Fighting with Anxiety

Anxiety and panic attacks have been bothering me for a while now, and I'm finding it difficult to ignore the unwanted thoughts and concentrate on my regular work. I couldn't pinpoint the source of my anxiety because it was a thought or distraction related to my overall existence. I remember how clear my mind was a few weeks ago and how being alone and doing nothing didn't bother me, unlike now, when I wanted to be around someone or watch something active, like street activities or television, to distract myself from distracting thoughts. 

I almost believe it was because I slept less or frequently awoke at night. Until a few days ago, I felt sheepish as I approached midday, and a cup of coffee or tea would perk me up. Yes, I believe it's the reason—my sleepiness was disturbed—that drew me to drowsiness during the day, which may have paved the way for abnormal thoughts, distraction, and anxiety. 

I realized how I was losing sleep, and it was my attendant, who showed up early in the morning to assist my parents in putting me in the bath that was disrupting my sleep. My attendant works in an ortho clinic and has to be there by 9 a.m., so he has to put me to bathe before that, and my usual time of waking up is never less than 8 a.m., and mostly I get deep sleep nearly close to waking up; I have to force myself awake so that he is on time for his primary job. In this condition, I made a night trip while returning from Kodaikanal on February 1. It was a nightmare that took me a few days to become stable. Perhaps this was the source of my confusion.

I checked with the doctor, and he prescribed me a tablet to take at night for sleeping and relaxation (explored on google to know its purpose) for 30 days, but I haven't taken it yet because I'm feeling better now, but I decided to take it if I feel need it. I'm confident I will come out of this dilemma with much-needed sleep (to get clear without taking medicine) and concentrate on my regular activities. Let's see 

NH 45

NH 45 is a famous National Highway in Tamil Nadu that begins in Chennai and ends at Kumuli in Kerala. It is also called the GST (Grand Southern Trunk) Road or the Chennai-Trichy Highway, a vital road to connect the southern districts of Tamil Nadu and a highway that I have traveled a lot.

(Batlagundu bypass)

Since we travel to Kodaikanal frequently, NH 45 is the shortest and easiest route for us to take. It is a single-long stretch of road from Chennai and up to Batlagundu or Sempatty, where we turn left to drive up the mountains. This road has become familiar to us, and we also got bored seeing the same landscape, locations, and bare highway. However, NH 45 has the smoothest road compared to the Chennai-Bangalore highway, and the double lane from Dindigul to Kumuli is also fantastic.

(A scenic drive toward Cumbum valley, and this is one of my favorite spots)

Actually, Dindigul to Kumuli is my favorite route, and I enjoy traveling on it for scenic views at any time because the road travels along the western ghats and fertile lands and becomes generous as we enter the Cumbum valley with its three sides of mountains. During our nighttime travels on this road, we could see the lights of Kodaikanal blinking like a bunch of stars dumped in one place.

(Chennai-Trichy highway, during a winter foggy morning.)

I saw NH 45 signs on the same road, but Google Maps assigns different numbers to this road at various points. When I search Google Maps for NH 45 Tamil Nadu, it only shows a short stretch of road across Dindigul town and another across Madhya Pradesh state. And NH 44 denotes the road from Kanyakumari to Agra, which was earlier designated as NH 7. On Google Maps, there is a lot of variation and confusion with highway numbers that refer to early numbers. 

Whatever the number, this NH 45 is unavoidable and easier to access in the southern districts of Tamil Nadu. 

Nephews Time

It's been ten days since my nephew Kavin went to his maternal grandparents' home; life seems void, and I feel like I'm missing him, which I haven't shown anybody. I know he needs this break, and we can't always hold him because his maternal side has the right to spend time with him, and he hasn't visited them in two months. 

Even though he causes trouble and is sometimes stubborn, his sweetness, tenderness, and care move me to my core in ways I haven't felt before. He was on video call last night and started crying when he saw my mom and a worried expression on my and my father's faces. He's so attached to my mother that he could spend an entire day with her without his parents, which is difficult for her now, no matter how much she relaxes these days. 

