Pain

"செல்லாக்காசை பிச்சை  போட்டு என்ன பயன்?"

ஒரு வரி 

என்  ஆயிரம் கேள்விகளின்  பிரதிபளி 

வெளியே சொல்ல முடியாத வலி.

தெளிந்த நீரோடை
ஓர் கல் விழுந்து கலங்கியது போல் 

என் கனவுகள் 

ஒரு சொல்லில் கலைந்தது.

கண்கள்
கண்ணீர் சிந்தி சிவந்தது
காவிரியை போல் 

தண்ணிர் இன்றி வரண்டது.

மழை, வெயில்
மகிழ்ச்சியோடு தொடர்புடையது  

அதிகபடியான எதுவும் வேதனையே
வலி, மனவலிமை பொருத்தது. 

Non-Tamil readers, check the translation below… but I inquire myself does it convey quite.

“What benefits a beggar
by dropping invalid cash? “
A phase
reflects thousand questions
of my unspoken pain.

Like how a clear stream
shaken to a fall of stone
my dreams
shattered by a single word.

The Eyes
turned red to spill of tears
without water
it drought like Cauvery (river).

Rain or sunshine
associated with pleasure;
excess of anything is pain
plainly depends on mental vigor. 

Simple joys

Life is filled with many simple joys to enjoy. There are events and special occasions to celebrate once in a while.  But the simple joys we experience every day in life are a constant pleasure that keep us going. We no need to spend much. They are shattered all over our life, from wake up to asleep and even watching moon at midnight is simple joy.  Waking up early and watching the sunrise (even it was occasionally like me who check while only began to travel at early morning) there is something magic in the moisture air and bearing tender sunbeam at dawn causes great energy throughout the day.

enjoying a pleasant moment amid swinging nature

If sunrise enriches energy, the sunset is quite pleasure and simple joy watching the different hues on sky. Sunrise and sunset are everyday task simply never get bored even they are similar with familiar sky. There is something that never lost zeal how much time drink as beverage. Sipping coffee is an energy booster always and there is something eternal in its flavor that desire to drink often. I am not addict to coffee and it isn't a matter if I haven’t drink coffee for days but the desire will always rest inside and never want to miss a chance of sipping.

Expose to cool breeze is sometime caress the innermost and inspire a lot. I really want to say wind is my inspiration and it bears immense joy carrying numerous fragrance and sound of birds. It changes from time to time and landscape to mountains, but I enjoy the simple cool breeze however it blows. Bird watching is another simple joy and yet filled with surprise each time reveal to a new species of bird in neighborhood and travel to Western Ghats inspired me a lot looking for birds.

Memories are a wonderful thing cherish forever, sitting solely on couch or swinging, we experience a joy, a world that could only be alive at past. I love afternoon silence and there couldn't be a best time recalling our sweet memories and it is a moment I feel quite inspired. Visiting beach is true joy, watching the restless waves kissing soft sand and essence of peanut or bajji flow in air against pretty women diverting the attention. Music is a consoling fact and listening to melody or a good peppy number is simply joy.

Looking at beautiful flowers and flow of stream, fragrance of earth and droplets of rain, gazing through windows and inhaling fresh air and tasting ice cream and warmth in cold are simple joys overlap by dreams. Imagination is a boon especially for those immobile we live a normal life and become super heroes in our dreams. We achieve many things from our comfort seat and if not dreams and imagination we miss a great joy.

I’m not interested watching cricket!

This is the statement many look with awe when I say, when they ask me for score for which my replay used to be, ‘I don’t know’! Born and brought up in a country where cricket is the most celebrated sports and holding innumerable cricket fans unlike nowhere in the world, I wonder why cricket doesn't fascinate me even at least. I have played cricket in my childhood days and I used to enjoy batting chances whenever I get, even I don’t withstood more than dozen balls in a match, I feel wonderful every time I gather strength to stroke a ball as much distance I can.  I think I may have lack of patient to go through the matches that run for whole day. Or thought of what I gain watching cricket. But I show interest playing cricket in android device though it last for only few minutes before I get bored.

