I’m silent because
Not that I
don’t know to speak
I’m silent
because
I only
don’t want to talk.
I’m quiet
because
Not that I
don’t have a voice
I’m quiet
because
It's a
waste to argue with prejudice.
I'm silent
because
Not that
I'm motionless
I'm silent
because
Emotionally
stuck inside.
I'm serene
because
Not that I
live in peace
I'm serene
because
My nature
is to be the same.
I'm silent
because
Not that I
know nothing
I'm silent
because
I seek life
from the ground.
What we mostly expect was someone's.
Why do we
need to be that guy or girl?
Why should
I have the same as someone?
I don’t
want to be the one in a thousand.
I want to
be what I am despite your terms and conditions.
I need my
space despite your concern and care.
My right to
be rational shouldn’t be discriminated against or denied just because you are
devoted.
Life is
beautiful if you decided to make it one.
Everyone
has a troubled life but allowing the emotion to control could derail
completely.
Just
because someone hurt you doesn't mean everyone you meet is to hurt you.
The same
with whom deceive you.
Negativity
isn't bad always, just how negative in covid sent relief.
Let the
negative ions work against the chance to become covid positive.
Take care, Thank you
I was amused to think that his mother is one of
the cousins who I remember carried in my hand, and now I bear another coming
out of her. The little boy just started to look at us, and staring into his
eyes is magical and mystical as we never know what goes into his mind or is he
really staring at us. He's precious and mind-blowing to keep away anything that
bothers us in his presence and enclosed by his tiny fingers for grasp feels
awesome.
I'm just looking out for words to define his
presence. I'm glad we live next door, so it was easy to watch him and bring him
home to play. She's my father's brother's daughter, and being her first
delivery, she was looked after by us according to the custom; she will be
staying with us for about five months. It excites me as I could see him growing
sometimes. The last time I came close with a kid was my other nephew, Barath,
who doesn't even care to meet me later, but my love for him will remain the
same. Then came my former neighbor's kid Achu, who visit us daily since we
lived in the same compound before they went on transfer.
 |
| The little boy sleeping on dad's lap |
Though we are not much acquainted
with the paternal cousin of my mom, she got a lot of memories with him as she
used to spend her vacations at grandpa's village playing with her cousins. I
have stayed in their village during our vacation too, but I never remember
seeing him there; perhaps he was out of the village on a job, our first intro
was at his marriage. He was a flooring contractor in Mysore. More than 100
employees are working under him, and a lot had benefited from him. The
youngsters from his village and family circle hired by him acquired flooring
and become contractors themselves later.
I have been to Mysore twice, and
both the time we stayed at his home and looked around the places. The first
visit was after his marriage (1997), and the next was 10 years later, by then
when he had three little kids. Only 2 weeks back, his elder daughter's
engagement took place, and only my mom and brother attended the function
following the preventive action. He has just built a big house in his village,
and since the outbreak, he stays in the village with his family and makes monthly
a visit or two to Mysore.
During one such visit after her
daughter's engagement, he got the infection and spread it to his family. Many
others who returned to the village from Mysore also had the infection, and they
spread it for their share. He was on the ventilator for the last 3 days before
he breathed last.
He's a respectful person, and
during our visit to his house in Mysore, he treated us with such delight and
made sure we are comfortable. His son just admission to medicine, and another
daughter at college should be missing his father's support, and his family was
dependent on him. Even though there won't be a problem with wealth, but still,
the void left by him irreplaceable.
Almost it was the same with my
other uncle, the maternal cousin of my mom, though he isn't a big businessman
or someone possession enough to leave their family to feel secure. His death
was something that really shattered us, and we never thought he would die as he
responded so well for the treatment of more than 10 days in the hospital with
the aid of oxygen. And he passed away within a few days of discharge and while
eating his breakfast at home.
He's not only mom's maternal
cousin; he's my dad's cousin sister's son. So, he's related more than a way to
us, and how could we not say his death is a tragedy when there's a series of
death in his family. In 2019 his father passed away, and the following year he
missed his mother, and in Dec 2020, his brother-in-law died prematurely, which
has quite shaken their lives.
He's the one who motivated me to
use a computer since he owned a DTP shop, and after I dropped out of school, I
started learning computer, and it was through him I bought my first computer in
late 2000. Because of the job of long seated, he got a serious back problem and
was forced to change his work pattern. He shifted to various jobs, but he
couldn't sustain a permanent job or income. He has two sons - one is doing
engineering 2nd year and another studying in high school - and the elder boy is
a smart and humble being.