Kavin has the ability to enchant anyone with his intellect, and these days we miss the booster for life in his absence. I'm glad he got to play with other little kids (from Kavin's maternal aunt) at his grandparents' house because he has to play alone here or with adults like us who can't meet their needs unless my other nephew Jeswanth arrives. However, putting the two nephews together causes a commotion because they both want to do the same things. 

There's nothing as challenging as watching these kids play together without pulling or pushing each other and playing tug of war for the same thing because we could not scold one while leaving the other, which may cause embarrassment within the relationship between adults. Even though we know it's a random thing that happens when two kids meet, I want their relationship to remain one of the friends despite their disparate attitudes.   

These are casual images taken last month when the kids spent time together, and Kavin, who is easily prone to cold, was packed in a woolen monkey cap to keep the winter cold at bay, and he wore the same one on the trip to Kodaikanal last month. 

My contribution to Skywatch Friday: A beautiful sky from Kodaikanal

Changes I noticed in Kodaikanal

In the last three and a half years since my visit to Kodaikanal, things weren't that different, but there were changes that I couldn't say were for the better or worse. While staying at my uncle's woodhouse, I went around Kodaikanal for a day and showed various sites to my sister-in-law, who was only visiting for the second time; she couldn't recall all the places and thus enjoyed visiting. I looked around and saw no significant changes, but the increase in roadside shops and new development disappoints me because it either limits the views or destroys a spot of greenery. 

Uncle's woodhouse premises also lacks showiness or appear faded because of continuous exposure to sunshine and rain, but it does not bring down the charm due to proper maintenance. I haven't been there in three and a half years; expecting the same is impossible. The surrounding area had been purged of trees, providing some beautiful views. 

As expected, the weather was damn cold, and we somehow managed with room heaters at night; the days were pleasant with sunlight. Usually, we visit Kodaikanal from March to July, but this is the first time to a hill station in the winter season, and it didn't allow me to enjoy it very much. Because of the freezing temperatures at night, the grasses on the roadside appear withered and brownish rather than green. Birds' tweets were also less audible; perhaps the migration has not yet occurred.

People come to Kodaikanal for its pleasant cool weather, beautiful views of nature, and refreshment and relaxation, but what one can see these days are the shops; not one or two, but rows of shops from one end to the other of the tourist spots with just a little entrance.

(A bend was full of shops that have a valley view once.)

Pillar Rock, for example, is a natural marvel of rock formation rising above the valley like three pillars that could be enjoyed from the road and a traveling car. But now rows of shops had blocked the view, and as if that weren't enough, the forest department had constructed a wall to create a selfie point with an artificial artwork background. However, due to strong public opposition, they demolished the wall; nevertheless, when I arrived, I noticed that the wall had not been completely destroyed and still blocked the view. Since it is under the jurisdiction of the forest department, they aim to gain money by obstructing, and thus tourists would buy tickets to see the rock by passing through the narrow gate between the walls and shops. 

(The Pillar Rock before the commercial shops interrupting the view from 2009.)

Nature has gifted us with these marvels and beauties to admire, and no one has the right to obstruct the views; as a tourist destination, commercial activities are hard to prevent, but regulating them in a way that does not interfere with the sights may be sufficient.

The neighborhood of my uncle's cottage had witnessed some changes: two houses next to the cottage had turned into concrete homes, and a new little grocery and chicken stalls had appeared less than 100 feet from the premises, making it easier for the staff of the cottage to cook and serve the guests.  A new innovative dining space has been created beneath the woodhouse for the convenience of the visitors, along with a new campfire pit was among the modifications I observed on the trip after a long time. 

(The beautiful, clean, and most popular Kodaikanal Lake)

In Kodaikanal, I see the municipality raising the lake's bank by increasing the height of the platforms laid around the lake road to prevent the Kodaikanal lake from overflowing in some locations. Like the harvesting machine, the municipality also uses a device to clean the weeds from the lake, and it moves in the water like a harvesting machine on land, and I should say the lake looks better now. 

The lake cleaning machine, a screenshot from youtube

RGB Monday

A colorful part of the residential colony of Kodaikanal. 

Kodaikanal is a 175 years old town established by the British as a refuge from the plains' high temperature and tropical diseases. Kodaikanal is located above 2000 meters of sea level.