I am zero when it comes to knowledge about cricket and I know only the names of renowned players and who the captain is. But being a son of ardent cricket fan, I stand far away from my father and used to argue a lot against cricket, and criticize simply for nothing serious. I know he truly enjoys watching cricket and his excitement towards the mishap in match would put anyone at amaze to turn back to check everything is right. Alike my father, my young martial uncle is also a cricket enthusiast and he used to skip anything to just watch cricket. And my grandfather also used to watch cricket, even he has difficult watching TV he hadn't lose interest. But I’m not the only one in my family who doesn't like watching cricket; my late elder uncle never shown interest on cricket and I think my brother as well not interested. 

I truly disappoint with the cricket that played today and I hate the IPL (Indian Premier League) especially. With the discovery of 20/20 cricket matches I think the sport spirit has come down and cricket has become just fun and frolic. I am not against people who love watching as well playing cricket and even I like cricket but not interested that much and crazy unlike make other. For me cricket is just a sport and I don’t like seeing it apart anything… and I think IPL is conducted with phase of money spinning and not encouraged talent in anyway.  There are number of sports to play and not many know Hockey is India’s national game and even known doesn't care about it unless Olympic arrive. The good thing I see about cricket is that unites the nation and there nothing wrong playing cricket. But being crazy is what I don’t like.

Depressed yet impressed

Image courtesy: flickr

வலியை தாங்கிடு மனிதா 

வாழ்கையில் இதுவும் ஒரு படி புரிதா?

கல்லும் மண்ணும் காலுக்கு புதிதல்ல
பாதையை நடந்து கடத்திடு மனிதா.

ரத்தம் உறைய உறைய குளிரும் 

அட்டை வலியில்லாமல்  உறியும் 

அச்சம்  என்றும் நிறைந்த உள்ளம் 

மௌன புன்னகைக்குள் மறையும்.

Bear the pain man
understand this is also a step in life?
Stones and sands aren't new to foot
man, walk past the path.

Cold freeze freezing blood
leech sucks without pain,
fear filled mind always
hide inside silent smile.

P.S.

These phrases come to mind by 3 am, while I deeply distressed. But I don’t want to reveal what caused me so depressed at that mid night time. I had touched emotional core many a time during night, only the darkness could witness the silent war. 

A Personal Note on Sex

I don’t mind if you read or not this post, but I just want to share (record) something about sex here. No, I hadn't had sex ever before and I have no idea of having it further in future but I do want to confess I too have sex feelings and perspective on sex in general. Sex is always showcased as bad reputation in society, forgetting that without sex we are no more here. Medication and technology perhaps make different in case of lack of ability or infertility. But sex is an inherent part of every life on earth and every species have sex to reproduce their generation.

Sex is also sharing of cells and building a human is an immense pleasure, as well pressure reproducing a child in progress of death or life struggle. There’s a great setback thought about sex in general and it is always seen as a taboo in society where there are none to reveal the secret of sex unless one grown on his own to understand the progress. But I don’t think it is an easy thing in the world and it remains as immense trouble esp. during the age of teen, when no one was suppose to guide on changes happening physical as well physiological. In the internet era, expose to sex is not a difficult thing whether we went on searching or rather it come and sit on the screen, produces a fake image and almost confuses with illusive fact and figures.

My first time encounter with sex site amazes me with shocking images and coming out of teen and lack of internet knowledge, I had trouble then how to keep away those things out of sight. Perhaps what others might think of me when come to notice these things haunted me intensely. I guess many internet users have gone thought such mindset esp. the initial stage internet users or teens. Of course it’s not easy to restrain the thought of sex once expose to sexual content on internet and the images watched use to keep haunting, but things where quite different now with somehow understand of sex… the net porn never seem to entice me unlike before.

But latterly I found interest on erotica, unlike porn which always end up messing with dirty images; erotica exhibits sex in an elegant way and make it feel graceful lead to ecstasy. I feel quite fascinating reading thought erotic stories and poem, but I never taken it into serious thoughts or impose in real life. I just look into the matter with conscious effect and fun attitude, but never disturbing others.

I personally feel sex isn't a matter of debate to be good or bad, right or wrong but consider by fact and knowledge we need to look whereas it is suitable or not. Sex is always depends on mind, situation, health and age as per law; love plays an inherent role in bringing lot of energy and enthusiasms to lead a peaceful relationship. When sex comes out of reliable love isn't trustworthy as hygiene is very important for safe sex, as well being conscious towards health is vital. Apart love, sex is seen plainly a physical touch, which I totally disbelief because without a intend thought and desire sex doesn't exist. 