I really need to say, his wife,
who is also my cousin, is down to earth. And I have never seen someone as
patient as her. She has gone through a lot of trouble due to the contradiction
with her mother-in-law, but all the time, she was the one to step down, and she
never complained about it. The way she
brought up defines her character, and I've seen her from my childhood, and she
hadn't changed till now. There won’t be anyone who dislikes her, and what she
exercises is all pure love and care.
It was not less than 6 months
since she lost her beloved brother, who had been a great support to her
financially and emotionally, and I couldn't imagine what kind of mindset she
should be now. I could only feel disaster. I truly wish for the welfare of
these families, and losing the family heads needn't a definition, and it's
definitely a thorn trek for these families to reach the various summit. I hope
they are motivated in some way to look forward to driving. Peace
I don’t think I need to define
the situation in India as the world watches us; uncertainty continues as we are
into the 6th day of the whole lockdown in our state Tamil Nadu. Keep us in your
thoughts, please.
He's one of the oldest residents
in our area and a neighbor of over 40 years.
He's self-restrained, which he seems to be maintained from his service
as a wing commander in the Indian air force, continued this attitude throughout
his life! During his early retirement period, he had been quite active, and he
does all the garden work himself; and a member of a tennis club, he plays it
every day, and drove his fiat 1100/103 until he was able to drive.
They had a long driveway, and it
was fun then to see him reverse the car carefully, and what interested me was
the way the car’s door opens and closes. Unlike the regular car front doors, the
doors of fiat 103 were hinged to the center pillar, which is called suicide
door – a slang term for an automobile door hinged at its rear rather than the
front – perceived as being less safe.
I never remember seeing him
speaking or smiling to anybody outside his home or family. He always stays
inside the home, except working in the garden and going to a club to play
tennis when he was active. What I'm saying was about 15 years ago, before we
shifted home to another area. But what I hear from my uncle is that the senior
citizen used to comes to the yard every early morning and then bow to the sun with
few minutes of prayer and get back into the home immediately.
But I always wonder how he able
to stay inside the home all day. We shifted back to the same house in 2018, but
I'm not a morning person, so the time I come out, he would have gone to a day
nap. The last time I saw him was after the rework of the garden when his
daughter-in-law walked him up to the gate, along the driveway, to let him see
his garden back in its elegant shape and glowing in the newly installed lights.
He also insisted his
granddaughter drive a car and play tennis, which I heard that she still plays
tennis and keeps fit like her grandfather even after moved to the US years ago.
One day, I found it saw true when she was visiting her home two years back, she
was returning from somewhere, perhaps from a tennis court, as she carried a
racket in hand, and the way she paces in was obvious how the fit was she to fit
into a teen outfit.
She's a mother of two kids, and
she was back from the US two weeks before to visit her ill grandfather and
returned only last week, and he's no more within days of her departure. The
older man got married when her wife was 13 years old, and they moved to the
opposite house purchased by him using his retirement sum, which was told to my
aunt by his wife, who is age 84-85.
The family was relocated from
Palakkad, in Kerala, and perhaps because of this, they had no relatives here to
attend the funeral. Even their friends don't seem too close, or they haven't
attached to anybody – like how they isolated from the neighbors – or because of
the pandemic, they stood away, and the funeral took place with only a few
people that includes my uncle and cousin, who helped them to lift the body into
the hearse.
I think the funeral was handed
over to an agency, and they haven’t conducted many rituals, and only his son
accompanies the hearse, and my cousin went on his bike to support him. It seems
the reworked garden was one of the reasons to keep up the spirit of the older
man, and watching the bloomed flowers and green lawn would certainly put him in
a peaceful state of happiness. I believe he lived his life to the fullest, and
from what his wife told my aunt once was that she visited many countries and
have been around the world when he was in the air force, and perhaps because of
this, they decided to live idle and away from people to lead the remaining days
at peace. I hope he rested in peace.
No, he isn’t a covid casualty.
Every year we
used to draw colorful Kolams, aka Rangoli, in front of the home to add
auspiciousness to the festival, and boiling milk and rice in a mud pot, on top
of firewood, is another kind of gesture greeting farmers and nature, and also
helping the pottery workers.
I always love
celebrating a festival beyond its religious beliefs and rituals, as I believe
festivals are mean to gather people and celebrate the spirit of togetherness. Pongal
is a social festival and farmer’s festive so wishing for their wellness is important
and being a pandemic period, we had no option other than limiting our celebrations although our celebration is always restrained to two families. But this year is
gonna be celebrated in the kitchen itself. Hehe
Talking about
the past year will only make it sadder than happier, and it is a year the world
will never forget for the number of losses mankind faced, but the consoling
fact was nature restored its place even if it is a temporary phase. Personally, 2020 is a devastating year for us
apart from the pandemic Dracula sucking the life from all over the world, some
lives were lost in our family circle and a couple of them were quite unexpected.