Sacred Heart Church, Kodaikanal.  It is one of the larger and oldest churches in Kodaikanal,  built 100-plus years ago and was renovated lately. 

A long trip after a long time! To Kodaikanal

After nearly three and a half years of "gap," or my first long vacation post-COVID, happened suddenly last week. We went to our customary destination, which, if you have guessed, is none other than Kodaikanal. We stayed at our uncle's woodhouse, Smokey Haven, in half of the hills of Kodaikanal named Thandikudi.

My brother had a few days off and wanted to go on a trip. I was not in the mood to travel and had no intentions of traveling during this bitterly cold winter in the highlands. He convinced or was coerced into convicting us of causing ourselves damage with cold. In real life, we suffered, but we managed to breathe through sunny, cold, rainy, and foggy days.

We left home at 7.30 a.m. and arrived at our destination only at 9 p.m., covering a distance of approximately 500 kilometers. It was January 26, Republic Day in India, with only one day off for the weekend; many seemed to take a day off to extend the holiday, hit the road either for tourism or a hometown drive, which contributed to delaying our trip, aside from a few stops to rest for the brother who drove the entire trip. 

The restaurant where we bought lunch

We usually have lunch in Trichy or would have crossed the same by the time, but this time we had our evening tea in Trichy and bought dinner in Dindugul to eat at the woodhouse because it would be demanding to make our own, and there cook was also out of town. It was quite dark when we started climbing the hills, and we are left blind if there is no car light and the guiding angel, the moon. 

Driving on a highway with a twilight sky

Thandikudi (the location of the uncle's wood house) has a separate route from going to Bathalagundu and following the main road to Kodaikanal; it has the slightest traffic. I usually have my mobile in hand when riding on this road to take photos, but this time I couldn't take shots beyond the scene above. The one below is a sunny day photo from the next morning with a refreshing sight of orange vines across the gateway of the woodhouse.

Linking this post with Skywatch Friday

Signs2: Message

 Save trees to save ourselves! 

On the road to Kodaikanal, the forest department painted a mural promoting environmental awareness. 

A sign of peace 

One morning in Uncle's woodhouse

Several unidentified birds chirp, 

Woke me up earlier than usual. 

The natural alarm of the woods pleased the ears.

I was still drowsy and perplexed by my state of existence. 

Is it that I awoke or that I am still dreaming?

The dark shadow of night removed 

As the early light enters the room,

As beams that support a structure 

It glows as it reflects off the pine woodhouse. 

I couldn't sleep any longer when nature called. 

Because we are not bestowed on a daily basis

With beautiful tones of birds tweeting. 

Excitement pulls me out of bed.

The night cold had left me with a parched throat 

To talk in a hushed tone 

I opened the backdoor.

The song of birds fills the backyard with joy.

It gives the eyes work to spot 

Birds playing hide and seek in the wild undergrowth. 

It was a busy morning with birds. 

Before they take off on their daily foraging, 

I would try my best to capture them 

Before I have my part of breakfast. 

P.s. It's been three years since I visited my uncle's woodhouse in the Kodaikanal half-mountains, surrounded by coffee, pepper, and orange plantations. According to Facebook memories, I left for Kodaikanal today in 2019 and couldn't stop thinking about my past visits. The poem was inspired by waking up one morning to birds singing.

Signs2: Hilltop

When we first traveled to Kodaikanal in 1999, we had our dinner at this restaurant after arriving at and checking into a guesthouse managed by a friend. It was around 10 p.m., unlike today when practically every restaurant was closed, and only Hilltop was open. I recall what we had; it was chappati and green pea masala at its spicier peak, and I was hissing after two mouthfuls. The cold temperature contributed to the increase in alkali.  

The hilltop seems to be the only cozy restaurant then.

The Kodaikanal I saw then was far different now; there was no traffic, even though it was the end of summer vacation; the air was pristinely pure, and all of the views weren't blocked by the shops that line all of the tourist attractions, and visiting any viewpoint required walking between the gaps of shops. 