Man behind this Blog - MD

If you are new to my blog or couldn't check my profile, I need to mention that I’m fighting with MD (Muscular Dystrophy), which is a genetic disorder of losing muscles strength and I move everywhere on my power wheelchair. There isn't any cure for it currently globally and perhaps the only way of approach to it was to exercise constantly to delay the course of loss of muscles strength. There’s also a disadvantage lies in this progress of exercise which should not last for long duration; if the exercise had been stressful or painful  will also witness in loss of muscles strength. Physiotherapy has become a part of my life from the early stage of development with MD; I was going through therapy off and on and perhaps stopped for a year or so meanwhile taking medicines on various mode of treatment.

 I was suppose to write on this only because, I want to say that I was taking physiotherapy for the last three year had been constant unlike ever before, and my therapist Rajesh is visiting me thrice a week on a content fee. I could recollect the day he first gave me exercise and it was extremely a painful moment since he hadn't handled a MD patient before and unfamiliar with my body. But things weren't same, as he kept visiting me frequently, he understood me physically and how much I could endure pain lead me quite comfort with exercise.

MD is a common word used to describe the disorder, and DMD (Duchene Muscular Dystrophy) is the general appearance in most of the patents, but there are several types of MD founded later years. Gladly I hadn't come under the general category (even I feel quite regret for those affected with DMD, whose life span is not more than 25 years) I enjoy the extremely rare exception with LGMD (Limb-Girdle MuscularDystrophy), is an autosomal class of MD which is similar but distinct from DMD and Becker. LGMD encompasses a large number of rare disorders with the term ‘Limb-Girdle’ is referred to the muscles on hips and shoulders which most severely affected in general.

I don’t want to go much in detail about the disorder, as well the distressed or frustrated moments that haunt me immensely then and now, but with better consciousness and knowledge about the disorder I come to show somewhat normal mindset in latter days. I don’t think much about the disorder, but anytime I feel hurt I dislike myself being born as burden or frustrated. But the regret feeling doesn’t used to live long or I change my thought by concentration on other things or drown into dreams. I need to say I haven’t seen a therapist being so kind like Rajesh and I never seen him in tense or harsh during exercise (it’s a different story at beginning while he wasn't well aware about the disorder) I doubt whether he knows at least how to act severely. Hehe… Hope he better stay that way for me to continue happily the exercise.  

I think it’s time to go to bed now… time 10.13 pm. Thanks for all your support and encouragement on behalf fight with my MD! :)

காதல் கடிதம் / Love Letter

translate of the letter in English :

After seeing you I have changed
or had you changed me?

Just been a wanderlust myself
you turned me as a tiger;
like how tiger pursues deer
you made me come around you.

Whether you love me or not
I come,
binding the eyes and closing the ears
in hope
that one day you will look at me
and accept my love.

                                        

                                     With affection

A year around Barath

My nephew Barath – cousin’s son, turns one today. And he’s such an adorable child I ever met in my life alive and he was four months old when I first saw him. He was a very happy child and laughing Buddha, anytime anyway and in-between cries he smiles like there isn't sorrow anymore and his crystal clear eyes beholds for transparent relationship at heart. He is gem at expression and his each gesture embarks upon unpaved terrain with no more violent imprints.

The kid has grown to stand on his foot now, never waits for someone to get things and his pursue has become challenge for the adults to follow him. He also shows interest on mechanical front these days to check anything suppose to be wheels and whatever troublesome he was troubleshoot his kind heart and innocent smiles. I don’t know what to write more about him and he’s a kind I could not find resemble and perhaps his present has been cheerful and get relief out of  inherent storm.

I wish him all the very best and good health – since he has a weak immune, often capture with illness – hope he drives away anything hold on his pursuit of happiness, and earns more strength and nutrition as well enough wealth and knowledge. Happy Birthday dear Barath: the following greeting cards were created by me and I am also going to present a video CD on him along with it, while there’s a birthday party at their home this evening. I’m not supposed to attend since they hold it on their terrace which is hardly possible for me, my parents will pass it.

Btw I was also caught between severe cough and cold for a week now and so was my absent here these days. I had visited doctor two times this week and feeling somehow better now to play with normal. I had constant cough and spending time on laptop was very low and overall the dry throat restricted me from reading. Hope to be back in normal few days. 