Though no life is lost for COVID-19, my uncle’s death was the most sent tremors
into our family than the cousin who died leaving back two little kids. No life
is left to comparable and life is a life that is replaceable by anything but
we haven’t been close with that cousin to deeply feel the pain.
This cousin is a good-hearted guy, and kindness would melt in
front of his smile, and he had never raised his voice or think to hurt anybody,
but he died out of high pressure and cardiac arrest. Perhaps because of this,
he hadn't shared his problems with others, and this is a problem with many of
our reserved types is to suffer silently. He’s a project manager in a reputed
IT firm and an affectionate kid to his mom and with a problematic married life,
should I need to define the challenges he got in front of him to cease his life?
My uncle
is just 6 months younger than my dad and thus they are like best friends and
whatever it is dad only call him first to know his thought before proceeding. I
would say he was an iron man who lived among us, and his support to our families is significantly
strong and there’s nothing he unknown, and has great grasping power to workout things
at observing. It was him, and it was on
his captainship my brother’s wedding in November held successfully. But he couldn’t
live less than a week to see them lead their life or any of our future events.
We meet
him frequently or to say at least once in a week or two, it was hard for us to
think or feel he’s no more but we feel regret for our aunt who misses him the
most as a loving wife. They lived like made for each other and as a cool and
casual couple. They lead any of our functions
from the front and now seeing her confined to home hurts really. I hope she
returns to normalcy and continues the way she was earlier. I know she too knows
life has to move on, more than any of the other, as she already came over her
daughter’s demise a decade ago. My thoughts go for her…
Thank you
Despite the
pandemic restrictions and alert and alarming Nivar cyclone, the last week's
wedding of my brother went on well and trouble-free as along. What we
anticipated wasn’t far disappointing, but instead, reversed in order of what we
planned.
We headed to
the wedding hall earlier than we planned as we had no idea when the cyclone
would hit hard or reach its extreme, so we informed the cook to prepare lunch
for us, and the bride’s family too
reached the hall by the afternoon for the evening reception. There’s a custom that
the bride should be invited only from the temple rather than going straight to
the wedding hall had been broken down by the Nivar cyclone.
The day the reception and wedding was surrounded by gusty winds and
pattering rain, agree to blow along the resonating Nadhaswaram and Thavil – our
traditional music instrument used in weddings and any auspicious functions. Our
family friend Selvam and his team of instrumentalists hit the notch in their
playback instruments. Perhaps because this’s a wedding everyone looked out for
for a very long time, and the enthusiasm hasn’t left him alone.
Everything went on planning or timing we set on other than fewer
disappointments. We anticipated more people for the reception and less for the
marriage, but the cyclone kept the twist, thereby reversing the order. The
threatening Nivar cyclone had kept away many people from attending the evening reception
as many don’t want to take a risk paid a visit to the morning wedding. But
there weren’t people up to our expectation, and we understand the situation
wasn’t favorable to us and there’s a waste of food for about 200.
Glad we decided to advance going to the wedding hall and halted there
for the night, instead of coming home and return in the morning, like how we
planned first. Sure it would be a bad
idea to execute our former plan in the gusty wind and rain, and our stay at the
wedding hall was comfortable too. The room allotted for us on the ground floor
was spacious with two king-size beds, reminding the cottages we hire during our
travel, was convenient to stay and watch
every aspect of the wedding.
The night wasn’t easily forgettable apart from the gusty wind and
rain blasting outside, there’s something disturbed the sleep, and it was a cold
night that didn’t allow us to use to twin a/c in the room. The bride and the
groom looked fair at their wedding/reception outfits and makeups what didn’t go
right at the engagement. After the
wedding, the couple went to Tirupati to fulfill the request from the bride’s
side.
I wore the mask thoroughly at the wedding, while many didn’t care a
bit. I keep insisting my father wear the mask. But during the rituals, it goes
off. I keep the mask away only when I
got to pose for a photo!
We were worried about conducting the marriage in the pandemic
period, but the cyclone steered the wheel differently. We stayed at the wedding
hall till everyone leaves and we moved out only after loading the things the
bride brings home as Seeru (gifts from her parents) in the mini-truck, and we
also made sure that we didn't miss anything. We are almost content with the
happenings at the wedding, and the couple is happy, and the sis-in-law is quite
calm and familiar to practice though we haven’t met before. And everyone had
our part of smiles through the event.
A group photo of our beloved families after the wedding session and the one standing 2nd from the right (with a big mustache) is our uncle who passed two nights ago in a heart attack.