My physiotherapist, as well as the renter at my grandfather's house, guided us on the trip, and his assistance was invaluable since he carried me at several locations on his back when I sprained my ankle. I feel grateful when I think of them. And I'm still in contact with him, and none of our phone talks have ended without us discussing the trip. 

Summer Special

 (I wrote this poem on May 10) 

Overnight, the weather turned cooler 

Shawarma exhausted news channels

Refreshed through the shower-ma

Because of the bypass of Cyclone Asani

Chennaiities experience the weather in Kodai 

In the season of Kodai (summer), 

The moister wind blows to cool everything down.

The wind chimes ring cheerfully 

As the chilly air enters via the window, 

Excitement mounts in the body 

Meet the cheerful memories at the summit 

As is typical during the summer 

The summer rain churns it into something even more special.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

P.s. If you are unaware, "Kodai" is a word that refers to summer in Tamil, and the same word is also the abbreviation of Kodaikanal, a hill station in South India. 

If you're from India, you might know my reference to Shawarma. The issue refers to the same following the death of a student in Kerala after she ate Shawarma, a renowned Levantine cuisine consisting of meat chopped into thin slices, stacked in a cone-like structure, and roasted on a slowly revolving vertical rotisserie or spit.  All shawarma restaurants are now subjected to rigorous testing by the health authorities to ensure that the food preparation is hygienic. Some southern districts have prohibited selling Shawarma. 

Signs2: Kodaikanal

It's been three years since I visited one of my favorite places, the Princess of Hill Stations, Kodaikanal. COVID has prevented me from meeting my lovely princess. Even if I get a chance, which may be brighter immediately, my traveling wheelchair isn't helping me because it wasn't used regularly, and the joystick becomes more difficult to maneuver. 

Signboard of my uncle's wood house in Kodaikanal

My aunt has been calling me to come to stay at their woodhouse in Thandikudi, on the Kodaikanal half-mountain, where they are currently camping with my grandma. I couldn't accept their invitation as I am not yet ready to travel. Apart from the wheelchair, I don't have anyone to assist because both my brother and the cousin who often takes me out are busy with their jobs, so either one of them has to accommodate me or I need to look out for someone who could assist me on travel.

Before I go further off track, I come to the sign I posted above. There is a welcome sign to Kodaikanal by the highways department at the entrance of the town or before passing the tollgate.  If you've noticed, there's a small typo on the signboard: "Deportment" instead of "Department."

The word "deportment" refers to behavior, whereas "department" refers to an organization or division of government agencies. 

I wish the days weren't so far away from where I could take distance travel. Even though I only visited Yelagiri in February, and on that trip too, I couldn't experience any places owing to a faulty joystick. I may be able to travel in less than three months because I have ordered a new wheelchair, which may take a month to build as it was to be customized to my comfort and needs. 

I take this chance to organize a wheelchair to be driven into the car through the back door and parked in the empty passenger seat. Because the vertical height of our SUV and its entryway is insufficient for a regular wheelchair to enter or exit,  I've requested a wheelchair with a seat that can be raised down and up, so this facility will save me from having to modify the car. 

Albatross Elaichi Luxury Suite, Yelagiri

Trip to Yelagiri, Day 1 Arrival, follows:

Although the check-in time was noon, we arrived at the Albatross Elaichi Luxury Suite in  Yelagiri at about 4 p.m. We ordered tea as soon as we arrived, and it was a welcome break from the journey and a way to digest the late meal we had eaten before climbing the hill. 

I love their trendy villa sign.

The Albatross is a beautiful and comfortable place to stay in Yelagiri. They offer luxury villa suites at a reasonable price! There are many accommodation options available at Yelagiri, and our preference was an individual cottage away from the center of tourist attractions as we wanted a calm stay. 

There were fewer cottages in Yelagiri that met our expectations (accessible in a wheelchair and elevated no more than a step or two) at a reasonable price. While there are resorts and hotels with easy access, our budget and expectations differ, so we choose the one that makes us feel the most at ease. 

From the front gate, a GoPro shot of the villa in super-wide mode. 

We saw the Albatross villa suites first on Airbnb and subsequently obtained their phone number from their website. The owner was kind enough to respond to our inquiries and send us images of the property, which we promptly reserved. The property has a modest lawn in front and backyard but is beautifully maintained; each suite has a flower bed outside, and I loved the hibiscus and roses that bloomed to add charm to the villa. 