(click pictures for enlarge)

If you had time pls do check the video on my nephew (below)

Saturdays and the sound of squirrel

Until reading Keith’s post on ‘my favorite sound on earth’ I didn't had much thought about sounds that are my favorite. Just before started to write this post (on Saturday afternoon), I was hearing the shrill of squirrel somewhere from the nearby trees and this sound always set my mood somewhere into the past. I could recollect a couple of moments as series from past which has relationship between Saturday and squirrel. Both were a phases took place in my childhood and age less than 12.

My father, holding great devotion toward gods, usually takes us to the Pillaiyar Kovil and Anantha Padmanabha Swami Temple near Adyar junction in the neighborhood. And just about a km from home, he used to take us in his bike or sometime walkabout. It used to be our first outing on weekends being Saturday morning; the priests in the Pillaiyar temple were so familiar with us since father never misses visiting their temple then on Saturdays. (The stories where different after shifting home to another area (Thiruvanmyuir) seven years before)

Even he occasionally visits the Adyar Pillaiyar temple, he never miss going to temple on Saturdays still.  Thankfully there’s a Pillaiyar temple at our street end, so he doesn’t needed to traveling 4km to worship his favorite god always. Unlike the Adyar Pillaiyar temple that stood on the middle of the road by splitting a lane, and got disturbed by both sides of passing vehicles; the Padmanabha Swami Temple lies quiet few meters away from there.

I always enjoyed visiting Padmanabha Swami temple, since it has a spacious corridor and courtyard and very less people visited then, we take it as advantage to experience our liberty.  I really liked placing the lord’s headgear (which is a practice in all Perumal temples, to place or make touch our head with a silver headgear, similar to the one on god’s head); even they keep it only for a second, I look for one more time and I don’t know why but I liked it then. I also like having the holy water they drop on the extended palm which taste delicious.

In this temple the lord was seen on a lying position.  Behind the main shrine and on the corridor, there’s an Almond tree and it is where I used to hear the squirrel squeaking and they even run across the corridor leaving their calls behind. To my knowledge it is where I first saw squirrels, to be chased by me. Another place I used to hear the squirrel calling was where I studied tuition, a street away from us.  And she’s was an Anglo-Indian women who took tuition for me and another girl on her own interest and I need to acknowledge, only because of her my English improved much better.

I attended tuition for my fourth and fifth standards to her and she lived in the first floor of an apartment on a dead end street. Almost isolated from noise disturbance, she lived alone with a servant maid aid and occasionally her uncle or aunt visits her. Unlike the weekdays where I usually go to her house in evening, after coming from school, on Saturdays I visit her in morning the time close to our present at temple. Here I hear only the shrill of squirrels rather seeing them in action inside the temple premises. Every time I hear the sound of squirrel I couldn’t avoid touching those memories in mind. 

Solitude under moonlit night

Picture by Jeevan

There we’re sitting next together 

solely under the stunning moonlight;
admiring the silky shadow, ballet
on the surface of ocean ripples.

The cold sea breeze brushes us near
while the warmth inside embrace dear;
the moon chuckles looking at us giggle
to tickle and prattle in private privilege.

We have no idea what future beholds
even the presence of nature is unpredictable
but the moment being together, I feel
I could combat anything tries to battle us aside.

The shining florescent moon bakes
a silver sandwich, using the sky and sand
as two dark layers impound to nightfall veil
gives space for us unfolding our secret fondle.

We express desire along whisper of waves
while either of us inclines on one another
grasping the arms to crab tease or caress
in fondle beside cherish moonlit night.

Footnote:

The poem is an inspiration on the scene I captured (the photo above) at our nearby beach on Sunday. The evening was early to full moon night; I had a wonderful opportunity to capture the moon’s silver shadow falling on the sea and with the presence of a pair or couple, enhanced the scene into a perfect romantic evening. This is my second time to land upon a moonlit night where a couple come sat in front of the sea, where the silver shadow falls exactly or I come across the scene.

Afternoon

Pic by Jeevan (click to enlarge)

In the silence of afternoon

myna plays music
using its chirruping notes
perch to a gulmohar branch.

The early sea breeze
usually embraces in mid-summer
illuminates the memories
of sweet summer holidays.

The usually lazy afternoon
plays active role in mind
engage seek with memories
fishing the best out of memory.

The mild sunshine
coming out of cold winter
the year’s first raindrop
touched the ground a day ago.

Sipping away a tea
at the end of afternoon
cherishes the mind ever so
to fly like squeaking parakeets.