Last week, I got to
travel to some relative's house to present an invitation to my brother's
marriage (Nov 26th) along with the parents, cousin, and uncle, and a few of them were
distant relatives similarly staying at a distance of about 60 to 70 km from our
location. So my parent thought that it would be an opportunity to take me out as
I haven’t traveled anywhere (other than going on a half-day trip to
Mamallapuram last month) since the announcement of lockdown in March. One of a
relative’s house located on ECR got a colorful Ganesh temple (pic above) at the end of their road.
She came rolling into my
life like a snowball
The furry coat, like
snowflakes, goosebump
As she comes caressing
around the legs
To lay head, cozily
around the wheels
In hope, I won't hurt
her, as I lived up to her.
She forced into my life like a
syringe
Though it hurt, she eases the
pain to the least
Like an ointment over the
wound, her licks
Wet the heart, to hate her, to
become impossible
Unavoidable trouble to walk all
our paths to delight.
She’s someone I fought to forget
As her memories are quite fond, to forget
Never did I felt pain like this at the heart
Missing someone ever been closer, to
Share space in the bedroom for eleven years.
She's pressure on life to always end with a cheer
And I ever got angry with her for human error
The black marble eyes often convey a message
Of love, affection, and care in reciprocation
I never dream of her staging a lifeless drama.
She’s truly an angel in the world of us
Still, I keep away her thoughts, yet a year to pass
Nothing disturbed me like what she did in my life
The furry soft were spike sharp when I feel at last
She departed, leaving us in the clutch of hearts.
Ps. To know more about her (Maya) click Here
How long should I pretend to be happy?
To smile, while I actually couldn’t
Just like the smiley yellow ball - stress reliever
I was squeezed to smile.
While I pass through various emotions
The heart hurts the most, to break up
Despite creamy layers of joy or love try to forget
The scars remind me of the same.
And I tried to keep emotions at bay
But like a gale, I was pushed ashore
To pause and pursuit the same
To, lash repeatedly into the shore.
And I obviously know
Nothing stops for anything
And anticipation is sick.
Up and down is nature
Like high-low tides in the sea.
Never estimate anybody
Because, they unseen what you saw.
To pretend to be intelligent
It’s unfair to tap down somebody.
Nobody knows everything
And sky’s the limit
Beneath it, everyone’s the same.
Money changes many things,
people do not know what to do
with a lot of money in hand
take a hazard in booze.
Hard earned money, lose value
when the requirement is not met
rather filling the empty glasses
that flushed off the drain.
Eyes are obvious to absorb
the changes, followed by shapes
surprise to believe, monetary
could derail anyone however sturdy.
Relationships too change
in money making attitude
drives one from their natural state
or what the latter had been pretending.
Like the spokes on wheels
life rotates in support of
passion, affection and hope
to do better in life.
The activity of pedalling
like one’s deed in time, forward
the life to an enhanced state
of peace, wise and prosperous.
In the long run, normal bends
to slow down the pace
or pick up things at difficult, that
life isn't distant from worn out wheels.
Like spinning wool on wheels
life weaves through relationships
love, trade, recreation and reproduction
to represent another wheel of life.
The family living in the opposite house weren’t that generous to allow the cock inside their compound but the country cock doesn’t confine to anything unlike the broiler chicken that has a destiny has become a headache to them. The cock chose the open garden or lawn in front of their home as his favourite hunting ground for forage and used to fly off the compound or perched on the neighbour's tree when the owner came out to the garden. Until now, the situation wasn't different and the neighbour has a reason too to shoo off the bird, despite the fact it digs off the seeds and plants from ground, it doesn't keep quiet all the time rather crying loud esp. During the silent afternoon and sometimes even at night its crows disturb the peace and slumber of all in the house, including a 90+ year old man.
So far no one tried to catch the cock (even the labourers of the chicken shop) and the cock too doesn't come out of the gate or compound (or run into the streets) of the neighbour’s house. The house belongs to a 92 year old retired wing commander but it was his son in 60+ takes care of everything and he’s an enthusiastic gardener and loves planting or seeding new ones. Sometimes he used to share vegetables grown in his backyard and they don't familiarise with anybody in the neighbourhood and most of the time it was a smile or a few words of greeting that ended our relationship even though we are neighbours for 40 years. Click here to see and read my post on this house and neighbour!
I couldn’t get
a clear shot of the cock from the mobile but you could see the cock in the
image above and behind the gate it strolled.
Linking this post with SATURDAY CRITTERS
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| Maya look so tired sitting on the sofa |
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| Picture shot from our vacation this year at uncle's woodhouse in mountains |
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| Smokey Haven Woodhouse and Cottages we stayed |
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| Dad standing in front of Thandikudi village (beneath), picture shot from Balamurgan Temple come viewpoint |
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| A moment together with family at the woodhouse deep inside woods |
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| A part of beautiful star shaped Kodaikanal Lake at its full level, in the eventide light with reflection of trees. |