The beautiful front yard and driveway, as well as me. 

I liked everything about this place that looks simple, clean, and welcoming. 

Each suite has a living room and a bedroom with an attached bathroom; both the rooms have a queen-size bed, plus a television, couch, and dining table in the hall. They also offer free wifi, which we didn't bother to check as we use our mobile data, and a/c in the bedroom. 

Bright winter sunset at Yelagiri

Being a late winter season, the weather in Yelagiri became cold after sunset, just as the day had begun for us in Chennai with fog. I can feel the cold, which is half the temperature of Kodaikanal or similar to Thandikudi, where we visit (and stay at my uncle's woodhouse) regularly until 2019. 

We had no plans for that day because I wasn't sure about other places (accessible by wheelchair) besides the lake and nature park that I had seen on my previous visit. I wasn't interested in seeing those places again, and I had no plans for the trip other than to see what unfolded along the way. 

Another specialty of staying at the villa is the delicious food cooked and served by their chef, Manikandan. They gave us complimentary breakfast for the two days we stayed there, and for the first-day dinner, we ordered dosa and uthappam. As a side dish, he gave chutney sambar and chicken gravy. Though it was very spicy, it treated the taste buds. 

Night, we slept in the living room bed while my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew slept in the bedroom. Although the night was quiet, we got to listen to various bird sounds at dawn and dusk because the property is just across from Yelagiri Bird Park. I couldn't get to the bird park even if I stayed directly across the street since the surface was not suitable for wheelchair access. 

Albatross is an excellent place to stay, especially for families. They don't allow bachelors, and you can't drink or smoke, so I recommend it. The rooms are simply decorated with wall stickers and painted frames to cheer us up during our stay. The gated villa offers car parking on the premises, and it feels secure with CCTV. The staff who are staying next door are on-call round the clock. 

Sheep Farm and The Sheep

Kodaikanal upland villages bore a lot of grasslands and sholas around them, providing a great feeding ground for cattle. So, sheep rearing is a natural habit; and to enhance the custom, the Central Government has established a sheep farm in a village called Mannavanur to produce wool from the sheep. 

Recently, I watched a video on youtube on the real purpose of the wool produced here: Sheep farm set up after India's defeat in the war with China in 1962. The main reason for the loss in the war was the cold that prevailed at the India-China border. Indian soldiers couldn't bear the cold because of the lack of woolen cloths available at that time, and keeping that in mind, the government brought the sheep farm on the 1340 acres of rolling grasslands at an altitude of 2000 meters MSL.

I visited a part of the grasslands during one of my trips to Kodaikanal in 2009 - that time, I came close with a herd of sheep from the farm. A little boy was driving those sheep, and they were simultaneously grazing the ground (heads-down like new brides) and kept moving that way. 

I captured the sheep (in the picture above) in 2019 on the roadside near Poombarai. One of the scenic villages of Kodaikanal, on the way to Mannavanur. A rope and bell tied to the neck of the sheep show it belongs to a villager, and the sheep was munching on cabbage leaves from a sack left beside. 

The sheep was cute and dirt as well and smelled not good. Its fur was a tangle, perhaps because of that, because it smelled, or due to the munching of cabbage. Anyway, it cooperated with shots. 

The sheep in the farm produce wool once a year, and every year in March,  the sheep goes through fur removal after growing enough of the same. After removing, the fur transports as a raw material to a place (I forget) where the fur collected from elsewhere goes into the process of making woolen blankets for soldiers defending the country against cold. 

The view of the sheep farm and sheep enclosures

Each sheep produces 1 to 3 kg of fur each year, but in the process, they are halved. The Sheep farm (Southern Regional Research Centre)  in Mannavanur is a regional center of the Central Sheep & Wool Research Institute, a premier Institution of the Indian Council of Agricultural Research, New Delhi. (source wiki)

Crested Serpent Eagle

The first bird I shot from my first time stay at my uncle's woodhouse in Thandikudi, near Kodaikanal, was the Crested serpent eagle. The bird of prey came very close, perching a tree in the backyard of the woodhouse, and I shot the bird from the balcony that overlooks the coffee plantation and wild vegetation. 

I already stayed at Thandikudi twice then and have seen the serpent eagle in one of my trips, but that was the first time I encountered at the close, and the bird was looking for prey - perhaps a little bird that was flying around. The bird flew later with a great swish-swash of its widespread wings. 

My uncle constructed the woodhouse and cottage in late 2015 in the coffee estate he bought lately then, and we have been visiting the property (Smokey Haven) since 2016 until pandemic blocked any course of travel. Glad I hold many photos from the trips to the property to unfold any time to travel back in memories and thus a moment shared with an eagle.

The Crested serpent eagle is a medium-sized bird of prey found in forested habitats across tropical Asia. Like its broad wings (with which it flies over the forest canopy), the bird's range is widespread across Asia, with variations within itself; some treat several of its subspecies as separate species. The bird with long feathers on the back of the head (apart from having a look of a large head) give them a maned and crested appearance, and hence feeding on snakes often, gave them their name and are placed along with the snake eagles in the subfamily Circaetinae. (source wiki)

Excavator

Something I never miss to check - the construction of an excavator on top of a building - when nearing Trichy on the national highway with Chennai. In the beginning, perhaps in 2006, when I first saw the excavator, I wondered how they lift that heavy machine to the top of the building without realizing that it was a concrete structure. 

The excavator is built west facing and comes on the highway's right side when driving from Chennai and a few hundred meters from Trichy SRM Medical College. I learned that the excavator (structure) and the entire building belong to the MIHM Heavy machinery driving school. A place that seemed to train people in handling heavy machines.

The images here were shot in 2016 when returning from Kodaikanal via Trichy.

RGB Monday

Colorful bicycles for the ride...

There's nothing like riding a bicycle, the best part of the activity around the beautiful lake of Kodaikanal. Though I never enjoyed such a moment, I sensed it from my many visits. Regardless of age, everyone enjoys their ride.

Furthermore, in this regard, check my former post on Kodaikanal lake and travel.

Kodaikanal Lake and Travel

Kodaikanal has been one of my favorite places ever since I visited in 1999. I had no idea how the place would look like other than learning it was a hill station like Ooty, the only other place I have visited then - two years earlier before visiting Kodaikanal. Since 2012 I have been visiting the Princess of Hill station yearly except in 2014, and my last trip was in 2019 so, it's obvious I haven't been there in the last two years.

Kodaikanal lake on a cold evening.

I really miss the place. Thanks to covid 19. Either we go to other places or not, we don't miss going to Kodaikanal, especially after my uncle established his Woodhouse and cottages in the lower hills of Kodaikanal. And needless to say, Kodaikanal has become like a second home for us, since next to our home, the longer we stay outside was only at Kodaikanal. The weather there has become familiar or adapted to us to visit any time of the year except the monsoon time where we could not explore any places due to rain and cold. 

A beautiful private boathouse along the Kodaikanal Lake.

A couple enjoying their boat ride in the lake. Glad motorboats are not allowed in the lake to keep it clean.

I have driven to many parts of the Kodaikanal, but yet there are many places to explore, and some are road-less traveled. I'm so curious to visit Kodaikanal, and other places too, and some never traveled before, when the situation becomes favorable. But the thought of Kodaikanal and travel, in general, keeps haunting me and inspires me to write more about them.

The road that goes around the Kodaikanal Lake for about 6kms

Cycling is one of the favorite activities for anyone who visits the Kodai lake, and you see some guys enjoying their ride around the lake. This is a candid shot I captured from inside the car.

There wasn't a trip to Kodaikanal complete without coming around the Kodaikanal Lake - the most favorite place in Kodaikanal. Taking a drive around the lake is a favorite pastime for me whenever I visit   Kodaikanal, and I also love spending time on the lake sipping on hot tea. The star-shaped lake is one of a beautiful artificial lake converted from a natural marshland, and it still retains its original despite the lack of cleanliness. Hope you like the lake photos I posted here.

Lake in thick mist and rain during a monsoon day in July

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